


Songs for Wonderland

by Brumeier



Category: Alice (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Madness, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 06:16:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 62
Words: 78,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of stand-alone (for the most part) songfics set in the Alice universe. There will be some missing scenes, some AU, some random angst and lots of Alice and Hatter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Porn Star Dancing

**Author's Note:**

> **Standard Disclaimer:** I have no right to the characters, the settings or the songs. Just in it for the fun!
> 
>  **PLEASE NOTE:** The songs are listed with a particular artist, not necessarily the person who wrote the song. This is just to indicate which version inspired me.
> 
> Originally published in 2012 at FanFic.net

  
**Porn Star Dancing,** by My Darkest Days

  
_Kylie won’t kiss my friend Cassandra_   
_Jessica won’t play ball_   
_Mandy won’t share her friend Miranda_   
_Doesn’t anybody live at all?_

_Amanda won't leave me empty handed_   
_Got her number from a bathroom stall_   
_Brandy just got way too much baggage_   
_And that shit just gets old_

_She don't play nice, she makes me beg_  
 _She drops that dress around her legs_  
 _And I'm sittin' right by the stage_   
_For this porn star dancing_

_Your body's lightin' up the room_   
_And I want a naughty girl like you_   
_There's nothing harder_

_She wraps those hands around that pole_   
_She licks those lips and off we go_   
_She takes it off nice and slow_   
_'Cause that's porn star dancing_   


* * *

It was party night at the Tea Shop, Hatter’s favorite night. After a week of dealing with paperwork and sales and crazed customers, party night was a time to relax. A time to reap some of the more…pleasurable benefits of selling Tea. 

There was a special room off the main selling floor, outfitted with a variety of couches, chairs and pillows – everything soft and warm and inviting. Hatter went through there himself, before the girls arrived, lighting candles to help set the mood. Not that the girls needed it, but Hatter did enjoy setting the stage.

The selected clientele were the first to arrive, followed closely by the select group of girls that Hatter hand-picked from the many who begged to participate in party night; not everyone had the right…assets.

Hatter sat back and observed the room. Slow and sexy music created a backdrop for the scantily clad girls, who sometimes danced; the best of them could make you forget your own name as they moved their supple bodies in time to the music. Several of the girls came to Hatter, dancing for him, caressing him. Sometimes he sent them back to the clients, other times he kept one or two for himself, depending on his mood. Tonight his mood was receptive.

A long, lean blonde that was all legs sat in Hatter’s lap, wiggling her bottom just enough to get his blood moving. A petite brunette with a pixie face was draped over his shoulder, rubbing her hands over his pectoral muscles and cooing in his ear; Hatter kissed her, long and lazily.

And for one night, he could forget what he was. He could lose himself in feminine curves and sweet-smelling skin, and pretend the girl in his arms wanted him just for his body, and not for the Tea she would get at the end of the night. Tomorrow he’d go back to his lonely, double-dealing existence. But for now…for now there was the blonde and the brunette, and that was enough.


	2. Everything You Want

  
**Everything You Want,** by Vertical Horizon

  
_He’s everything you want_   
_He’s everything you need_   
_He’s everything inside of you_   
_That you wish you could be_

_He says all the right things_   
_At exactly the right time_   
_But he means nothing to you_   
_And you don’t know why_   


* * *

“Alice, you know that I love you,” Jack said. He looked up at her, his face impassive.

Alice could only look back at him. Had his declarations of love always sounded this slick, this false? Jack always had the right words, but now Alice saw that as a negative. Because the right words with no real feeling behind them were hollow.

And when Jack looked up, as if seeing something in the distance, Alice’s heart stuttered and her first thought was _Hatter_. It wasn’t him, of course. Jack had cut him down with harsh words, and Alice had let him do it. Hatter, who always said the wrong things, but always with great feeling.

They led the horses away from the stream and saddled back up. Alice knew she should be looking forward to seeing her father, should be planning what she’d say. But all she could think about was being alone in the saddle. All she could think about were Hatter’s words in the woods.

_I’ll make sure you’re okay._

With a sinking feeling, Alice realized that Jack wasn’t what she wanted at all; had never been, not really. What she wanted was a fast-talking con man in a leather jacket, who somehow made her feel safe when the whole world seemed to be against her.

And now it was too late to do anything about it.


	3. Lonesome Loser

  
**Lonesome Loser,** by Little River Band

  
_Have you heard about the lonesome loser_  
 _Beaten by the queen of hearts every time_  
 _Have you heard about the lonesome loser_  
 _He's a loser, but he still keeps on tryin'_

_Unlucky in love_  
 _Least that's what they say_  
 _He lost his head_  
 _And he gambled his heart away_  
 _He still keeps searching_  
 _Though there's nothing left_  
 _Staked his heart and lost_  
 _Now he has to pay the cost_

_"It's okay", he smiles and says_  
 _Though this loneliness is driving him crazy_  
 _He don't show what goes on in his head_  
 _But if you watch very close you'll see it all_  


* * *

“Winston,” Mary said. “You’re such a disappointment.”

The Queen of Hearts walked off in a swirl of red robes, leaving her husband to stare after her. Once again he’d been unable to give her what she wanted. Once again he hadn’t measured up.

Winston sank down into a chair, feeling tired. It was exhausting work, keeping up with Mary. Trying to meet her needs was complicated. There were the constant executions – some of which he called off without her knowledge – and the fact that his step-son had come to him for help in removing his own mother from the throne.

“Blast,” he muttered. He was being torn in ten different directions at once, but his top priority had always been Mary. And she’d never seen it, never appreciated all he’d done for her. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take. He’d promised Jack some assistance, had already made plans to help him smuggle Carpenter out of the building, but at the same time he needed to get the Looking Glass back up and running to keep his wife happy. He only ever wanted to make her happy.

Not for the first time Winston was tempted to have just a bit of Tea, some Peace perhaps. But that was Mary’s problem, wasn’t it? Too many false emotions and not enough of her own. And nothing to share with him at all.  
No matter what move he made next, he was going to lose.


	4. The Perfect Girl

  
**The Perfect Girl,** by The Cure

  
_You're such a strange girl_   
_I think you come from another world_   
_You're such a strange girl_   
_I really don't understand a word_   
_You're such a strange girl_   
_I'd like to shake you around and around_   
_You're such a strange girl_   
_I'd like to turn you all upside down_

_You're such a strange girl_   
_The way you look like you do_   
_You're such a strange girl_   
_I want to be with you_

_I think I'm falling_   
_I think I'm falling in_   
_I think I'm falling in love with you_   


* * *

Hatter didn’t know what to make of this Oyster, this Alice. She was so different from anyone else he knew. Not to mention how different she was from the only other Oysters he’d ever seen; they’d been completely blank, and mostly empty. But not Alice.

Alice was full of righteousness and anger and compassion. Hadn’t she come back for him at the Great Library, when she could easily have made her escape in the bus? In a world where most people minded their own, it had been astonishing.

People in Wonderland had gotten so dependent on Tea that their own emotions had become stunted. But Alice was practically humming with emotions, which Hatter could so easily read on her face or in her eyes. Alice felt everything so deeply – betrayal, loyalty, wonder. It was fairly unnerving to be close to her at times.

No matter how hard Hatter tried, he only seemed to get the negative emotions from Alice. Suspicion. Disappointment. Anger. But even with all of that, his own emotions were starting to surface. Fear. Jealousy. Affection. Hatter had to force himself to remember the mission – get Alice back to her world, preferably in one piece. And things had been progressing a bit in that area, until the phantom boyfriend had made himself known yet again.

It was amazing, the focus and determination that Alice had for this Jack. The lengths she was going to in order to rescue him were nothing short of extraordinary. Hatter had never seen the like. It made him long for things he knew he could never have.

“Jack’s a lucky guy,” he murmured to himself.


	5. Behind Blue Eyes

  
**Behind Blue Eyes,** by Limp Bizkit

  
_No one knows what it's like_   
_To be the bad man_   
_To be the sad man_   
_Behind blue eyes_   
_And no one knows_   
_What it's like to be hated_   
_To be fated to telling only lies_   


* * *

Jack looked down at Alice, saw the confusion in her eyes. He knew that would change soon, to hurt and probably anger, but he said what had to be said in order to maintain his charade.

“She’s not my girlfriend. She’s nothing to me.”

As he knew it would, Alice’s face reflected her pain. He hated seeing it there, hated having to say these things to her. When he’d been recruited by the Resistance, he hadn’t counted on this. Lying to his mother was one thing, but hurting Alice was something altogether different; she was an innocent victim.

“Jack?” Alice asked in a small voice. Jack inwardly winced, but kept his expression composed.

“So why did you give her my ring?” his mother demanded.

“As I’ve said a thousand times before, I didn’t give it to her. She took it. She was an affair, that’s all. Someone to pass the time with while I explored her world.”

Lies. He was sick to death of telling lies. He didn’t love Alice, though he felt affection for her, and her thinking otherwise had been the biggest lie, the worst lie. He’d done nothing but weave fabrications from the day he met her; a meeting that had everything to do with saving his world and nothing to do with love.

There were tears in her eyes now, and that cut Jack like a knife. Alice never cried, never showed any weakness despite what she was feeling on the inside. Six weeks had been more than enough time for him to ascertain that about her.

Maybe someday he could tell her the truth. Explain how all of the lies he told were for the greater good of Wonderland. Or maybe he was so buried in lies now that she’d never believe another word he ever said. He couldn’t let it matter. Not now. Not when the Resistance was so close to their goal.

And so Jack opened his mouth and let more lies come, and watched Alice pull into herself while betrayal filled her eyes, and hoped that in the end everything would work out the way Caterpillar hoped it would.


	6. Chances Are

  
**Chances Are,** by Bob Seger  & Martina McBride

  
_I remember clearly how you looked_   
_The night we met_   
_I recall your laughter and your smile_   
_I remember how you made me_   
_Feel so at ease_   
_I remember all your grace and your style_

_And now you're all I long to see_   
_You've come to mean so much to me_

_Chances are I'll see you_   
_In my dreams tonight_   
_You'll be smiling like the night we met_   
_Chances are I'll hold you and I'll offer all I have_

_You're the only one I can't forget_   
_Baby you're the best I've ever met_   


* * *

Alice woke from her dream feeling sad. Her pillow was wet; she’d been crying in her sleep. The lights on the machines blinked, and from beyond the door she could hear some faint noises. She had no idea what time it was, but her room was dark. Nighttime in the hospital.

Tomorrow she would go home with her mother, back to her apartment and her life. Nothing here had changed; it was she who had changed. Her mother said she had only been gone for an hour, but she had the memory of three Wonderland days. Had it all been a dream? There was no tattoo on her arm, no physical sign that she’d been there at all.

She had dreamt of Hatter. Alice pressed her face into her damp pillow. Was that all he’d been? Just a dream? And still she could remember the smell of him – cinnamon and tea leaves and leather. She could remember the feel of him when she’d hugged him in the Casino.

_I’ll make sure you’re okay._

Alice remembered that moment in the woods. And he had – he’d taken care of her, he’d helped her take down the Casino and save the Oysters. He’d been the only one she could trust. And she’d left him in Wonderland, left him without telling him how she felt.

_A friend. I hope._

That first meeting was forever seared in her mind. The look of him, the sound of him. The way, even then, he’d radiated that sexy masculinity that she found both exciting and dangerous. She didn’t think she’d miss him this much. She didn’t think she’d miss him so much that her heart hurt.

Alice closed her eyes and tried to get back to sleep. She wanted to get back to her dream; it was the only way she’d see Hatter again.


	7. Nausea

  
**Nausea,** by Hellyeah

  
_Thrown away everything_   
_Challenged hope, challenged fate_   
_F*** the world, f*** my place_   
_Like it matters_   
_Point your fingers at me_   
_Contest my integrity_   
_Question my honesty_   
_Don’t even try it_   
_Feed your life to someone who cares_   
_Nothing, no one, do it myself_   
_One fist in the gold_   
_One foot in the grave_   
_One fist in your face_   
_Destroying_   


* * *

There was nothing quite so satisfying in all the world at that moment than the feel of his fist against Hatter’s flesh. Dodo was so filled with rage he’d forgotten all about the Oyster, forgotten everything but how much he despised Hatter. The skinny little leech had it coming, a thousand times over.

Dodo had worked tirelessly for the Resistance, becoming one of its leaders. He’d been charged with guarding the Great Library, one of Wonderland’s most important resources. He’d given up the feel of the sun on his face to live like a mole, all for the good of the cause.

And here was Hatter. Wretched little purveyor of Tea, the very thing that was destroying their world. Hatter, who talked the talk but was walking out in the day time and eating food that didn’t come smoked or in a can. Hatter, favored by the Queen of Hearts herself. Hatter, who found the Stone of Wonderland, the one prize so highly coveted by the Resistance.

The cheeky little bastard tried to keep it from him.

Dodo was so close, so very close, to being a hero. Caterpillar would surely reward him for this, would surely repay all his sacrifice. And no Tea-swilling conman was going to keep him from what was rightfully his. His knuckles ached, though surely not as much as Hatter’s face, and Dodo embraced the pain. This was his moment to shine!

He was so involved in meting out his revenge that he never saw the boot-clad foot until it kicked him in the face. And suddenly this slip of an Oyster was flipping him on his back like a beetle and running away with Hatter _and_ the Stone of Wonderland. Dodo struggled to his feet, but it was too late. They were on the bus and the bus was heading upward, towards the sun and the fresh air and freedom.

Dodo stood in his lavish prison, screaming at the injustice of it all. “Noooo!”


	8. What Can You Lose

  
**What Can You Lose,** by Madonna

  
_What can you lose?_   
_Only the blues._   
_Why keep concealing everything you're feeling?_   
_Say it to her, what can you lose?_   
_Maybe it shows,_   
_She's had clues, which she chose to ignore._   
_Maybe though she knows,_   
_And just wants to go on as before._   
_As a friend, nothing more_   
_So she closes the door._

_Well, if she does_   
_Those are the dues._   
_Once the words are spoken,_   
_Something may be broken._   
_Still, you love her_   
_What can you lose?_   


* * *

Alice felt like she was back in high school, and not in a good way. She’d been so anxious to see Hatter, had waited for him in Looking Glass Hall for what felt like hours, and when he finally came he was saying things that made no sense. In turn she felt awkward and unsure, and replied in kind. It was a car crash from start to end.

The bottom line was that he didn’t want her to stay. That had come through clear enough, and how was she supposed to respond to that? She wasn’t certain how Hatter felt about her, not really. There’d been some banter, of course, but nothing too serious. Except that almost-kiss in the woods. Had that just been heat of the moment for him?

Alice’s own feelings were swirling inside of her, making her sick to her stomach. She wanted him to ask her to stay. She wanted him to want her. After all they’d been through she wanted him to feel the same way she did. And so she put herself out there, tried to get him to understand what it was she wanted.

“You know, you could always visit my world,” she said. “You might like it.”

Why couldn’t he see how much it would mean to her? Why couldn’t he see how much she’d come to need him? To care for him.

“Yeah. We could…we could do pizza.” 

It wasn’t the answer she’d been hoping for. She didn’t want to come out and say it, didn’t want to be the one that made a fool of herself. Maybe Hatter needed a stronger clue.

“And lots of other things,” she said softly. 

But Hatter only stared at her, and Alice felt loss and longing. They didn’t want the same things. She would have to go home alone. Always alone. And then the technician was there to pull her away, and she let herself be led to the Looking Glass. There was no reason to put it off any longer. She cast one last look over her shoulder; tried to memorize everything about him.

“Goodbye,” she whispered softly as she turned back around and faced the Glass. It was time to go home.


	9. Last Man Standing

  
**Last Man Standing,** by Hammerfall

  
_I am the one_   
_Who lost control_   
_But in the end I'd be the_   
_Last Man Standing_

_Glorious_   
_Noble in my mind_   
_Everything a fight to win_   
_Taking all and giving_   
_Whatever my pride would let me_   
_Not backing down, not giving in_   
_I wouldn't lose, I couldn't_

_I walk alone_   
_With my head held high_   
_Never felt that I belonged_   
_Stand my ground at all costs_   
_Running through life with blindfolds_   
_Just for the right - right to be wrong_

_Seeing clearer what's at stake_   
_And the things I have to change_   
_I just hope I can, it's not too late_   
_To get a chance to end this pain_   


* * *

Charlie stood on the hill and looked over his troops. Even for a Knight, it had taken a long time to assemble his army. He knew his fallen comrades would be glad to be of service once more, fighting the good fight. And this time…this time he would stay and fight alongside them.

His shame weighed heavily on his shoulders. Just Alice had needed him, and her vassal had ridden bravely into the fray to save her. Charlie hadn’t even consciously thought about what he was doing; he just pointed Bill in the opposite direction and rode away at all speed while the Harbinger called for his assistance.

No more! His days of running were through. If today was his day to finally cross over fully to the other side he would do so proudly, in a manner befitting a Knight of the Realm. The Red King had once more set him on the proper path and he was determined to follow it to its end.

It was time to rally the troops and draw out the Queen and her men. It was time to act like a man. Whatever happened now, he knew he was doing the right thing. Finally.  
“For Alice of Legend!” he cried.


	10. Fighter Girl

  
**Fighter Girl,** by Mason Jennings

  
_Spinning your umbrella over your head_   
_You should be in bed but you're here instead_   
_Walking with me towards a midnight swim_   
_I can give you, baby, what you can't get from him_

_Songbird's singing in an old dead tree_   
_The way you drive honey scares the hell out of me_   
_A hundred miles an hour on a brand new road_   
_Look at me again, you'll make my heart explode_

_Hey, hey, little fighter girl_   
_It's you and me up against this whole wide world_   
_Sleeping together in the lion's den_   
_Got your earrings in my pocket till I see you again_

_Come on, kiss me_   
_Keep on kissin' me_   
_Come on, kiss me_   
_Keep on kissin' me_   


* * *

It was a rare moment when Alice felt vulnerable, rarer still for her to show it. But Hatter could see it now in her eyes, in the tentative set to her mouth. Most of the time it seemed Alice could take on the world single-handedly, and she certainly tried. Though he was loathe to admit it, she could out-fight him. Out-stubborn him, as well. His Oyster was a fighter.

“What will I do?” she asked him, sounding small and unsure. “If I get stuck here?”

Hatter looked into her expressive blue eyes and felt everything inside him soften. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and keep her safe, though he was certain that was the last thing she’d want for herself. 

But he could give her words of comfort. He could tell her the truth. “Then I’ll make sure you’re okay.”

And still she looked up at him, and he could see she wanted to believe him. He couldn’t help himself, couldn’t fight that hypnotic gaze of hers. He put his hands on her arms, squeezing ever so slightly. He wanted to kiss her. So much so that it made him ache. He wanted to lay claim to those lips; to all of her, if truth be told.

It was foolish of him to want it. Dangerous, even. But his own emotions were twisting him up and he was suddenly just too tired to fight them anymore. He leaned in slowly, wanting to see if Alice would pull away. She didn’t. Wonder of all wonders, she was moving _towards_ him. Was it possible that she was feeling the same need? Hatter dared to hope.

He was a hair’s breadth from her lips now, her breath puffing warmly against his skin. His entire world had narrowed down to a single point. His heart was pounding fiercely in his chest. Nothing would be the same for him after this kiss. For once that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was this moment, this tenderness between the two of them. The rest of the world, with all its worries, simply fell away.

“I think your luck is finally changing,” he murmured. And whether he was talking to Alice or to himself he wasn’t completely sure. And it didn’t matter. Everything was changing, and he was glad for it.


	11. One Thing

  
**One Thing,** by Hellyeah

  
_Broken heart, broken dreams, broken promise_  
 _Broken wings, broken spirit, break everything_  
 _It breaks a body down_  
 _Broken back, broken seams, broken life_  
 _Broken me, broken hope, broken sleep_  
 _Broken bottle drinks me down_

_Give me, one_  
 _Give me, one_  
 _Just give me one thing, just give me_

_I’ve lost it all, lost everything, lost the wish_  
 _Lost the key, lost the trust, lost the need_  
 _Lost the war inside_  
 _Lost the slate, wiped it clean, lost the will_  
 _Lost the means, lost the gift, left the scene_  
 _And burned the body down_

_Falling out again_  
 _Chasing my life down_  
 _Endless search for the one thing_  
 _That will turn it all around_

_One f***ing thing_  


* * *

It was over. All of it. Alice stood in the cockpit of the Scarab, staring straight ahead but seeing nothing; feeling nothing. She was numb. Hollow. More like one of the Oysters in the Casino than she’d ever been. A Spade stood on either side of her, guarding her, but there was no need. She was going home and there was no reason for her to fight it. No reason for her to stay.

Her father didn’t remember her. That hurt bad enough. But the fact that he didn’t care if the Queen executed her? She felt betrayed, even though she knew it wasn’t really his fault. Wonderland had taken her father away from her, and it seemed there was no getting him back. All those years of searching…wasted.

And yet it was a loss she might have been able to bear if she at least had Hatter by her side. But he was gone too, dead. He’d come riding to her rescue and they’d killed him for it. And killed something inside of her, as well. Alice had realized too late that Hatter was everything she wanted, and now he was gone without ever having known how she felt about him.

Alice felt broken. More than ever, she wanted to go home to her mother. Home where someone loved her, and she could maybe forget the pain of this day, the pain of the incredible losses she had accrued in such a short time. 

She wished she could forget Hatter, and then inwardly cringed at the very idea of it. It would be wrong to forget, and so she would remember every kind word, every heroic deed, every beautiful smile – no matter how much it hurt her heart. No matter how much guilt she felt.

No matter that another piece of her died with every thought of what might have been.


	12. Hello

  
**Hello,** by Lionel Richie

  
_I've been alone with you inside my mind_  
 _And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times_  
 _I sometimes see you pass outside my door_  
 _Hello, is it me you're looking for?_

_I long to see the sunlight in your hair_   
_And tell you time and time again how much I care_   
_Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow_   
_Hello, I've just got to let you know_

_'Cause I wonder where you are_   
_And I wonder what you do_   
_Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?_   
_Tell me how to win your heart_   
_For I haven't got a clue_   
_But let me start by saying, I love you ..._   


* * *

Duchess stood by her window and looked out on the lake. She hated staying here at the Casino, under the watchful eye of the Queen, but there was nowhere else for her to go. It was getting harder and harder to play her part, harder to keep her emotions from showing. Her life wouldn’t be worth a half measure of Despair if the Queen knew what was really going on inside her head, and inside her heart.

Jack had been gone for almost four weeks now. Duchess had seen the signs, knew he was planning something, but this? Taking himself off to the Oyster world with his mother’s ring? Surely he was mad.

“Jack, where are you?” Duchess whispered. She loved him. Oh, how she loved him. But that was one of her secrets, her most important secret. If the Queen knew she would take Jack away, and that was unthinkable. 

Duchess had worked hard to get the level of trust with the Queen that she had right now, enough to be trusted with the Prince himself. Bad enough that Jack had left, putting her in a tenuous position; as the Queen’s spy, this was information she should have had. If it came out that Duchess really and truly loved him, her livelihood – and likely her head as well – would be gone. 

How many times had she almost broken down? Almost told Jack how much she loved him? It was getting harder and harder to maintain her charade. If she thought that Jack could love her back, maybe things would be different. He knew her only as his mother’s spy, the woman forced upon him so that no action would go unnoticed. He would never trust her.

And now there were rumors circulating amongst the White Rabbit. Rumors that Jack had found himself an Oyster girlfriend. It was unbearable to consider. She wanted nothing more than to break down and have a good cry, but that was impossible. She wasn’t the Queen’s only spy, after all.

“Please come home,” Duchess softly pleaded. Even if she couldn’t have his heart, she’d still have him. And it would have to be enough.


	13. Dirty Little Secret

  
**Dirty Little Secret,** by All-American Rejects

  
_Let me know that I've done wrong_   
_When I've known this all along_   
_I go around a time or two_   
_Just to waste my time with you_

_Who has to know?_   
_When we live such fragile lives_   
_It's the best way we survive_   
_I go around a time or two_   
_Just to waste my time with you_

_Tell me all that you've thrown away_   
_Find out games you don't wanna play_   
_You are the only one that needs to know_

_I'll keep you my dirty little secret_   
_Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret_   
_(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)_   
_My dirty little secret_   


* * *

Hatter shoved Carlotta, causing her to stumble back and drop ungracefully to the couch. She glared up at him, her cheeks flushed red with either anger or embarrassment. Or both. Hatter didn’t much care.

“Where’s your head?” he demanded.

“Don’t take that tone with me!” Carlotta shot back. She ran a hand through her curly red hair and kicked her high heels off, tucking her feet up underneath her.

“Are you trying to get killed?” Hatter clenched his fists. “I told you to keep your mouth shut.”

“People are starting to ask questions, Hatter. What did you want me to do?”

Hatter looked at her, sitting there with her sexy lips pressed into a thin line and her green eyes sparking. He was more than angry with her; he was afraid for her. Trying a different approach, he sat beside her on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees.

“Carlotta. I told you up front how this had to be. It’s dangerous for both of us to have people think we’re together.”

“I’m not afraid,” Carlotta said stubbornly. She crossed her arms over her chest. Hatter puffed out a breath in exasperation.

“Then you’re an idiot. You know how closely the Queen watches me. Watches this Shop. I can’t have any personal entanglements.”

“Is that what I am to you? An entanglement?” And now there was pain showing in those green eyes.

“I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Hatter said. “It’s not worth losing your head over.”

“And what about my heart?” Carlotta countered. She reached out, as if to touch him, but pulled her hand back slowly.

“You know how it is for me.” Unable to sit still a moment longer, Hatter stood and began to pace. He thought he’d been clear about this from the start. He’d been looking for someone to be with, on a purely physical level. Someone who didn’t want to be with him just for the Tea. What he wasn’t looking for was a relationship.

“You don’t feel anything for me, do you?” Carlotta asked. She wiped impatiently at a tear that had slipped down her cheek.

“You know that’s not true.” And it wasn’t a lie. Hatter felt affectionate towards her, and protective of her. It wasn’t his fault if it wasn’t enough, if it wasn’t what she wanted; he’d told her how it had to be.

“I’m tired of keeping secrets, Hatter. And I’m tired of loving you and getting nothing in return.” Carlotta glared at him defiantly through her tears.

“I think it best we not see each other anymore,” Hatter said. He turned his back to her; he couldn’t stand to see the hurt in eyes. He didn’t relish the lonely nights ahead, with no warm and comforting presence in his bed to help keep the dark thoughts away. But it was the right thing to do.

Carlotta slipped back into her shoes and stood, smoothing the wrinkles out of her dress. She pressed herself against Hatter’s back, her hands on his shoulders.

“Someday you’ll meet a girl you can love,” she murmured in his ear. “And I hope she cuts you to shreds.”

Hatter didn’t turn to watch her leave, didn’t flinch when she slammed the door behind her. He was going to miss her, but now she would be safe. And he knew in his heart he’d never find anyone to love, not really. The Queen would never allow such a distraction for her top Tea salesman.

The best he could hope for was someone who didn’t mind being held in the dark watches of the night. Someone who understood that he needed the companionship but not the emotional attachment. Someone who could zip her mouth and keep their arrangement a secret.

Love? It was the one thing he could never have.


	14. And So It Goes

  
**And So It Goes,** by Billy Joel

  
_In every heart there is a room_   
_A sanctuary safe and strong_   
_To heal the wounds from lovers past_   
_Until a new one comes along_

_I spoke to you in cautious tones_  
 _You answered me with no pretense_  
 _And still I feel I said too much_   
_My silence is my self defense_

_And every time I've held a rose_   
_It seems I only felt the thorns_  
 _And so it goes, and so it goes_   
_And so will you soon I suppose_

_But if my silence made you leave_   
_Then that would be my worst mistake_   
_So I will share this room with you_   
_And you can have this heart to break_   


* * *

Alice watched Hatter sleeping, his mouth slightly open while he softly snored. She still couldn’t believe he was here, couldn’t believe he’d turned his back on Wonderland to be with her. It had been two weeks and she kept waiting to come home and find him gone.

Everything was just moving so fast. She’d known Hatter a total of three days – crazy, insane days – and then he appeared in her living room, professing his love for her. As much as she tried to deny it, she loved him too; not that she’d told him. It was too soon, too fast, too scary. 

Alice was trying to set some boundaries, trying to keep everything nice and easy. He’d asked her to come and spend the night with him at his new apartment and she’d relented after much discussion. But they weren’t sleeping with each other in the intimate sense. It was much too soon for that. Sharing a bed was a little different, though, and Alice could lie to herself about how much she actually did want him, had in fact been wanting him since that amazing kiss.

Hatter sighed in his sleep and Alice had to fight the urge to touch him. That’s all she’d been doing for the past two weeks – fighting herself, telling herself she couldn’t have what she wanted. He was here with her now, but Wonderland was only a Looking Glass away and that was his true home. If she let herself love him she’d only be destroyed when he left. If he left.

Hatter turned on his side, flinging one leg out from under the blanket and laying his arm across Alice’s waist. He muttered a bit before settling back to sleep. His arm was heavy and warm and Alice knew she didn’t have a chance. Not really. She could deny it all she wanted, but it would be lying. And lying to yourself was a pretty fruitless exercise.

She’d trusted Hatter in Wonderland, and he’d come through for her. In so many ways. Why should it be any different now that he was here in her world? Would it be so bad to let herself love him? She had to trust that he wouldn’t hurt her. She had to believe him when he said he wanted to be with her forever.

Alice looked at his face, so peaceful in sleep, and sighed. Hatter was everything she wanted. She’d be a fool to let him go, to miss her chance at happiness. She wanted him so much. His beautiful smile, his crazy hair, his obsession with hats – she wanted all of it.

Moving a little closer, Alice pressed a feather light kiss on Hatter’s forehead. “I love you,” she whispered.


	15. Paint It Black

  
**Paint It Black,** by The Rolling Stones

  
_I see my red door and I want it painted black_   
_No colors anymore I want them to turn black_

_I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes_   
_I have to turn my head until my darkness goes_

_I see a line of cars and they're all painted black_   
_With flowers and my love both never to come back_

_I look inside myself and see my heart is black_   
_I see my red door, I must have it painted black_

_Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts_   
_It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black_

_I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky_   
_I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black_   


* * *

Mad March was led into the Grand Hall, the restraints at his ankles forcing him to shuffle in an undignified manner. He glared at anyone who dared to look his way, his bright hazel-gold eyes shimmering with rage. All murmured conversations came to a halt as soon as he passed by, and soon the silence was deafening.

A phalanx of Suits surrounded March and escorted him up onto the main stage area. The executioner waited for him there, his double-headed axe held at the ready. From her balcony directly above, the Queen of Hearts looked down on him with a bland expression on her face.

“March Hare,” the Queen intoned. “You have been summoned here to answer for your crimes.”

March was led to his spot beside the executioner. The chopping block, freshly cleaned, awaited his head. But he felt no fear. There was only the constant rage that simmered underneath his skin and buzzed heatedly through his veins. It was his constant companion, his “gift” from the Queen.

“You have been found guilty of unsanctioned killings, as well as plotting against the Crown,” the Queen continued. “Though it saddens me to lose my finest assassin, I must make an example of you. Insubordination will not be tolerated, at any level.”

The crowd began murmuring again. March snarled at all of them, wishing his hands were free; he’d teach them all a lesson they wouldn’t forget. The Queen had done her job well, making him into the homicidal killing machine he was today. She’d lost control of her favorite toy.

“Have you any final words?” the Queen asked.

Mad March scowled up at her and made sure his words were loud enough for the entire crowd in the Grand Hall to hear.

“Piss off, you cow!”

A shocked muttering flowed through the gathered crowd. The Queen’s face became thunderous, and her own lip curled in a snarl.

“Off with his head!” she commanded.

Mad March was shoved to his knees and his arms were released from their restraints, only to be shackled to the sides of the chopping block. And still there was no fear. 

Surprisingly, the rage was now tempered with relief. Finally, this would all be over. He wouldn’t have to live with the unceasing rage any longer. He wouldn’t have to suffer the random memories of his past that sometimes floated up out of the blackness in his mind, reminding him of a very different life.

The executioner raised his axe, once again reducing the room to silence. March kept his eyes open, defiant to the last. It would take more than the Queen of Hearts to make him cower. It would take more than death to undo him.

When the axe came down and severed Mad March’s head from his shoulders, he was plotting his revenge.


	16. How

  
**How,** by Lisa Loeb

  
_I didn't come this far_   
_for you to make this hard for me._   
_And now you want to ask me "how"?_

_It's like - how does your heart beat,_   
_and why do you breathe?_   
_How does your heart beat,_   
_and why do you breathe?_

_Why did you come here?_   
_You weren't invited._   
_You were on the outside –_   
_Stay on the outside._

_With all the things that you could be,_   
_You never could learn how to be me._   
_And now you want to ask me "how"?_   


“So who are you going to trust to get you and your father back home? A Resistance insider and future king, who’s already scheduled your return trip through the Looking Glass. Who cares for you more than anyone else in the world.” Jack looked away from Alice and sneered at Hatter. “Or this man?”

Alice was speechless. She looked at Hatter, who only moments ago had nearly kissed her, but he wouldn’t meet her gaze. Jack had spoiled whatever tentative feelings there were between her and Hatter. He’d ruined her life, almost gotten her killed, and now here he was acting the hero. Feeling miserable and low, Alice knew that she’d let him.

Jack had the one thing Hatter didn’t – her father. It was the one thing that could make her turn her back on the man who had unceasingly been trying to help her, the one man who made her feel safe. Deep in her heart she knew that if she could do that, she wasn’t worthy of him anyway.

“Where’s the ring, Alice?” Jack asked softly.

Alice hesitated for a moment, then took the final step that would cut her off from Hatter. “It’s where it belongs.” She looked over her shoulder at the Red King on his throne.

It was done. Hatter would see that she’d made a choice, picked a side. She knew how he felt about Jack. Hell, she herself had been angry enough to want to punch the jerk in the face. But to see her father again…what kind of choice was it, really?

“I wish you all the luck in the world, Alice,” Hatter said.


	17. I Want You

  
**I Want You,** by Third Eye Blind

  
_The suckers loose themselves_   
_In the games they learn to play_   
_Children love to sing but_   
_Then their voices slowly fade away_   
_People always take a step away_   
_From what is true_   
_That's why I like you around_

_I want you_   
_Oh you do you do..._   
_You make me want you_

_An open invitation to the dance_   
_Happenstance set the vibe that we are in_   
_No apology because my urge is genuine_   
_And the mystery of your rhythm is so feminine_   
_Here I am and I want to take a hit_   
_Of your scent cause it bit so deep into my soul_

_And I can't get enough_   
_Oh, I can't get enough_   
_Oh, I can't get enough_   
_Oh, I can't get enough_   


* * *

“Hatter! You’re okay!”

“Yeah.” He looked Alice over with a trained eye, relieved that she had no visible injuries.

“Oh my God!” she breathed.

Hatter felt self-conscious. He could only imagine what he must look like. Hopefully it wasn’t as bad as he felt. But he didn’t want to worry her, so he just said, “Oh, it’s just a few cuts and bruises. I’m fine.” 

And then Alice was hugging him, so tightly that his bruised and burned ribs screamed in protest. But Hatter ignored the pain. He ignored everything but the woman in his arms. Had one simple hug ever felt like this? Maybe it was his torture-muddled brain at work, but suddenly he was filled with possibility. Maybe Alice didn’t need to go home. Maybe they could be together, after all.

“I thought you were dead,” Alice whispered against his shoulder. Hatter could hear the tears in her voice, and he clutched her more tightly. No other woman had ever felt so right in his arms.

“Oh, that feels good,” he sighed, knowing the words were insufficient. He wanted to melt into her. For the first time in his life he wanted more. More moments like these, more of what he felt for this amazing, stubborn, beautiful Oyster. He wanted all the things he’d never been allowed to have.

That thought reminded him of where he was, and why he was there. He wouldn’t let the Queen take Alice away from him; she had taken enough from him already. With great reluctance he moved away from Alice’s warm embrace. 

“We should save that until we’re safe.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you,” Alice said. Hatter could see something so incredibly sad in her eyes, and he wondered again what had been done to her while he was in the Truth Room. He wanted to pull her back in his arms and comfort her, but he had to get her out of the Casino and away from the Queen. And he had to know, had to hear her say it just once. 

“You trust me now?”

“Completely,” Alice said. Hatter could read the truth of it in her eyes. He wanted to ask more, wanted to know if she could want him the way he wanted her. But it wasn’t the time or the place. He told himself it could wait until they were safely away.

Now it was time to come up with a plan.


	18. White Rabbit

  
**White Rabbit,** by Jefferson Airplane

  
_One pill makes you larger_   
_And one pill makes you small_   
_And the ones that mother gives you_   
_Don't do anything at all_   
_Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall_

_And if you go chasing rabbits_   
_And you know you're going to fall_   
_Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar_   
_Has given you the call_   
_To call Alice, when she was just small_

_When the men on the chessboard get up_   
_And tell you where to go_   
_And you've just had some kind of mushroom_   
_And your mind is moving low_   
_Go ask Alice, I think she'll know_   


* * *

First there was pain, as there always was. Confusion and anger, as there always was. Hatter knew he should have expected it; being summoned by the Queen very rarely meant sitting down to fancy tea. But her questions confused him. Mad March had tried to kill him only days ago, why would he know where that madman was? Why would he hide him?

After the pain was the pill, shoved down his throat so that he nearly choked on it. This was new, and Hatter didn’t like it. He thrashed and cursed, but it was all wasted effort. As it always was. And now there was a cramping pain in his gut that made him grit his teeth and squeeze his eyes shut.

“I don’t…know…anything,” he hissed out between his clenched teeth. His hands were fisted so tightly that his fingernails bit into his palms. There would be blood there later, he knew.

Quite suddenly, the pain lessened. The feel of the Truth Room changed around him, and he cautiously opened his eyes. Gone were the Doctors and their sickeningly-swirly room. Hatter was standing in a clearing that was surrounded on all sides by trees. In the center of the clearing was an oversized pink mushroom, and sitting atop the mushroom was a little girl with short brown hair, wearing a simple blue shift.

“What is this?” Hatter asked. He walked towards the mushroom. He knew it couldn’t be real, but it felt real. The breeze on his face, the rocking horse flies bobbing around the flowers – it was all so tangible.

“You called me,” the little girl said. She was sitting cross-legged, elbows on her knees and her chin resting on her hands.

“Who are you?” Hatter stopped a few feet away, afraid to go any closer. He didn’t know what the Doctors were playing at; this was something new, and nothing good came from something new. Not when they were involved.

“You’ll know me soon enough,” the girl said. Her eyes, a smoky blue color that was rather startling, twinkled. “Are you going to tell?”

“I don’t know anything,” Hatter responded automatically.

“You do. But you won’t tell.” The girl smiled down at him. “You aren’t what you think you are. And that will change soon anyway.”

Hatter’s head was starting to hurt. He didn’t understand any of this. How was this supposed to make him tell where Mad March was? Even if he knew? He studied the girl with a critical eye. She was young, maybe seven or eight, but her eyes held knowledge far beyond her years. Who was she?

“Do I know you?” he asked. For there was something familiar about her, but the feeling was wispy at best and he couldn’t nail it down.

“She is me but not me. Your answers will lie there.”

“I don’t understand!” And now Hatter was feeling desperate. The pain was coming back; he could feel it biting at him around the edges. He felt that if he could only understand what this girl was telling him, everything would be okay.

The girl slid down the mushroom like a slide, landing gracefully on her feet in front of him. She tugged on his sleeve, pulling him down to her level, and put her hands on either side of his face.

“You’re better than you think. Trust yourself.” The girl kissed him on the forehead, and Hatter felt himself slipping away from the clearing, away from her.

“Please. I don’t want to go back there.”

“There are great things to be done,” the girl said. “You’ll be a part of it.”

“No…wait!”

But it was too late. The clearing, the trees, the flowers – they all began to swirl together. It made him sick to look at. But in the center of it all stood the little girl, unchanged while everything around her began to melt away.

“Take care of her,” she said.

And then the pain returned, sharp and burning, and Hatter couldn’t help but cry out. He tried to wish himself back to the clearing, even though none of it had been real. Anywhere was better than here. The room swirled a sickening green and black around him, making him nauseous.

“That’s enough,” the Queen said dismissively. “He doesn’t know. Get him cleaned up and back to work.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” one of the Doctors said.

“And tell Carpenter the new pills aren’t working.”

“Of course, Your Majesty.”

Hatter was released from the chair, and roughly manhandled until he was dumped unceremoniously outside the Casino. He’d have to find his own way home from here. When his legs stopped trembling, when he’d stopped shaking so violently, Hatter put his hat back on his head and started walking. 

And already the vision of the little girl was starting to fade away.


	19. Nobody's Wife

**Nobody’s Wife,** by Anouk

  
_I'm sorry for the times that I made you scream_  
 _for the times that I killed your dreams_  
 _for the times that I made your whole world rumble_

_for the times that I made you cry_  
 _for the times that I told you lies_  
 _for the times that I watched and let you stumble_

_It's too bad, but that's me_  
 _what goes around comes around, and you'll see_  
 _that I can carry the burden of pain_  
 _'cause it ain't the first time that a man goes insane_  
 _and when I spread my wings to embrace him for life_  
 _I'm suckin' out his love, I'll never be nobody's wife_

_I'm sorry but I ain't gonna change my ways_  
 _you know I've tried but I'm still the same_  
 _I've got to do it my way_  


* * *

“Stop this,” Mary said. “Come along now.”

Winston was acting like a child. She didn’t care for his declarations of love, or his trying to make her feel guilty about her lack of feeling towards him. It was simple self-preservation and she wasn’t about to die just to sit here and hold his hand while the Casino came down on their heads.

“No,” Winston said.

For a long moment they stared at one another. Mary was angry. How dare he choose this moment to assert himself! She’d never loved him, that was true, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have some feelings for him. Or possibly she once had feelings for him; the Tea tended to muddle things up. They’d been married for a very long time, and Mary viewed him more as a business partner than anything else. He helped things run smoothly, doing all the behind-the-scenes work she had no interest in.

She would be sad to lose him, and his skills at managing the Suits and Clubs, but she was Mary, Queen of Hearts. She didn’t need him. Mary raised her chin, giving Winston one last imperious look before she turned and walked out of the room. She closed the doors behind her.

It was a loss, to be certain, and her Court would soon demand a replacement. Every Queen needed a King, an argument she had heard before. There had been no replacing her first husband, not really, and so she’d chosen one of her trusted Clubs to take his place. Mary decided she would look to the Clubs again to replace Winston. Ten, perhaps. 

She was a queen, first and foremost, and had to think of her empire; she was not, and never had been, a wife.

And as the Casino came down, Mary spared no further thoughts for Winston.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** In my vision of Mary’s past history she was married to someone before Winston. Her first husband was Jack’s father, and really the only person she loved – in her own twisted fashion. Just in case you were curious!


	20. Much At All

  
**Much At All,** by Susan Werner

  
_I never shared your passion for the city_   
_I never really cared for basketball_   
_I seem to get along without the new New Yorker_   
_I guess that I don't miss you much at all_

_But oh the days when we were lovers_   
_Such the electric pair_   
_Doomed in a way like all the others_   
_Classic affairs are rare and fleeting_

_I must have missed the changing of the seasons_   
_Well I've seen enough of New England in the fall_   
_I've seen enough of anywhere we were together_   
_I guess that I don't miss you much at all_

_I'm staring out the window in the kitchen_   
_I'm leaning on the railing in the hall_   
_I'm trying for the life of me to do some living_

_It's good how I don't miss you much at all_   


* * *

Carol sat at the table in the breakfast nook, the coffee in her mug going cold. The patch of backyard she could see through the window was transitioning from winter to spring; the grass was already greening, but there were still little clumps of snow scattered around like discarded toys.

She would have to get back to work tomorrow. The publishing house had been extremely understanding, but it had been a month now and she knew she couldn’t push them for any more time. There was already tension in her shoulders just thinking about having to go back and face those people. She didn’t want to hear how sad they were for her, or how awful her situation was. She was well aware of it.

Robert had been gone a month, vanished from his study as if he’d been beamed out by aliens. His parents were frantic, and his brothers had talked to everyone he ever knew. Carol herself had gone to the university and questioned everyone he worked with. They’d collectively made just as much progress as the police, which is to say none.  
The worst of it was Alice, who had made up posters with her father’s picture on it and hung them all over town. Like he was a lost puppy.

Carol sighed and rubbed a hand across her forehead. She didn’t know what to do about Alice. Her sister Patty had suggested that they both get some counseling, but Carol didn’t know if that was the right thing to do. She felt like she didn’t know anything anymore. She pushed herself up from the table and walked to the sink to dump her coffee.

Twenty minutes passed and still Carol stood with her hands braced on the sink. It had gotten so hard for her to get through the simplest things. Alice was trying to pick up the slack as best she could, which just made Carol feel guilty. If only she could decide on one way to feel, she thought she might be better. But her emotions were in a constant tangle.

She hated Robert for leaving, because it was so much easier than the overwhelming, breathless fear that he’d been killed. Carol missed him every minute of every day. Robert was a brilliant scientist – there wasn’t a branch of science he hadn’t mastered – but he tempered his need to work with his family’s need to spend time with him. He never missed a single school-related activity of Alice’s, and tried to keep his once a month date nights with his wife. They were a strong family unit, always had been, so how could he just be gone?

And so she spent each day alternately hating Robert and mourning him. She would tell herself she didn’t need him, and then dissolve into tears when she saw his shoes by the door. Carol knew she couldn’t keep on this way, it wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t good for Alice, who was keeping her own grief mostly to herself. 

Carol looked around the kitchen, at the bright yellow walls that she and Robert had painted, and she suddenly knew that she couldn’t stay here. She couldn’t spend every day surrounded by memories and loss and anger. It was too hard.

Feeling a burst of restless energy, Carol grabbed some empty boxes from the garage and went into Robert’s study. She hated this room, how it gave every appearance that he’d just stepped out and would be back any minute. Deep down, she knew he’d never be back.

She threw books, papers and office supplies in the boxes in a kind of frenzy, everything a jumble. An hour later every shelf and every desk drawer was empty. Carol sat on the floor, staring blankly at the stack of boxes in front of her. What now? What the hell was she supposed to do now?

It took her a while to realize that Alice was home from school, that she was in fact standing in the doorway of the study. The look of horror on her face was reflected back to Carol by the large mirror behind Robert’s desk. 

“Alice,” Carol said. She got to her feet, rubbing her hands on the legs of her jeans, and turned to face her daughter.

“How could you?” Alice cried. She threw her backpack at her mother; it bounced off of Carol’s hip and hit the floor with a thud. Carol just stood there, mute in the face of her daughter’s rage.

“He’s not dead!” Alice screamed at her, before turning and running upstairs to her room. Carol winced when she heard the door slam. She looked around the study, saw all the empty spaces, and sank back down on the floor; she wept into her hands, knowing that the biggest emptiness was inside her.

“Damn you, Robert!” she choked. “Damn you!”


	21. Leather

  
**Leather,** by Tori Amos

  
_Look I'm standing naked before you_   
_Don't you want more than my sex_   
_I can scream as loud as your last one_   
_but I can't claim innocence_

_Oh god could it be the weather_   
_Oh god why am I here_   
_If love isn't forever_   
_and it's not the weather_   
_Hand me my leather_

_I could just pretend that you love me_   
_The night would lose all sense of fear_   
_but why do I need you to love me_   
_when you can't hold what I hold dear_   


* * *

Carlotta snuck in the back way. Once this sort of clandestine behavior had given her a little thrill, but now it just made her feel cheap. She wasn’t some Tea addict and she resented being treated like one. _So why are you still coming here?_ asked the little voice in her head. She banished it immediately.

Hatter’s flat was empty, and would be until he’d finished up in the office. Carlotta had been told that she wasn’t welcome there, where someone might see her. There was anger at that thought, but she tried to quell it. She may not be a Tea head, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t addicted; it was only that her addiction was for a man.

Carlotta wriggled out of her coat, which she threw over a chair, and wandered around the small living room. There were a lot of books here, stacks of them. She knew where he’d gotten them, though he didn’t know that she knew. One word dropped in the right ear and this place would be overrun by Suits; it was proof of Hatter’s connection to the Resistance.

“Hmmm.” Carlotta paused in front of the oval mirror that stood in the corner. She turned this way and that, running her hands over her dress to get the wrinkles out. She always took extra time to get ready before coming to Hatter, though she knew it didn’t matter to him. Her curly red hair fell softly past her shoulders, which were bare. Her emerald green dress, which set off her eyes so well, was a tight-fitting sheath that accentuated her full breasts. Carlotta knew she had a good body, and she knew how to use it.

“You’re early,” Hatter said. He leaned in the doorway, arms crossed, just watching her. Carlotta smiled, slow and sexy. She read the weariness in his eyes, took note of the faded bruise high on his cheekbone, and wondered why she cared. She knew she was nothing but a semi-regular lay. He wouldn’t appreciate her concerns that he was working too hard; that wasn’t how their relationship worked.

“Rough day, sweetheart?” Carlotta sidled over to him and ran her hands across his chest.

Hatter looked at her for a long moment, his eyes dark, and then he pulled her roughly to him. His lips were hard and needy against hers, and one hand had already wandered down to her breast.

Carlotta thrilled to it, to him, and hated herself for it. There was no romance here, nothing but lust and desire. She knew she’d never have a candlelit meal with Hatter, or walk the ledges with him hand in hand. When he’d been sated, there would be no lazy pillow talk. But if he let her stay, and sometimes he didn’t, he would pull her in close while he slept, clinging to her. And she tried to let it be enough. It never was.

Hatter’s lips moved to her neck, alternately kissing and nipping at the tender flesh there. Carlotta pressed herself against him, her fingers digging into his shoulders, and let her self get lost in the scent of him, the feel of him under her hands. She would enjoy every moment, every sensation. She would take what little he had to give her, because despite everything she loved him.

It was the most painful kind of love, because once given it could never be returned.


	22. The Distance

  
**The Distance,** by Hot Chelle Rae

  
_I hear you crying and I know_   
_What it's like to be alone_   
_you're scared and I'm not there_   
_it's like you're living with a ghost_   
_Someone you can't hold_   
_And you say it's so unfair_

_And just so you know_   
_The distance is what's killing me_   
_Time and space have become the enemy_   
_And what I need is so far away_   
_And so it goes_   
_The distance makes it hard to breathe_   
_My heart won't let go easily_   
_I don't want to be this far away_

_Well I've got my life_   
_And you've got my world tonight_   
_And I miss you, I miss you_   


* * *

“How long was I there?” Alice asked. How long had her mother worried about her? Wondered where she was?

“Almost an hour,” her mother replied. Like it was such a long time. Alice stared at her, confused.

“An hour?” Impossible. She’d been in Wonderland for days, at least. An hour? How could that be?

“You were lucky,” Carol said, smiling. “A construction worker saw you run into the building.”

Alice could barely process what her mother was saying. She looked down at her arm, but the Glow was gone as if it had never existed. _Had_ it ever existed? One hour. Her eyes filled with tears again and she covered her face with her arm.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Carol asked, concerned. 

Alice just shook her head. How could she explain this to her mother? In her mind she could picture Hatter, his soulful brown eyes filled with so much sadness as they said goodbye. He felt so far away now, separated from her not only by distance but also by time.

Why hadn’t she hugged him the way she’d wanted? The whole goodbye had been awkward and uncomfortable, and she knew that was partly her fault. She should have just manned up and told him how she felt. She’d taken so many other chances in Wonderland, why had that last one been too much for her? Why could she face down a Queen, but not her own feelings?

“I screwed up, Mom.” Alice’s voice broke. “I really screwed up this time.”

“Alice, I don’t…”

Alice turned on her side and hid her face in her arms. She knew her mother didn’t understand, and she couldn’t explain. It had taken her weeks to start having feelings for Jack, and even then she hadn’t loved him. Three days with Hatter, and now she was a wreck. Because this time it had been real, regardless of how fast it had happened. 

He was so far away now, and she cried at the loss of him.


	23. Thank You

  
**Thank You,** by Hellyeah

  
_So many things, I didn’t say_   
_Is it too late? Now that you’ve gone away_   
_So many words, so many ways_   
_If you can hear me now_   
_There’s something I’ve got to say_

_Just one more talk_   
_Just one more touch_   
_If one’s too much then_   
_I just want to say_

_Thank you, for everything_   
_You’ve ever done for me, done for me_   
_I just want to say_   
_Thank you, for all the things_   
_For saving me, saving me_

_It’s been so long_   
_They say time will heal everything_   
_Could you send me a sign_   
_To fill this hole in my life_   
_Turn on a light, to help me through it all_   
_No one left to rescue me, save me_   


* * *

Hatter limped into his office and closed the door behind him. It was day six of the time he liked to call After Alice and things weren’t going so well. He wasn’t too concerned about the lack of sleep, or the fact that he barely felt the need to eat. But getting ambushed in his own shop? That was the mark of a right bad day.

The Tea shortage was driving the addicts mad. There had been riots outside the Palace, and every Tea Shop in Wonderland had been ransacked and picked over. And still they thought Hatter was holding out on them. Bloody fools.

With a pained sigh, Hatter eased down into his swivel chair. This latest bunch had caught him by surprise and attacked in a group. He’d taken down three of them, but it hadn’t much mattered. As Alice had so kindly pointed out that day in the forest, he was lousy in a fight.

Hatter closed his eyes and saw her face. It was the only way he could relax and clear his head. He tried to recall every detail; every freckle, every curve. The exact color blue of her eyes, the way she had felt in his arms when he’d hugged her.

Thinking of Alice always filled him with a measure of regret. If only he’d said the right things, maybe she would have stayed. So he thought the words instead, told her how thankful he was that she’d come into his life; how beautiful she was; how he couldn’t live without her. It was as pointless as whispering to a ghost. Still, it had become a familiar litany and there was comfort in that.

When Hatter opened his eyes, he gave a startled yelp. The face in his mind had been conjured into reality, and he had a moment to wonder what kind of magic this was before she spoke. 

“What happened to you?” Alice asked, kneeling in front of him. Hatter stared at her in disbelief. She was real. She was here, in his shop. In Wonderland. But how?

“Just a little disagreement,” he heard himself say. As if he had nothing better to do than make small talk.

“Looks more like a very vigorous argument,” she replied with a smirk. There was concern in those blue eyes. And something else, something Hatter didn’t dare name. But he wasn't about to lose his second chance to put things right.

“Thank you,” he said.

“For what?” Alice asked. She reached out to touch one of the bloody scrapes on his temple.

“For everything. For saving me, when I thought I was saving you. For trusting me. For this.” Hatter cupped her face with his bruised hands and kissed her, the way he’d wanted to that day in the forest. Alice wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, a little purr of pleasure sounding in the back of her throat.

When they finally broke apart, flushed and gasping, Alice rested her forehead on his. “Finally,” she said.


	24. Fearless

  
**Fearless,** by Taylor Swift

  
_We're drivin' down the road, I wonder if you know_   
_I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now_   
_But you're just so cool, run your hands through your hair_   
_Absent-mindedly makin' me want you_

_And I don't know how it gets better than this_   
_You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless_   
_And I don't know why but with you I dance_   
_In a storm in my best dress, fearless_

_Well, you stood there with me in the doorway_   
_My hands shake, I'm not usually this way_   
_But you pull me in and I'm a little more brave_   
_It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin'_   
_It's fearless_

_'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this_   
_You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless_   
_And I don't know why but with you I'd dance_   
_In a storm in my best dress, fearless_   


* * *

In all her years of dating, Alice had never felt so relaxed right before a first date. There had always been anxiety, especially if she’d had no say in where they were going or what they were doing. That certainly wasn’t the case this time, even though Alice had no idea what the night had in store for her. She had no doubt it would be memorable, though.

There was a knock at the door promptly at six, and Alice opened it with giddy anticipation. There stood Hatter, a bouquet of flowers in one hand and his hat in the other. Alice threw herself at him; even after two weeks of constant together time, she was so happy to see him.

“Alice!” Hatter complained. “You don’t do that on a first date!”

With a laugh, Alice let him go. She knew he wanted to do this one by the book, wanted to take her out on a proper date in the proper Oyster custom. He’d even dressed the part, wearing black trousers and a black sport coat. Of course, he also wore a bright purple silk shirt and a loosely knotted black tie. Hatter could only downplay his style so far. 

For her part, Alice had put on a little black tank dress; the hem fell above her knee. Her black heels added a couple of extra inches to her height, and also showed off her bare legs to good advantage. From the way Hatter was staring, it had been worth the effort.

“Are those for me?” Alice asked, when Hatter continued to stand in the doorway, his mouth agape.

“Oh. Right. Yeah.” Hatter handed Alice the bouquet with a flourish, and she accepted it with a giggle.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you.” Alice turned and walked towards the kitchen, putting a little extra wiggle in it for Hatter’s benefit. She could practically hear the drool hitting the floor. How was it that no man before Hatter had ever made her feel this sexy?

“So where are we going?” Alice asked when she’d taken care of the flowers. In response, Hatter pulled her to him and captured her lips in a heated kiss. Alice pushed him away.

“Usually the kissing happens at the end of the date, Hatter,” she said sternly. “Although…” 

But before she could sink back into the kiss Hatter had collected himself. He offered Alice his arm, and she tucked hers through it. As they headed out the door she grabbed her wrap, though with the unseasonably warm weather they were having she hoped she wouldn’t need it.

“I’ve a very romantic night planned,” Hatter said. He flipped his hat up onto his head. “It’ll be perfect.”

Alice pressed tight up against him as they went down the stairs. She wondered what their mode of transportation was going to be – subway? taxi? When they got out on the sidewalk, they were greeted by a warm, gusty breeze. Hatter was right; this was going to be perfect!

They walked a little ways down the street, and Alice could see that Hatter was keeping his eye out for a cab. She didn’t mind the walk, though. It was a gorgeous night, she was with the most handsome man in the city…life was good.

And then the rain started. Without warning, the skies opened up. Alice squealed and held her wrap over her head. Hatter cursed. They were instantly drenched, and Alice could see how disappointed he was; so much for his perfect date night.

Alice made to duck under a nearby awning, but then she stopped herself. A memory came back to her from when she was a little girl, of her father taking her out in a rainstorm. It had been a warm rain then too, and they’d had so much fun just running around the yard.

She looked at Hatter, his shoulders slumped in defeat. His soggy silk shirt clung to his chest, showing off all his lean muscle. Without him even trying, he was turning her on. And she couldn’t let him feel like his date was ruined.

Coming to a quick decision, Alice tied the wrap around her waist and kicked off her heels. Just for tonight she wouldn’t think about all the disgusting substances that were likely clinging to the concrete.

“What are you doing?” Hatter said. He practically had to shout to be heard over the deluge. Alice grabbed his hand.

“Puddle jumping!”

She dragged him to the nearest puddle, and jumped right in the center of it. A gout of water splashed up, hitting her legs and her already wet dress. Hatter just stared at her.

“Come on, Hatter! Live a little!”

Hatter reluctantly complied, jumping in the puddle with Alice. And then the next one, and the one after that. Soon they were running up and down the sidewalk, kicking water at each other and laughing themselves silly. Anyone passing by probably thought they were crazy. But Alice didn’t care. This is what Hatter had done for her. He’d made her laugh again. He’d made her want to be silly again. She was happy. Loving Hatter was making her fearless.

Alice grinned as Hatter took her hand and spun her in a little circle. He pulled her tightly against him, and then they were dancing. Caught up in the moment, Alice forgot herself enough to do something she never did in front of other people. She started to sing.

“I’m singin’ in the rain, just singin’ in the rain! What a glorious feeling. I’m happy again!”

Hatter grinned at her and so Alice kept singing as they danced up and down the sidewalk. When the rain finally stopped so did they, catching their breath under a street light. Alice pushed her sopping hair out of her face and smiled up at Hatter.

“Gotta say it. Best first date ever.”

“I don’t suppose I could get that kiss now?” Hatter asked. Alice twined her arms around his neck and leaned into him.

“I think that would be okay,” she replied.

It wasn’t their first kiss. They’d actually done quite a bit of kissing since Hatter had come through the Glass. But it was a first date kiss, a soft and caressing kiss, and Hatter tasted of rain. 

“Perfect,” Alice sighed.

“You’re perfect,” Hatter murmured. “There’s just something about a pretty girl in a very wet dress.”

“Hey, not just any girl!” Alice protested.

“No,” Hatter agreed. “My girl.”


	25. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

  
**I Don’t Want to Miss A Thing,** by Aerosmith

  
_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing_  
 _Watch you smile while you are sleeping_  
 _While you're far away and dreaming_  
 _I could spend my life in this sweet surrender_  
 _I could stay lost in this moment forever_  
 _Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure_

_Lying close to you feeling your heart beating_  
 _And I'm wondering what you're dreaming_  
 _Wondering if it's me you're seeing_  
 _Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together_  
 _I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever_

* * *

It was late, but Hatter couldn’t sleep. No, that wasn’t right either. He chose not to sleep, though in truth he was exhausted. The trip through the Looking Glass had been unexpectedly draining, and he’d followed that up with a trip to the hospital with an unconscious Alice and then the long hike back to Jack’s old flat. Even with all that, he’d only snatched a couple hours of sleep the night before – too much nervous energy.

And today – today had been perfect. He’d gone to see his Alice, hoping that maybe there was some way they could be together. And she’d run across the room and threw herself in his arms; he knew he’d be replaying that moment in his head for a long time. The amazing hug, the even more amazing kiss. But this, this right here, was just plain sweet.

He and Alice had stayed up well into the night, talking on her couch. Kissing as well, truth be told. He could never kiss her enough. And while they were snuggled there together, Alice had finally succumbed to sleep. She was curled against Hatter’s side, her head resting on his collarbone so that her hair tickled his neck. She was beautiful even asleep.

Hatter held her in his arms, afraid to move for fear he’d wake her. He couldn’t believe he was here, couldn’t believe he’d gotten the girl in the end. She actually wanted him, the Alice of Legend. She’d turned down the chance to be a queen, said no to Jack Heart, because she’d wanted Hatter instead. Just thinking about it made him flush with happiness.

Alice murmured in her sleep and Hatter pressed a feather-light kiss to her forehead. How had he gotten so lucky? He vowed to spend the rest of his life making himself worthy of her, whatever it took. Now that they were finally together, he’d make sure they were never apart.

He didn’t want to miss another moment with his Alice. His heart. His love.


	26. Nothing Ever Hurt Like You

  
**Nothing Ever Hurt Like You,** by James Morrison

  
_I got my hands up to take your aim_   
_Ya I'm ready_   
_There's nothin' that we can't go through_   
_Woah it hit me like a steel freight train when you left me_   
_And nothin' ever hurt like you_

_Nothin' ever hurt like you_

_I was lying there wide-eyed, but you made me see_   
_That you don't get to taste the honey_   
_Without the sting of the bee, no you don't_   
_Oh yes you stung me good, oh ya you dug in deep_   
_But I take it, I take it, I take it 'til I'm down on my knees, on my knees_

_I got my hands up to take your aim_   
_Yes I'm ready_   
_There ain't nothing that we can't go through_   
_Oh it hit me like a hurricane when you left me_   
_But I'd do it all again for you_   
_I'd walk a thousand miles on broken glass, it won't stop me_   
_From makin' my way back to you_   


* * *

Hatter sat on the floor of his Tea Shop, heedless of the broken glass and smashed furniture. His ribs ached and his skin burned, but it meant nothing to him. It should have meant something. But it seemed that everything, every single thing that had ever been important to him had lost its meaning. And that infuriated him.

Dancing on the edge of a razor – that was how Hatter had learned to live his life. He had a carefully constructed life and he operated within a rigid set of rules; the Queen’s rules, Dodo’s rules, his own rules. The framework of his life had never been particularly sturdy, but he hadn’t expected an Oyster to completely destroy it.

“Bullocks.” Hatter fisted his right hand and slammed it into the floor, driving shards of glass into his knuckles. He hissed at the pain of it and watched the blood run down his hand.

For so many years he’d distanced himself from personal entanglements. He didn’t let himself feel anything for anyone, because it wasn’t safe. He didn’t step out of bounds, because that wasn’t safe either. And in just three days – _three bloody days_ – it had all been turned on its head.

Alice. Just thinking her name made Hatter sick with emotion; too many emotions. Real emotions. He didn’t like the way it felt, wished he could stop feeling anything at all. Particularly the burning acid of regret that was bubbling in his stomach. 

What was it about Alice? She was just an Oyster. Just another Oyster that should have gone directly to the Casino to be farmed like all the others. But from the first moment he’d seen her there’d just been…something. A glint in her pretty blue eyes, maybe, or the way that little blue dress had clung to her curves. She’d been full of attitude from the get-go, stubborn and suspicious. He should have dumped her off on Dodo and been done.

Hatter absently picked glass out of his hand. Alice was a force of nature; she had some kind of pull that kept tugging at him. There was no other explanation for all of the stupid risks he took for her. Alice had taken down the Casino, had dethroned the Queen of Hearts, and had single handedly crashed through his defenses.

He’d go after her. There’d never been any question, really, and no amount of sitting and feeling sorry for himself was going to change that. In just three days…well, much less than that actually…he’d fallen in love with her. Hatter, who never let himself feel anything for anyone, had fallen for an Oyster. And wasn’t that the laugh of the century?

“Alice,” Hatter whispered. Just the sound of her name sent a tremor through his skin. He’d let her go when he wanted her to stay. He’d honestly hoped that once she was gone, all the emotions would go with her. It had been a desperate, hopeless wish.

He’d get up soon. Drag his sorry carcass back to Looking Glass Hall and do whatever needed to be done to gain passage. He would go to Alice, and say what he hadn’t said. He’d do what he hadn’t done – he’d kiss her and hold her tightly to him and promise never to let her go. And pray that she felt the same.   
Because Hatter couldn’t go on like this.


	27. In the Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part One of Three

  
**In the Hour,** by Melanie

  
_In the hour when the sun shines bright_   
_On my head in the city where I am alone,_   
_I never think of that once told story_   
_When two flowers almost were one._   
_But what to do?_   
_I still think in the morning of you._

_When darkness hovers and city lights take over_   
_I am blinded to the words "I am alone"._   
_It's useless to cry for a star in the sky,_   
_For the city lights tell me there's none._   
_But what to do?_   
_I still cry in the morning for you._

_When my head touches my pillow I am too weary_   
_To dare dream that I am alone._   
_Now I lay myself down to sleep,_   
_I pray the Lord his soul to keep is my song._   
_But what to do?_   
_I still dream in the morning for you._   
_What to do?_   
_I still cry in the morning for you._   


* * *

Alice waved goodbye to Cheryl as they parted ways out on the sidewalk. It had been a long day crunching numbers and reconciling accounts, and she’d declined the invitation to grab a quick drink. She wanted to go home, put her feet up, and have a nice cup of tea. But there was one stop to make first.

The subway was hot and crowded, and Alice wished she’d walked instead, no matter how far it was. The light was lingering longer now, and while the air wouldn’t exactly be fresh, she wished for it anyway. She tried her best to ignore the pressing masses around her, tried to keep her mind clear.

When she was streetside again, Alice took a deep breath and forced her tense muscles to relax. She adjusted the carrier bag over her shoulder and set off at a brisk pace. These were familiar streets, though she hadn’t walked them in a while. A whole year, in fact. 

Twilight was falling when she reached the warehouse. Alice took a deep breath before stepping inside. It was dark inside, but she had a flashlight in her bag; she used it to light her way deeper into the warehouse. Her feet seemed to remember the way, even if her mind wasn’t sure.

And then there it was, where it had always been. The large gilt frame leaned against the wall, but the mirror glass was cracked and broken now. Alice reached out a tentative hand, pressing it against one small, unbroken section. The surface didn’t waver and ripple, as it once had. There was nothing behind it, not anymore.

“I miss you,” Alice whispered. 

It was the same every year, and she worried that the next time she came the mirror would be gone altogether. She wondered if she’d still come here if that were the case. Was it the mirror that brought her back, or her memories? Memories of three crazy days, of heroic deeds and an insane cast of characters straight out of a children’s book. Memories of a missed opportunity.

When Alice had come back from Wonderland, she’d waited. Some deeply romantic part of her – a part she never even knew existed – kept waiting for Hatter to come and surprise her. To turn up on her doorstep and declare his undying love. But he hadn’t come. And when she’d finally gotten up the courage to come to the mirror herself, to maybe try and go through it again, it had been cracked. The magic of it was spent, and it was no longer a doorway.

She stayed only a few minutes more, and then headed back out into the city. Back to her apartment downtown, where there’d be no-one waiting for her; Kirk had moved out three weeks ago, tired of dealing with her moodiness and her occasional tendency to call out another man’s name in her sleep. Back to an answering machine filled with concerned questions from her mother. This was her life now, no matter how much she may sometimes wish things had turned out differently. 

And tonight, when she finally went to bed, she knew she would dream of Hatter. And wake up with tears on her pillow. Again.


	28. Barely Hanging On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part Two of Three

  
**Barely Hanging On,** by A-Ha

  
_I used to be so sensible on my own_  
 _Now I'm so sensitive it's a joke_  
 _I'm getting by on decibels like a drug_  
 _And greet every brand new day with a shrug_

_I'm barely hanging on_

_I used to be so comfortable in a suit_  
 _Almost presentable next to you_  
 _I used to be so confident in a crowd_  
 _Now I can't say my own name aloud_

_I'm barely hanging on_

_And now I guess you're wondering why_  
 _We never could see eye to eye_  
 _Oh but never mind_  
 _And now I guess it's hard to see_  
 _What has gotten into me_  
 _Oh but never mind_

_I'm barely hanging on_  


* * *

Hatter was working up a sweat, but the manual labor did little to occupy his mind. He’d become a fixture out here at the Kingdom of the Knights, a kind of handyman. He did whatever Charlie needed done, without argument, and ignored the Knights in Training who whispered about him when they thought he couldn’t hear.

_He was a Hero of Wonderland once._

_He never talks to anyone._

_I heard he went crazy and tried to kill Tea addicts._

He never thought he’d get used to living out here in the wilderness, but he had. It was amazing what you could get used to when there was no other choice. There was nothing for him in Wonderland City, not anymore. No Tea Shop, no friends, no more leads to pursue. 

Ever since the Looking Glass had been broken by a mob of agitated Tea addicts, Hatter had exhausted every contact and tenuous friendship he’d had in the City, trying to find another way to the Oyster world. Not even the White Rabbit had been able to help him, and that had been his best lead. Now he was at the mercy of Charlie, who was researching rabbit holes and frequently communing with otherworldly forces to try and help him.

Hatter grunted as he lifted another heavy stone and set it into place on the wall. Two of the young knights walked past him and nodded, but he ignored them. He barely talked to anyone these days; there was nothing he particularly wanted to say. All he could think about was Alice. All he could do was constantly berate himself for not immediately following her through the Glass. He thought he’d have more time.

Finding a rabbit hole was all Hatter had left to cling to. One hope. But the longer it took to find one that was still operational, the more withdrawn he became. He’d made a right mess of things. And he’d tried, for a while, to go on with his life like he’d never met Alice. Like he hadn’t fallen so quickly and completely in love with her. But nothing was good or right without her. Nothing ever would be.

“Harbinger.” Charlie came striding across the clearing. “Take a break before you fall down.”

Hatter just shook his head and hefted another stone. The wall was almost finished, and then it would be on to the next project. There was always something else that needed to be done, some other way to tire out his body so that maybe he could get his mind to shut down for a few hours of dreamless sleep. He was barely hanging on, and he knew it. He suspected this was not earth-shattering news to anyone around him, either.

“Hatter,” Charlie said, more gently this time. “Can’t you let her go?”

“No.” Hatter made to grab another stone, but Charlie put a hand on his arm and stopped him. Hatter shrugged him off, but instead of picking up the stone he sat on it and put his head in his hands. “Dammit.”

Hatter flexed his right hand, trying to get some of the stiffness out. During a particularly bad moment a year and a half ago, he’d actually managed to break what he thought was unbreakable. The hand had mended, though it had taken a long time, but it became stiff and sore when he over-used it.

“Feckless has been in the archives all day,” Charlie said.

“And?” Hatter wasn’t expecting much. The archives here were enormous, and Feckless was the only one who’d volunteered to go through all the books and scrolls looking for the information Hatter so desperately sought. Hatter barely had the energy to summon up the question, much less any enthusiasm for the possible answer.

“I think we’ve found your rabbit hole,” Charlie said.


	29. Bless the Broken Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part Three of Three

  
**Bless the Broken Road,** by Rascal Flatts

  
_I set out on a narrow way many years ago_   
_Hoping I would find true love along the broken road_   
_But I got lost a time or two_   
_Wiped my brow and kept pushing through_   
_I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you_

_Every long lost dream led me to where you are_   
_Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars_   
_Pointing me on my way into your loving arms_   
_This much I know is true_   
_That God blessed the broken road_   
_That led me straight to you_

_I think about the years I spent just passing through_   
_I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you_   
_But you just smile and take my hand_   
_You've been there you understand_   
_It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true_

_Now I'm just rollin' home into my lover's arms_   
_This much I know is true_   
_That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you_   


* * *

Alice reached out a tentative hand, pressing it against one small, unbroken section of the mirror. The surface didn’t waver and ripple, as it once had. There was nothing behind it, not anymore.

“I miss you,” Alice whispered. It had been two years, but the longing never lessened. It wasn’t fair. She’d only known him three days; she shouldn’t still be feeling this way. She needed to move on but continually found herself unable to do so. She was so tired of being alone.

“Alice.”

Her breath caught in her throat. Just one word, but she knew his voice; it resonated in her heart. Hatter. She bit her lip to keep it from trembling.

“Won’t you turn round?”

Alice shook her head. Her legs had gone all wobbly, and the only thing keeping her upright was her hand pressed to the mirror. She could see him in the bits of broken glass, fragments of his face. Her next breath was a sob.

“Please,” Hatter said. There was a desperate, pleading note in his voice that made Alice shiver.

“No,” she choked out. “I’m afraid…you won’t really be there.”

The shards of reflection wavered as he moved closer, and then Alice could feel him behind her. She could smell him – tea leaves and spice. Only now he also smelled of earth and pine. Hatter put his hands on her shoulders and she closed her eyes. She was shaking like a leaf now.

“Alice,” Hatter murmured, his lips next to her ear. With a wordless cry, Alice whirled around and clung to him, her fingers clutching at his leather jacket.

“I waited for you,” she cried. “You didn’t come.”

“I tried, Alice. I tried, but I couldn’t get through. They broke the Glass.” 

They were both shaking now, and Alice burrowed into him, her face pressed against his neck. He was here, he was really here. Just as she’d always dreamed he would be.

“How did you find me?” she asked.

Hatter ran one hand through her hair, the other wrapped around the back of her neck, holding her tightly to him. “Seems I have connections even in your world. Wonderlanders, who came here to live to escape the Queen. They helped me track down this building. It was pure luck I saw you walk inside.”

Luck. Alice could believe that. Fate as well. It had brought them together once before, why not now? That he could find her, with the whole city to search through, and at a spot she only came to once a year. _I believe_ , Alice thought. _I won’t waste my second chance._

“I know it’s been a long time to wait,” Hatter said. He sounded hesitant now. “You have a life…friends. I’ll not muck it up.”

Alice pulled back so she could look at his face. His beautiful brown eyes were shiny with tears. She kissed him then, a soft kiss that quickly became heated and passionate. A kiss that had been two years in the waiting.

“Finally,” Alice breathed when they came up for air. “I love you, Hatter.”

Hatter looked down at her, tears tracking down his cheeks. But his eyes held no sadness now.

“I love you too, my Alice.”

“Will you come home with me?” Alice asked, reaching up to brush his tears away. Hatter captured her hand and kissed her palm.

“I’ll never leave you again.”


	30. Comfortably Numb

  
**Comfortably Numb,** by Pink Floyd

  
_Ok, just a little pin prick_   
_There'll be no more AHHHHHH!!_   
_But you may feel a little sick_

_Can you stand up?_   
_I do believe it's working, good_   
_That'll keep you going through the show_   
_Come on it's time to go_

_There is no pain you are receding_   
_A distant ship smoke on the horizon_   
_You are only coming through in waves_   
_Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying_   
_When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse_   
_Out of the corner of my eye_   
_I turned to look but it was gone_   
_I cannot put my finger on it now_

_The child is grown_   
_The dream is gone_

_I have become Comfortably Numb_   


* * *

The last thing Robert remembered was sitting in his study, working on an article for Omni magazine. It was a bit disconcerting for him to wake up in a small cell, padded on all sides and with only a tiny window set into the door. Which was locked, naturally. Still, he didn’t panic. Surely there was a logical explanation for this; he just needed to be patient and wait for it.

He waited for quite a long time. The longer he sat on the padded floor, the more concerned he became. Not for himself; there seemed to be no immediate danger. But he wondered where Carol and Alice were. They’d both been home with him. Well, he wasn’t a hundred percent certain of that; when he was working in his study he tended to lose track of things like time and people. It was possible Carol had taken Alice out to the store or the library.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, the door to his cell opened up to reveal a man in black robes with an oddly shaped black cap on his head. Robert got to his feet and brushed at his slacks.

“Who are you?” he asked. “Why am I here?”

“I am the Ten of Clubs, advisor to the Queen. You have an audience with her. Come along.”

Ever curious, Robert willingly trailed along behind Mr. Ten. His keen eyes took in everything around him – the long white hallway, the women in short dresses adorned with red diamonds, the armed men in suits. He couldn’t even begin to guess where he was, or who this Queen was that wanted to meet with him. He certainly couldn’t recall receiving a letter from any royalty, and surely that would have been the first step to arranging a meeting. Not this…whatever this was.

Robert was ushered into a large room done all up in beige, with a long glass conference table that ended in a dais. Atop the dais were two red chairs, one large and one smaller. The room was empty, but only for a moment. A group of men and women in fancy dress came in through a side door and assumed positions around the table. Robert noted with interest that they were all wearing playing card insignia on their clothes.

Mr. Ten moved to the foot of the dais. “Her Royal Majesty, Mary, Queen of Hearts.”

That piqued Robert’s interest immediately, even more so when a stout woman breezed into the room wearing a long, flowing red tent of a dress that bore an image of a playing card upon it. _Alice in Wonderland_ was his favorite book, and he was even now sharing with it his daughter. 

The Queen walked to the top of the dais and assumed her seat. Following along behind her was a man in a red and black striped suit; Robert assumed he must be the king, though he was not announced at all. This supposed king took the smaller of the two seats. The Queen didn’t waste any time getting to the point.

“You are a scientist, are you not?” she asked.

“Yes,” Robert replied. “I would very much like to know what…country…I’m in right now.”

“You are in Wonderland, of course,” the Queen replied.

It was all Robert could do to keep his cool. Wonderland. _Wonderland!_ He’d always thought it might be a real place, a rather fanciful delusion for a man with his IQ. There was always the possibility that he was dreaming, but Robert had mostly discarded that theory; his dreams were never this clear, nor this bizarre, and he’d already pinched himself numerous times.

“I have need for a man of your particular talents,” the Queen said. “I will provide you with a place to live and a salary.”

“I’d need to know more,” Robert replied. “Though of course I do have an obligation to the University.”

No sense in burning any bridges, he always said. And to be in Wonderland! He couldn’t wait to tell Alice about this; Carol would take some convincing, of course, but his little girl would just believe. 

“Let me be clear.” The Queen stood and walked back down the dais. “I’m not making you an offer. I’m telling you what will be. My technical staff need someone to lead them, someone to streamline and improve our operations. That someone is you.”

“Impossible,” Robert said. He didn’t care for her imperious tone. “I have a wife. A daughter. A career.”

The Queen of Hearts came to stand in front of him, toe to toe. Her gaze was steely, her mouth set, and for the first time since waking up in that cell Robert began to feel uneasy.

“Take him away for reprogramming.”

Robert’s arms were seized by two large men in black suits and he was forcibly removed from the room. He fought them, but a gun was jammed in his ribs and that was a very effective means to stopping his struggle. He tried to think, tried to reason his way out of this, but he was starting to panic.

Through several more corridors, and down a few flights of stairs, Robert tried to think a way out of his predicament. He wasn’t sure what the Queen had meant by reprogramming, but it certainly didn’t sound promising. And then all thoughts of escaping left his head when they entered the lab.

Even with only a cursory glance around the room, Robert was stunned by the mix of technologies that he saw. Lab equipment that had gone out of fashion in the fifties rubbed elbows with the most cutting edge machines that Robert had ever seen outside of a science journal. Men and woman wearing clear vinyl lab coats over their clothes were bustling about, and all paused to stare at him. He was hustled through the lab all too quickly, and brought to a small room containing only a covered metal tray on a rolling stand, and a chair with wrist and ankle restraints.

“No. Wait.”

But they didn’t wait. Robert was firmly buckled into the chair and then his armed guard took their leave. His anxiety grew as he waited, eyeing the covered tray nervously. When the door opened again, he instinctively tried to pull back; there was nowhere for him to go.

“Mr. Hamilton! A pleasure, sir.” A very tall, very thin man approached him, wearing one of the see-through lab coats and sporting a large smile. “I’ve read some of your work. Brilliant! We’re so pleased to have you here. I’m Dr. Wasp.”

“You need to let me go,” Robert said, trying to sound calm and reasonable. “I have to get home to my family.”

“Believe me, Mr. Hamilton. You’re needed much more here.” Dr. Wasp folded back a piece of the cloth, revealing several syringes on the metal tray. “This is a very interesting procedure. I do wish you could observe it.”

“What are you going to do?” Robert asked, a bit fearfully. Still, the scientist part of him was curious and fascinated.

“I’m going to strip away everything inside your head that we don’t need. You won’t remember anything but what we need you to.” Dr. Wasp picked up the first syringe, which was filled with a yellowish-green liquid.

“No. No, my wife…and my little girl…”

“Won’t even be the faintest of memories by the time I’m done. Trust me, Mr. Hamilton. It’ll be better for you that way.” Dr. Wasp rolled up the sleeve of Robert’s shirt and swabbed the skin at his elbow. “I’ll give you a little something to relax you, so that the procedure won’t be quite so painful.”

Before Robert could respond, the needle pricked his skin and whatever concoction that was sent rushing through his veins quickly made him groggy and numb. While his scientist brain struggled to understand what was happening, the rest of him cried out for Carol and Alice. For his parents and his brothers. He didn’t want to lose them. He didn’t want Alice to grow up without a father. And he couldn’t help feeling a bit betrayed; the Wonderland he’d always believed in was nothing like this.

*o*o*o*

Six days later Dr. Wasp presented Carpenter to the rest of the technical staff at the Heart’s Casino. He was given a tour of the lab and the distillery, and the process for draining the Oysters was explained to him. Carpenter took it all in and soon had some ideas he was bouncing off the others for ways to make improvements to the whole system.

Dr. Wasp pulled aside one technician, a big, burly man named Walrus who looked even bigger than he was thanks to the bulky sweater he wore under his jumpsuit.

“Walrus, Carpenter will be your responsibility. You are to watch him for any signs that the reprogramming didn’t fully take. We can’t afford to lose this one.”

Walrus nodded, a dour expression on his face. Dr. Wasp beamed. He knew he’d picked the right man for the job; Walrus didn’t have much to say, but he was a keen observer and he listened extremely well. If there was anything awry with Carpenter, he’d know.

“Carpenter!” Dr. Wasp called him over. “This is Walrus. I know you don’t remember, but he’s your very dearest friend. He’ll be looking out for you until you recover from your…head injury.”

“Thank you,” Carpenter said. “It’s going to take some time to get back in the swing of things.”

“Well, I’ll just leave things to the professionals.” Dr. Wasp took his leave. 

“Come along, Walrus,” said Carpenter. “Let’s take a walk through the distillery. There’s much I’ve forgotten.”


	31. Absolute Beginners

  
**Absolute Beginners,** by David Bowie

  
_I've nothing much to offer_   
_There's nothing much to take_   
_I'm an absolute beginner_   
_And I'm absolutely sane_   
_As long as we're together_   
_The rest can go to hell_   
_I absolutely love you_   
_But we're absolute beginners_   
_With eyes completely open_   
_But nervous all the same_

_Nothing much could happen_   
_Nothing we can't shake_   
_Oh we're absolute beginners_   
_With nothing much at stake_   
_As long as you're still smiling_   
_There's nothing more I need_   
_I absolutely love you_   
_But we're absolute beginners_   
_But if my love is your love_   
_We're certain to succeed_

_If our love song_   
_Could fly over mountains_   
_Sail over heartaches_   
_Just like the films_   
_There's no reason_   
_To feel all the hard times_   
_To lay down the hard lines_   
_It's absolutely true_   


* * *

Hatter followed the path through the trees to a clearing, dominated by a large, rocky hill. His heart was in his throat; would she be there, or had she run off on him again? But no, Charlie had been right. Alice stood at the top of the hill like a sentry, coat swirling around her in the wind. Hatter’s breath caught in his throat for a moment at the sight of her; she looked almost fierce.

Shaking himself back to reality, he made the climb to where she was standing and wondered how she had done it in those ridiculous boots. Alice heard him coming and turned toward him, and once again Hatter was stopped in his tracks. The expression on her face was such a mix of longing and sadness, it was like a physical blow.

“It’s good news,” he said, closing the distance between them. “The Resistance wants to help. They’re sending a special agent who will take us to see Caterpillar.”

Alice dropped her arms and stared at him, saying nothing. It made him feel a bit self-conscious. He realized he was panting a bit and gestured back to the path.

“It’s quite a steep hill,” he said. 

Still Alice said nothing, just looked at him with those wide blue eyes.

“You okay?” he asked her, concerned now.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back,” she said softly.

There she was, doubting him again. Hatter wondered why he kept putting himself out there for her.

“You still don’t trust me?”

“I thought something might have happened. In the City.” There was a liquid brightness to her eyes now as tears gathered. Hatter softened. She’d been worried something had happened to him. The mere fact that she cared that much was staggering. Maybe…maybe his feelings weren’t as one-sided as he’d thought.

“I’m okay,” he murmured. Acting on instinct alone, Hatter took one more step so that there was no space between them at all. He pulled Alice into his arms and hugged her. She clutched him back, so tightly he had a moment to worry about being able to breathe.

“If something happened to you,” Alice sniffled into his neck. “I just…I don’t know…”

“Shhh,” Hatter whispered. He began rubbing her back, trying to soothe her. “I’m not going anywhere, Alice. You and me, yeah? We’re a team.”

He closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of her. Feeling her warmth seeping into his skin. He knew he should let her go, that this would only make things more difficult when he had to send her back to her world. But he couldn’t do it. It felt too good, having her in his arms.

“Hatter.” Alice pulled back, and put one hand on his cheek. Her smoky blue eyes studied him intently. “Thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me since I got here.”

“Alice…” Hatter started to say, but Alice pulled his head down and pressed her lips to his and all thought immediately ceased. He froze for a second, startled, and then he kissed her back. It started out sweet and chaste, and then Alice ran her tongue over his bottom lip and he was lost.

The kiss deepened, and Hatter poured all of his newfound emotions into it. He pulled Alice as close as he could, one hand curled around the back of her head and the other at the small of her back. A new emotion was rising in Hatter now, one he was afraid to name, and he pulled back from the kiss first.

“Oh, Hatter.” Alice laid her head on his shoulder, her arms around him and holding him close. “If I can’t…get home…”

“I’ll make sure you’re okay,” Hatter promised. He knew he didn’t have much to offer her right now, just as he knew his experience with serious relationships was lacking. But at that moment, everything he had was hers. Everything he was, as well. This was all new to him, but he swore he’d do what it took to make her happy. Even if that meant she had to leave him.

“I’m glad Ratty took me to the Tea Shop,” Alice said. “I don’t usually have such good luck.”

“Something tells me your luck is changing,” Hatter said. And because he couldn’t resist her, and because he didn’t want to think about anything else, he kissed her again. And Alice kissed him back. 

Hatter started to think anything might just be possible.


	32. Moments Like This

  
**Moments Like This,** by Alison Krauss

  
_While the dying world re-defines, the reasons we strive to exist_   
_We feign control though we’re bound to learn the meaning of moments like this_   
_Cause in the peaceful hour, the quiet spell_   
_Seduced by the promise of bliss, we soon forget that nothing's happened yet_   
_We're living for moments like this_

_It's in our power to face the storm with all its fury and madness_   
_The flash of thunder rolls behind us with a longing and sadness_   
_The clouds will break._

_Hold me. Whisper gently this is what we live for, how we learn how we are_   
_It defines us, ever reminding us that life never is more precious than this_   
_Hold me. Whisper gently that there's nothing to fear,_   
_You'll always be near, to remind me, stand behind me_   
_Although life can be rough we can never give up._   


* * *

Alice had never been more exhausted than she was right at that moment. It felt like she’d stuffed two days into one, and not just any two days – two horrible, frightening, emotionally-charged days. So much had happened she thought it might take hours to fully process it all. Right then she just didn’t have the energy.

“He’s resting comfortably, if you’d like to sit with him,” Charlie said. Alice nodded.

They could have gone back to the Palace with the other Oysters, or back to whatever was left of Hatter’s apartment. But neither place seemed right, and when Charlie had found them he’d convinced them to come back to the Kingdom of the Knights with him. It would be another day or so before the technicians were ready to send the Oysters back home, and Alice didn’t think she could take being around Jack for that long.

Alice went to the bed where she had feigned sleep only a night ago. Or was it two? She couldn’t remember, and she found she didn’t much care. Hatter lay there now, entirely too pale, and Alice’s breath caught in her throat.

Once the excitement had died down and the Queen had been led away, it became clear that Hatter’s cuts and bruises were the least of his worries. He’d been tortured – and just that word alone made Alice nauseous – and suffered painful burns all along his ribcage. If not for Charlie’s help, Alice didn’t want to think of what might have happened. Hatter had barely managed the trip back to Charlie’s camp.

“Alice?” Hatter whispered. Alice sat next to him on the bed and brushed his hair back off his forehead. He was a bit feverish, but Charlie had given him something that he promised would take care of that as well as some of the pain.

“I’m here.”

“Stay with me.” Hatter opened his eyes and looked up at her. “Please.”

“I’m right here, Hatter. I’ll sit with you. Sleep now.”

“No,” Hatter said. His voice was stronger now. “Stay with me.”

Alice knew what he was asking. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked away. How could he want her, after all she’d put him through? She was a mess, she knew that. Hatter had done so much for her, suffered so much because of her. He deserved someone better.

“Alice.” Hatter pushed himself up, grunting a bit at the pain as he did so. He put his hand on Alice’s cheek and turned her head so she was looking at him again. “I don’t want you to go.”

The earnest look in his eyes made her tears flow freely. And then suddenly she was in his arms, sobbing into his shoulder, as the dam broke and the emotions of the day finally caught up with her. Despair over her father’s death. The grief she’d felt when she’d thought Hatter was dead. Fear of being killed herself. Astonishment at what she’d done, facing down the Queen and bringing down the Casino.

Hatter held her close, rubbing her back and whispering in her ear. “It’s alright now, Alice. As long as we’re together, it’ll be alright. We need each other. I need _you_.”

Alice pulled back, rubbing her arm over her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Hatter.”

Hatter said nothing, just kept his hand on her back rubbing those little circles. She wished she could tell him she’d stay. All she’d wanted since she came to Wonderland was to leave it, and now that the time had come she’d found she wasn’t ready to go. She wanted to stay with Hatter, so badly. But she was too muddle-headed to think about anything clearly.

“I’m so tired,” she sighed.

Hatter shifted to make room and pulled Alice down beside him. He wrapped his arms around her and she cuddled up next to him, grateful for the shared warmth.

“We’ll decide what to do in the morning, yeah?” Hatter murmured. Alice smiled sleepily.

“We?”

“We,” Hatter repeated firmly. “Now and always, we.”

Alice felt herself slipping into sleep, and welcomed it. With the last shred of consciousness, she was certain she heard Hatter tell her that he loved her. She burrowed in closer and felt more content than she had in a very long time.

“Love you too,” she whispered. And fell asleep with a smile on her face.


	33. Little Wonders

  
**Little Wonders,** by Rob Thomas

  
_Our lives are made_   
_In these small hours_   
_These little wonders_   
_These twists and turns of fate_   
_Time falls away_   
_But these small hours_   
_These small hours_   
_Still remain_

_Let it slide_   
_Let your troubles fall behind you_   
_Let it shine_   
_Till you feel it all around you_   
_And I don't mind_   
_If it's me you need to turn to_   
_We'll get by_   
_It's the heart that really matters in the end_   


* * *

Hatter had certain expectations when he woke up that morning. He would spend a few minutes reading while he had his breakfast tea, as he always did. He would take his time selecting his outfit for the day. He would spend several hours in his office catching up on paperwork and receiving visitors who might have some information to barter with. It would be a standard day.

And yet here he was now, on the run from both the Suits and the Resistance, in the company of a crazy old man and a hard-headed Oyster. He was riding a horse – something he’d not done in many years – through the Forest of Wabe and heading to parts unknown to lay low. How had his day gotten so twisted around?

Still, with all of the really terrible things that had happened to him today, Hatter found that in this one moment his life was very, very good. The horse had set up a steady, rhythmic pace that was unexpectedly soothing. Alice sat behind him, and he was completely distracted by her closeness.

No woman, with the exception of Carlotta St. Delaware, had ever caused Hatter so much trouble. And yet…there was something about her. She could be at turns tough and vulnerable, and her loyalty to her boyfriend was staggering. He’d never had such close contact with an Oyster, and was surprised to find that he wanted more.

“You comfy?” he asked Alice. She clearly was not, sitting up behind him and holding on the rope that held Charlie’s contraption.

“No,” she said, shifting behind him. “Of course not.”

“Why don’t you just lean forward, put your arms around my waist, and let my body take the weight.”

Hatter could feel her hesitation; he knew she didn’t completely trust him. He was surprised when she let out a sigh and leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him. Alice rested her cheek against his back and sighed again.

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing,” Hatter said. But that was a lie. It was far more than it should have been. He relished the feel of her there at his back, and the way it felt being in her arms. It made him suddenly wish for things he knew could never be, and he forced himself to stay in the now. To appreciate this one moment, and remember it.

Hatter resisted the urge to put his hand over hers, to feel her soft skin again as he had on the ledge. He found himself thinking of her lips, and those beautiful blue eyes. He wondered how her hair would feel if he ran his hands through it. And mostly he wondered how it would feel to have her hugging him this way because she wanted to be close to him, too.

Alice snuggled in closer, and Hatter could tell by her breathing that she was drifting off to sleep. He could feel every contact point between them. There was no turning back now, he knew. No matter what happened from here on in, he’d do whatever it took to protect Alice, and see her safely home. 

He’d do anything for her.


	34. Down With the Sickness

  
**Down With the Sickness,** by Disturbed

  
_Drowning deep in my sea of loathing_   
_Broken your servant I kneel_   
_(Will you give in to me?)_   
_It seems what's left of my human side_   
_Is slowly changing in me_   
_(Will you give in to me?)_

_Looking at my own reflection_   
_When suddenly it changes_   
_Violently it changes (oh no)_   
_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_   
_Open up your hate, and let it flow into me_   
_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_   
_You mother get up come on get down with the sickness_   
_You f****r get up come on get down with the sickness_   
_Madness is the gift, that has been given to me_   


* * *

The Doctors Dum and Dee were feared by almost all who knew them, with the possible exception of the Queen, who feared no-one. Of the two, Doctor Dee was the more frightening, the one that even the Suits avoided when they saw him in the hall. Luckily Dee wasn’t seen too often – he rarely left the Truth Room or his own quarters in the same wing.

Russell was the only one who knew the Doctors’ history. He was their keeper, a Spade that had been assigned to keep an eye on things and make sure Doctor Dee didn’t get too out of hand. The Queen might have had a lack of fear where he was concerned, but she was smart enough to respect the crazy and make sure it was kept in check.

There was no Doctor Dum.

Oh, everyone in the Casino certainly acted as if there were. Whenever Dee referred to his brother, they all just nodded nervously and made sure to address the both of them. They could plainly see that Dee was standing alone, but the pauses when he spoke alerted them to the fact that Dum was supposed to be talking. It was an easy enough charade to play along with once you knew the rules.

The most important rule? Never question Doctor Dee about his fantasy. The last time that had happened, Dee went into a red rage that had cost several Suits and two Diamonds their lives; it had taken weeks to get the blood stains out of the carpet. Russell never, ever forgot that rule.

“Russell,” Doctor Dee would say. “Doctor Dum and I…require several floating spiders…the smaller the better.”

And Russell would nod to the real doctor and the imaginary doctor, and set out to find whatever it was that was required; sometimes it was a particular Tea, other times something like the highly poisonous floating spiders. The Queen allowed him to have whatever was needed in order to get the job done. And Doctor Dee _always_ got the job done.

Only Russell knew of Doctor Dee’s origins, though speculation ran rampant amongst the Diamonds. Some said he’d been born in a house of horrors, rescued from parents who tortured him. Others said he’d been born wrong, or that his mother had consumed too much Tea whilst pregnant. They were all right, to a certain extent. Russell knew that the trauma of Dee’s birth and childhood had fractured the man’s mind somehow, had caused him to fabricate a brother where there was none. A partner in his insanity.

There were times that he felt very sorry for the mad Doctor, though it would never do to let anyone see that. Particularly the Doctor himself.

“Russell,” Doctor Dee said now. “Doctor Dum and I need you…to change our appointments for the day. We’ve a special one…delivered by the Assassin. We’ll need extra time.”

“I’ll get right on it. Doctor Dee. Doctor Dum.” Russell went to make the arrangements, disconcerted as always to see the gleefully maniacal gleam in the Doctor’s eye. He pitied whatever poor soul was being brought in. He always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** This song came on the radio and hubby said it would be good for a songfic about the Doctors. While I was listening to it I had the idea of there only being one Doctor originally, and somehow a trauma led to the creation of the second Doctor. Hubby expounded on that, and together we came up with the idea of the imaginary Doctor, which I think is pretty cool and also somehow disturbing.


	35. Your Arms Feel Like Home

  
**Your Arms Feel Like Home,** by 3 Doors Down

  
_I think I've walked too close to love_   
_And now I'm falling in_   
_There's so many things this weary soul can't take_   
_Maybe you just caught me by surprise_   
_The first time that I looked into your eyes_

_There's a life inside of me_   
_That I can feel again_   
_It's the only thing that takes me_   
_Where I've never been_   
_I don't care if I lost everything that I have known_   
_Cause it don't matter where I lay my head tonight_   
_Your arms feel like home_   
_You feel like home_

_This life ain’t the fairy tale we both thought it would be_   
_But I can see your smiling face as it's staring back at me_   
_I know we both see these changes now_   
_I know we both understand somehow_   


* * *

Hatter stood outside Looking Glass Hall, his heart in his throat. Alice was on the other side of the door, and she was leaving. He knew she had to go, knew she didn’t belong in Wonderland. It was still a dangerous place, more so now that the balance of power had shifted; the Queen may have been removed from the throne, but that didn’t mean all of Wonderland’s troubles were going to magically disappear. No, it was better if she left.

So why couldn’t he go in and say goodbye? Why was he still loitering outside the door? He could turn around and walk away right now. Hatter told his feet to start moving, but they didn’t listen. He remained rooted to the spot. He didn’t know what he’d even say to her. Thanks for the memories? Sorry I almost got you killed? Please don’t leave, I can’t live without you?

Hatter took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair. He needed to man up, get in there and say goodbye. Because if he didn’t see Alice one last time he knew he’d regret it. He took a deep breath, clapped his hat back on his head, and went through the revolving door.

And saw Alice giving Jack Heart a nice, lingering embrace.

The disappointment was crushing. Despite everything, did she still have feelings for that wanker? Even after all the lies? Hatter changed his mind. He didn’t need to say goodbye, didn’t need to exchange false endearments. But he still found himself moving forward. He got close enough to see Jack pull that damn ring out and offer it to Alice.

Was that royal bastard seriously asking Alice to be his queen? Hatter was stunned. And worried. What if Alice said yes? What if she stayed in Wonderland as the new Queen of Hearts? He didn’t think he could bear it. When Alice turned Jack down, Hatter’s mouth literally dropped open.

“I’m not the same girl you knew,” she told Jack. “I want something different.”

Something? Or someone? Alice had rejected Jack and his offer of wealth. Maybe…just maybe…she could give Hatter an honest chance. He watched her restart the Glass, and the fear of losing her grew large inside him again.

“Hatter!”

Alice had spotted him, and he found himself tongue-tied once more. Maybe he’d been wrong. If Alice didn’t want Jack – cultured, sophisticated, rich Jack – what made him think she’d go for a down-on-his-luck Tea Shop owner? Who could no longer sell Tea.

“Alice! Hey!” Hatter met her halfway. “I was…um…I was afraid I might’ve missed you.”

“Yeah, you cut it a little close,” Alice said. She smiled at him expectantly and Hatter didn’t know what to do. He reminded himself of his earlier resolve, of his belief that Alice was safer back in her world.

“I wanted to say…goodbye.”

“Goodbye?” Alice echoed. Her smile began to waver.

“And if you…you know…ever fancy coming back…” Hatter didn’t finish that thought. Did he think she’d be vacationing in Wonderland or something? It was ridiculous. There was nothing for her here.

“You want me to stay?” she asked.

“Hell no!” Hatter said, wincing at the tone in his voice. “No, I think you should go home.”

He knew that’s where she belonged, but saying the words was like a physical pain. He knew if she’d really wanted to stay, she wouldn’t have said no to Jack. No-one ever said no to Jack.

Alice looked at him, uncertainty in her eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ve had enough of Wonderland for a lifetime.”

“Yes. I am sure you have. Right?” Hatter smiled and laughed, but it was forced and fake. He couldn’t blame Alice, not really. She’d almost died here, had lost her father here.

“Still,” he said. “We had…had a laugh. You know? Had some good times. Obviously…amid all the bad times.” He was babbling and he couldn’t stop his traitor tongue from saying such idiotic things. He was surprised she wasn’t running for the Looking Glass at this rate.

“Yeah. Yeah, we did.”

There was a long, uncomfortable silence between them. Hatter studied her face, memorizing every feature. She’d be gone soon, back to her own world, and she’d likely forget all about him once she got there. But he’d never forget her, not ever. 

“Oh. Um…yeah. Right.” And another heartache as Alice shrugged out of the coat he’d given her. He protested, weakly, but soon he had the velvet coat back in his hands. He clutched it tightly, the only physical link he’d have to her once she was gone.

“So, we should…” Hatter held his arms out, feeling awkward. He wanted one last hug, one last chance to hold Alice in his arms. 

She studied him for a long moment and he was in the act of lowering his arms in defeat when she stepped in and wrapped her arms around him. Hatter hesitated only a second before pulling her close. He closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of her pressed tightly against him. He breathed in her scent and ever so delicately rubbed his cheek against her hair.

Hatter didn’t know how much time passed while they stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms. But he felt Alice begin to shake, just a little, and he pulled back to see that she was crying. He was immediately stricken; had he done something wrong? 

“Alice?” he asked, uncertain.

“I don’t want to go,” Alice cried. She angrily rubbed at the tears with the back of her hand. “It’s stupid. I should just…”

“No.” Hatter couldn’t let her leave, not like this. “Alice. Why…?”

“It’s stupid,” Alice repeated. “I hate this stupid place. It’s scary and confusing and everyone’s always trying to kill me. But I don’t want to leave Charlie. Or you.”

“We’ll always be friends,” Hatter said, trying to soothe her.

“I don’t want to be your friend!” Alice snapped. Hatter froze. She was mad at him, then. Angry about the hug, maybe. He started to pull away, but Alice held him in place.

“I don’t want to be your friend,” she said again, more softly this time. Hatter looked into her beautiful blue eyes, and understood what it was she was trying to say. He threw caution to the wind, and bent down to capture Alice’s lips in a kiss.

Alice threaded her hands through his unruly hair and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss and drawing him in until they were once more pressed tightly together. Hatter forgot that Alice was better off in her own world. He forgot that he was supposed to be protecting her, even if that meant she had to leave. He nearly forgot his own name.

The kiss was finally broken by a technician in a clear plastic lab coat, who came to escort Alice to the Looking Glass. Alice shrugged him off.

“Tell me,” she said, never looking away from Hatter. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want you to stay,” Hatter murmured. “Nothing will be good without you.”

Alice smiled at him then, though tears were still running down her cheeks. “Are you sure? You know how much trouble I can be.”

“Worth every bit of it, love,” he replied. His heart was pounding in his chest. Was she really going to stay with him? Could this really be happening? There wasn’t a Tea in Wonderland that could make him feel better than he did at that moment.

“Jack!” Alice called. The King of Hearts made his way back across the Hall, his eyebrow raised as he looked at the two of them. Hatter realized that they were still standing very close together.

“Alice?”

“If I write a letter to my mother, will one of your Suits deliver it for me?”

“You’ll be staying, then?” Jack asked. Hatter held his breath.

“For the time being…yes. We’ll see how things go.”

Jack looked at the two of them, then nodded and walked off. Hatter rested his forehead on Alice’s, barely keeping his own emotions in check.

“You sure, Alice?”

“No,” Alice replied. “But I love you.”

Hatter had to close his eyes against the burning tears he was holding back. She loved him. _Loved_ him. It was suddenly hard for him to breathe. Alice put her hand on his face, her thumb lightly tracing his cheekbone.

“Hatter?”

“Alice…” Hatter’s voice broke and he struggled to regain control of himself. “You’re everything to me.”

When it was physically impossible for him to say any more, he kissed her again, this time a bit desperately, but she seemed to understand. And then he just held her in his arms, clinging to her like a life line. Around them the Oysters were clapping and Charlie was crying and the Suits just looked amused.

“I love you, Alice,” Hatter whispered in her ear.

“I know,” Alice said, smiling. “Let’s go. I have a letter to write.”

“You’ll be needing this, love.” Hatter held out the coat, and helped Alice slip back into it. For the first time since he was a kid, all was right in his world. Everything was as it should be.

They left Looking Glass Hall together, hands clasped and bodies pressed in close. Neither one of them worried about what the future would bring, or how they could make things work. They cared only that they were together.

And for right now, that was enough.


	36. Bring Me To Life

  
**Bring Me To Life,** by Evanescence

  
_How can you see into my eyes like open doors?_   
_Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb_   
_Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold_   
_Until you find it there and lead it back home_

_Wake me up_   
_(Bid my blood to run)_   
_I can't wake up_   
_(Before I come undone)_   
_Save me_   
_(Save me from the nothing I've become)_

_All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see_   
_Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me_   
_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems_   
_Got to open my eyes to everything_

_Without thought, without voice, without a soul_   
_Don't let me die here_   
_There must be something more_   
_Bring me to life_   


* * *

She floated in a haze, feeling nothing except the occasional faint flickers of excitement. She didn’t where she was, or even who she was, but it didn’t seem to matter. Occasionally a little glow of anxiety would flare up, bringing with it the feeling that she was supposed to be somewhere, or do something. But it didn’t last long and she was back to the calming nothingness that was her existence.

And then the voice came. The commanding, demanding voice that sliced right through the fog, shredding it.

“This isn’t a dream. This is really happening. Look at me. Think. Where are your families?”

She didn’t want to look, but there was no ignoring the voice. And with it came the anxiety, much stronger now. The feeling that something was terribly wrong.

“Your kids. Your husbands and your wives. And your mothers and your fathers.”

And a picture popped into her mind of two little girls, both with blond pigtails. They were…her daughters! Yes, her daughters! She was so excited to remember that, she almost forgot that she didn’t even know who she was. She blinked, clearing her vision, and looked around in confusion. Where was she? Who were these other people?

“You were taken from them and brought here. Try to think. Your name. What’s your name?”

The voice belonged to a woman; she could see her now. Her voice was so very strong, and she wanted to do whatever the woman said. She _needed_ to. She tried to remember her name, and suddenly it was just there. Bonnie. Her name was Bonnie. And her girls…Jenny and Lucy.

“Taylor,” said the man beside her, looking dazed. “No, that’s my son.”

Bonnie looked up at him and smiled. He was like her. All the other people in the room were like her. And now she remembered being taken off the street on her way to get the girls from school. Remembered something being sprayed in her face, making her forget everything. And now there was panic. Where was she? What was happening here?

“Look down at your feet. Try to walk away from the tables.”

Bonnie obediently looked down, and saw that the woman was trying to show them how they were trapped here. Something was pinning her bare feet to the floor; she couldn’t move them, not even to wiggle her toes.

“I can’t move my feet!” a young woman cried.

They all looked at the woman on the stage, the woman who had woken them up. She would tell them what to do. Bonnie knew there was something different, something special about that woman in the purple coat. She would help them.

Bonnie became aware of a noise at the door now, a loud pounding. It echoed the pounding of her own heart. She wanted to go home, wanted to be with her girls. This place, whatever it was, was a bad place. 

“Look! They’re trying to break down the door. You know why? Because they don’t want you to wake up.”

At those words the panic in the room amped up. Everyone was muttering or crying. Bonnie tried again to move her feet, to no avail. The bad people were coming and there was nothing she could do.

When the door burst open everyone, including Bonnie, dropped down to the floor and covered their heads with their arms. As gunfire erupted, and her fear kicked into overdrive, the only thing that kept Bonnie from completely losing her head was the knowledge that the woman on the stage would help them. She didn’t know how she knew that, but she did. 

The woman was a total stranger, but Bonnie trusted her completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** So, my husband wanted me to use this song for a Mad March story. And every time I listened to it I tried to think along those lines, but nothing good was coming to me. But then it suddenly struck me that this would be an excellent Oyster song.
> 
> This story goes along with my idea that Alice’s words have power. I touched on this idea a bit in chapter 11 of Crumbs in the Butter – how the First Alice had power in her words, which turned people back into playing cards. I think this Alice has a bit of that too, because how else could she turn the Queen’s loyal Suits against her so quickly at the end of the movie?


	37. Sex Bomb

  
**Sex Bomb,** by David Readman Band

  
_Spy on me baby use satellite_   
_Infrared to see me move through the night_   
_Aim gonna fire shoot me right_   
_I'm gonna like the way you fight_

_Now you found the secret code I use_   
_to wash away my lonely blues_   
_So I can't deny or lie cause you're_   
_the only one to make me fly._

_Sex bomb Sex bomb you're a Sex bomb_   
_You can give it to me, when I need to come along_   
_Sex bomb Sex bomb you're my Sex bomb_   
_And baby you can turn me on._

_Make me explode although you know_   
_the route to go to sex me slow_   
_And yes, I must react to claims of those_   
_who say that you are not all that._

_You can give me more and more counting up the score_   
_You can turn me upside down and inside out_   
_You can make me feel the real deal_   
_And I can give it to you any time because you're mine_   


* * *

Hatter was a grown man, with a healthy sex drive and a woman who drove him absolutely crazy. Even when she was doing something as mundane as standing at the stove, crisping up bacon for BLTs. Especially then, because she was concentrating so hard on not burning the bacon that her tongue was poking ever so slightly between her teeth. In his mind he pictured her wearing nothing but an apron, and his eyes glazed over.

Fresh out of the shower, Hatter slung his towel over the back of a kitchen chair and crept up on Alice, already half-aroused. Apparently she was completely focused on the bacon, because when he put his hands on her hips she shrieked and whirled around, bacon tongs out to use like a weapon. Hatter yelped as he got a splattering of hot grease on his chest, as well as a significantly more sensitive part of his anatomy.

“Hatter! Are you okay?” Alice snatched up dishcloth and swabbed at his chest. Hatter danced away from her, heading back to the bathroom. It was safe to say all thoughts of having a romp were gone.

“Gotta rinse off, love!” Hatter called over his shoulder. While he was in the shower, trying to soothe his aching skin and cursing his stupid luck, the bacon burned.

*o*o*o*

It took another whole day before Hatter felt in the mood to try again. This time he approached Alice head-on, while she was getting dressed. Clad only in a pair of lacy blue underwear, matching bra and the red shirt she was pulling over her head, Alice was an extremely tasty vision.

“You look good enough to eat, love,” Hatter growled. He strode forward and yanked the shirt away from her, leaving her in her scanties and skin. He fisted one hand in her hair and pulled her roughly against him for a kiss. Alice responded immediately, her fingers biting into his shoulders as she pressed herself against him.

Hatter’s free hand slid down the smooth skin of her back, then under her panties to cup her bottom; he gave it a firm squeeze, making Alice jump. She took a small step back, allowing Hatter to slide his hand round to the front, tangling in the curls there. Alice moaned, her head rolling back and giving Hatter access to her throat. He kissed the slender column of her neck while his nimble fingers coaxed more moans out of Alice.

And then there was a loud knock on the front door.

“Ignore it,” Hatter panted into Alice’s ear.

“Alice!” Carol called through the door. “It’s time to go!”

Alice flushed and pulled away, hastily tossing her shirt over her head. “Crap!”

“Why’s your mum here?” Hatter groaned in frustration and fell back on the bed. He tried to adjust his erection, which was straining against his trousers, but it was pointless and painful.

“I told her I’d help with a charity fundraiser today.” Alice hopped on one foot, getting her pants on. “Get the door, Hatter!”

“I can’t go out there like this!” Hatter gestured to the obvious lump in his trousers. Alice gave him a measured look.

“Just a minute, Mom!” she shouted. “Where the hell are my shoes?”

“How long will you be gone?” 

“About four hours,” Alice said, poking through the closet. “I’ll call if it runs later.”

Hatter sighed as Alice gave him a quick kiss, promised him a rain check, and ran out the door. If this kept up, he worried he’d explode.

*o*o*o*

It was getting on dark by the time Hatter came home from work. Alice had called to say she’d be even later, so he made no effort to hide his weariness as he came in the door and dropped down on the sofa. For some reason, the hat shop had been fairly inundated with customers the last week or so. He was exhausted, so much so that he dropped off to sleep almost immediately upon sinking into the sofa cushions.

He came awake slowly sometime later, feeling unaccountably warm. It took him a moment to shake the cobwebs from his head and realize that Alice was home and curled up behind him. She clearly wasn’t sleeping, though; his shirt was unbuttoned, his trousers well on their way to being undone, and one hand was tweaking his nipple.

“Alice?”

“You were expecting someone else? Hmmm…that’s not nice.” Alice gave his nipple a sharp tug while her other hand finally undid his trouser button and worked down the zipper.

“What time is it?” Hatter asked, feeling decidedly loose under Alice’s ministrations.

“Time to stop asking stupid questions,” Alice replied. She slipped her hand under the waistband of his silk boxers and ran it languorously along his quickly hardening length. “I turned the ringer off on the phone, locked the door, and made sure nothing was on the stove. No interruptions this time.”

Alice’s light touch sent shivers down his spine, but he wanted more. He felt like a bomb ready to go off, and the time for slow and easy had passed. Hatter rolled so that Alice was on top of him, her long hair tickling his face. He kissed her, as deep and as desperate as a man dying of thirst when he finally reaches that oasis.

“Hatter…” Alice moaned, when they finally broke apart. Hatter pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it on the coffee table. One twist of his fingers, and he had her bra unhooked and discarded as well. Her small, pert breasts were handily located right near his mouth, which he put to good use suckling first one then the other while Alice fairly purred above him, grinding against him ever so slightly.

“My Alice,” Hatter murmured. “You taste so sweet.”

He shifted them again so that he was straddling Alice, a better position for helping her slide off her jeans and panties. Feeling her wet heat against his hardness almost undid him then and there, but he reigned himself in as best he could. He quickly divested himself of his own clothes, so that they were skin on skin, bodies flushed with heat.

Alice put her hands in Hatter’s hair and tugged him down, guiding him to her neck; she loved it when he nibbled and sucked on the sensitive skin there. Always the multi-tasker, Hatter put his hands to use as well. One kneaded Alice’s breast while the other slipped between them, moving down to cup her sex; the heel of his hand pressed against her sensitive nub, making her buck beneath him.

“Sweet and sexy later, Hatter,” Alice said, rolling her hips against his. “I want you hard and fast. Now!”

Never let it be said that Hatter couldn’t take constructive criticism. He pulled back a bit, and let Alice guide him in to her hot, slick core. He sheathed himself in her, his eyes rolling back in his head. She was like silk, smooth and sweet. It would be easy to make slow, steady thrusts and take his time bringing her. But neither of them wanted that, not now, and so Hatter pulled almost all the way out and thrust forward again, hard.

Alice cried out and met him thrust for thrust, her nails digging shallow scratches in Hatter’s shoulders. Skin slapped against skin, and soon they were both covered in a sheen of sweat. Hatter was hanging on to his control by the skin of his teeth; he reached between them once again, rubbing his thumb on Alice’s clit. It was enough to send her over, thrashing and groaning. Hatter followed behind her, his toes curling as he climaxed.

They both lay limply in each other’s arms, gasping for breath. Alice pressed a soft kiss to Hatter’s cheek.

“Well, that certainly took the edge off.”

“You have no idea, love,” Hatter mumbled. He thought about their bed, and how good it would feel to climb into it right about now and get some sleep. But then Alice’s hand wrapped around his cock, coaxing it back to life. And Hatter figured that if he couldn’t sleep, this was definitely the next best thing.

“Does it still hurt from the burn?” Alice asked, her voice thick with lust.

“It’s right painful, love. Fairly debilitating.”

“I’ll kiss it better,” Alice purred. 

And at that point, Hatter lost all ability for coherent thought.


	38. The Good Witch of the North

  
**The Good Witch of the North,** by Everclear

  
_You pull me down to the floor of our apartment_   
_A little while later we are laughing at our carpet burns_   
_I like the way that it glows outside as the room gets darker_   
_How I wish we could stay like this while the rest of the world turns_

_There has never been a time when I didn’t want to be your boyfriend_   
_There has never been a time when I didn’t want to know your name_   
_Free falling from a work in progress_   
_Free falling from a life on hold_   
_There has never been a time when I didn’t want you_

_Yes my good lover is my one good thing these days_   
_She helps me keep it all from slipping away_   
_I swear I’m gonna marry you someday_   
_Yeah my girlfriend is like magic in my hand_   
_When I lose my sparkle she’s the only one that understands_   
_I know I’m gonna marry you someday_   
_I swear I’m gonna marry you someday_   
_Someday, someday, someday_   


* * *

Hatter lay on the floor, gasping for breath. He was fairly certain he’d had a heart attack, or a stroke, or some other such horrible malady. Of course, it was also possible he was watching too many of those doctor shows on the television. He groaned softly as he shifted and felt the rug burns on his backside.

“You gonna make it?” Alice murmured into his ear.

“Dunno, love. Ask me later.” Hatter couldn’t even drum up the energy to turn his head and look at her. In fact, he wasn’t certain he could even feel his eyelids.

It was like this every month. For some reason, a day or two before Alice’s monthly cycle she turned into a raging nymphomaniac. Hatter never knew when or where the urge would strike her, but she’d grab him and wring him out like a dishrag. This time he’d only just come home from work, hadn’t even gotten the door closed, when she threw herself on him. They’d had a vigorous time of it right on the living room floor.

As the blood began to flow through his limbs again, Hatter couldn’t help but think how lucky he was. His Alice was beautiful and sexy, and if he had to suffer the odd sprain or rug burn once a month, it was a small price to pay. He loved to love her, and it excited him when she was the aggressor.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Alice asked. She rubbed her hand over his arm in lazy strokes.

“Not enough blood in the brain for that,” Hatter replied. Alice chuckled.

“I’m sorry. I could’ve at least let you take your coat off first.”

“S’okay.” Hatter found he could finally move his arm, enough to wrap it round Alice and pull her closer to his side. He wondered if life with her would always be like this – full of surprises. He never thought he’d have someone like her in his life, someone who knew almost everything about him and loved him anyway. 

It wasn’t just the sex, either, though that was an incredible bonus. It was the little things, like having someone to share a cup of tea with in the morning, and talk over the events of the day with at night. Alice put little love notes in his lunch, and always made sure he was dressed warmly when the weather was cool. She took care of him as no-one else ever had. She could be moody, and could easily out-scream him, but her love was boundless.

“We should get some clothes on,” Alice said. She cuddled in as close as she could, and Hatter could feel the goosebumps on her arm. “Hatter?”

“What? Oh. Yeah.” Using incredible strength of will, Hatter was able to get to his feet and pull Alice up with him. Once they were upright she pulled him into a nice, warm kiss, which did more than anything else to get his blood flowing in all the proper directions again.

“We should get married,” Hatter murmured.

Alice pulled back in surprise. “What?”

“We should get married,” Hatter said again. He was surprised to hear himself say the words, but they felt right.

“Are you proposing to me? Naked? In the living room?”

“Why not?” Hatter took two steps away from Alice and held out his arms. “I’m offering you this. Just me. Nothing that went before or may come after. Just me.”

Alice raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her bare breasts. “Just you, eh?”

“At the bottom of it all, that’s what we have. Just me. Just you. Just us, together. I want to be with you, always. No matter what things – good or bad – may happen.”

Hatter studied Alice, trying to read her expression. He couldn’t help but be a bit distracted by the attractive picture she made, standing there in nothing but her skin. Incredibly, despite the vast amounts of energy he’d expended not long ago, he felt himself stirring as desire for Alice washed through him.

Alice’s gaze lowered, and then she broke down, laughing so hard she had to hold her stomach. 

“Oh my God!” 

Hatter frowned. What was so damn funny? There were tears streaming down Alice’s face, she was laughing so hard.

“Alice…”

“I’ll never…be able to…tell our kids…” Alice wheezed.

“What?”

“Never tell them…how you proposed…” She folded up, sinking back down to sit on the floor. Hatter narrowed his eyes.

“What does that mean?”

It took a minute or two for Alice to regain her composure, but when she did she held her hands out for Hatter and pulled him down to join her on the floor. She kissed him, soft and sweet, then rested her forehead on his.

“It means you’ll have to do it again, when we have clothes on, so when people ask how it happened I’ll be able to tell them.”

Hatter grinned. “Does that mean yes?”

“That means yes, Hatter.”

There was more kissing then, and Hatter knew that there’d be rug burns on his rug burns, but he didn’t care. He had his Alice, and that was all that mattered.


	39. Helplessly Hopelessly

  
**Helplessly Hopelessly,** by Jessica Andrews

  
_I can stand with the weight of the world_   
_On my shoulders_   
_I can fight with the toughest of the tough_   
_I can laugh in the face_   
_Of all my insecurities_   
_Anytime, anywhere, anything_   
_I'm strong enough_

_But when you're holding me like this_   
_I'm carelessly lost in your touch_   
_I'm completely defenseless_   
_Baby, it's almost too much_   
_I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly_   
_Falling in love_

_So let consequence do what it will to us_   
_I don't care_   
_Let the stars stand as witness to it all_   
_Say the word and tonight I will follow you anywhere_   
_I just can't pretend anymore_   
_I'm too sturdy to fall_   


* * *

Alice sat on the other side of the fire, looking down at the ground and trying desperately not to cry. She’d thought she and Hatter were a team, that he was going to help her save Jack, and then come back to her world when it was all said and done. It was stupid, but the idea of that had gotten stuck in her head and now she was so disappointed. Was he only helping her to get the ring?

Hatter muttered something and Alice looked up at him. He was gorgeous by firelight, his eyes so dark and the lines of his face softened. He was the complete opposite of Jack in almost every way, and yet Alice felt inexplicably drawn to him; it scared her a little.

“What?” she snapped.

He looked at her for a long moment. “I said, Jack’s a lucky guy.”

“I hardly think he’d agree,” Alice said. She was embarrassed by the implied compliment, and looked back at the fire.

“You must really love him, to go through all this,” Hatter said. He came around the fire and sat down at Alice’s feet. She turned her head away.

“I don’t…it’s just…complicated.” Alice almost winced. What was she saying? It’s not like Hatter really needed to know. She didn’t even know herself. She liked spending time with Jack, but more and more Alice thought that had less to do with love and more to do with not wanting to be alone. She’d never felt for Jack what she was feeling for…Alice shook her head. She wasn’t going there.

“What difference does it make, anyway? You just want the ring.” Alice knew she sounded petulant. She put the blame on a long, crazy day and a surfeit of emotion.

“Alice. Look at me.” When she didn’t comply, Hatter cupped her chin with his hand and turned her head. “I just want you safe.”

The emotion in Hatter’s eyes almost undid Alice. She read the truth of his words there. And really, he’d been saying it all along; he wanted her back in her world because that’s where she would be safe. Safe from gun-wielding Suits and crazy Dodo and a Queen with a penchant for beheading.

“I’m sorry,” Alice whispered. Hatter moved his hand to her cheek and his thumb lightly ran over her lips. A shiver of desire and fear ran through her. She reminded herself that she hardly knew this man, had in fact been in his company less than a day. But in that day he’d taken a bullet meant for her. He’d punched a Jabberwock right in the eye to save her. He’d traded his own safety to help her.

Alice slid off the barrel, coming to rest on her knees in front of Hatter. Wonderland was a crazy place, nothing made sense here. Just like her feelings for this man made no sense. But here they both were, out in the middle of nowhere, hiding from the Queen’s posse, and who knew what tomorrow would bring?

“Alice,” Hatter said. He slid his hand into hair, stroking it back from her face. His voice was so soft, so tender. Jack had never sounded like that when he talked to her.

“I’m scared,” Alice blurted out.

“Of what?”

“You.” Alice reached out a tentative hand and touched his hair. She thought it would be stiff somehow, the way it was always sticking up, but it was soft and thick under her fingertips.

“I won’t hurt you,” Hatter murmured. It sounded like a promise, even though Alice knew there was no way to keep such a promise. Once you gave your heart to someone else, it was so easy to damage it. But sometimes you had to take that chance.

Alice wrapped her hand around the back of Hatter’s neck and pulled him closer. She kissed him, thrilling in the feel of his lips so soft against hers. He hesitated only a moment before kissing her back, instantly deepening it. He pulled her tightly against him, both hands buried in her hair.

“Alice. My Alice,” Hatter whispered. He kissed her cheek, her forehead, the tip of her nose. “What’ve you done to me?”

In that moment Alice resolved to find Jack and make sure he got home safely. But she knew they didn’t have a future together. She wasn’t certain she had one with Hatter, either, but she’d never felt this way with any man before. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she was surprised he couldn’t feel it. Every place his lips touched seemed to burn.

Hatter pulled away, though one hand stayed to stroke through her hair. “It’s been a long day. You should get some rest.”

Alice smiled. He was trying to take care of her, and she felt herself softening even more. She looked over at the bed Charlie had set up for her. Hatter was right, it had been a long day. And she was so tired, it was getting hard to think straight. But the one thing she knew for certain was that she didn’t want to be alone. So when she stood up, she dragged Hatter up with her.

“Will you stay with me? Just to sleep?”

Hatter tilted his head and looked at her with such affection in his eyes that Alice’s breath caught. “If you like.”

Feeling a bit shy now, Alice led the way to the bed. To her surprise, the sheets were fresh and the pillows fluffy. She wondered how Charlie managed that, then decided that she probably didn’t really need to know. She kicked off her boots and got beneath the blanket, keeping the coat on for an extra layer of warmth against the cool night air.

Hatter seemed to be feeling just as awkward as she was. But after a moment he removed his boots and his hat, and got into bed on the other side. He seemed to be clinging to the edge, careful not to touch Alice, but that wasn’t what she wanted. She pulled him closer, then snuggled up next to him with her head on his chest.

“That’s better,” she sighed. Hatter wrapped his arm around her, giving her shoulder a squeeze. The steady beating of his heart helped relax her, and she took a deep breath, memorizing his scent of tea leaves and spice. 

“Thank you, Hatter,” Alice said. She closed her eyes, feeling all of the stress of the day melting away. Tomorrow would take care of itself. Right now she just wanted to sleep, comforted and secure in Hatter’s arms. He kissed the top of her head.

“Get some sleep, yeah?”

Alice tilted her head, kissed Hatter’s jaw. “Yeah.”


	40. Single

  
**Single,** by Natasha Bedingfield

  
_I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me_   
_(Cos I'm happy where I am)_  
 _Don't depend on a guy to validate me_  
 _(No no)_  
 _I don't need to be anyone's baby_  
 _(Is that so hard to understand?)_  
 _No I don't need another half to make me whole_

_Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't_   
_I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't_

_I'm single_   
_(Right now)_   
_That's how I wanna be_   
_I'm single_   
_(Right now)_   
_That's how I wanna be_

_Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good_  
 _(I like who I am)_  
 _I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would_   
_I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should_  
 _(Can't romance on demand)_  
 _I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood_

_Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place_   
_I know I'll settle down one day_   
_But 'til then I like it this way it's my way_   
_Eh I like it this way_   


* * *

Alice lay propped up on her elbows, watching people going through the park. It was a warm day, perfect for laying out on a blanket and soaking up some sun; not much conducive to studying, though. Alice’s Applied Business textbook lay unopened at the bottom of the blanket, acting more as a weight than anything else. Besides, it was her last year of college; she’d have to screw up pretty big to flunk out.

Usually when Alice was people-watching, she scanned the faces of the older men. It was something she just couldn’t help, a reflex action. She never stopped looking for her father, whether it be online or on the subway. Always searching.

But today she was looking at the younger men, the ones closer to her age. She tried to imagine being with one of them, part of a happy couple. Her mind just couldn’t conjure it up. Even without knowing a single one of those men, she could find flaws. Too tall, too skinny, receding hairline, annoying laugh, argyle socks – there was always something that turned her off.

“You need to stop comparing these guys to your father,” her mother had said not a week ago. She’d just broken it off with Tom, who was nice enough but talked with his mouth full and was a sloppy kisser. They hadn’t even dated a week. Besides, Alice didn’t think she was comparing anyone to her father; it had been so long, she wasn’t even sure what she’d be comparing.

She knew what her fellow classmates thought of her. Hell, some of her friends even figured she must be a closet lesbian. Oddly enough, guys seemed to take that as a challenge rather than a deterrent. It was more likely that they’d be put off by her physicality – she was already a black belt in martial arts, and she could out-play any guy in just about any game. Alice knew this only further cemented her reputation as a man hater. 

“Don’t you want to find a nice guy to settle down with?” her friend Courtney had asked her.

“No,” was the short reply. Unlike so many of the girls she knew, Alice was in college to get a degree, not a husband. She wanted to have fun without answering to anyone, the way Courtney had to run everything by her boyfriend Mike.

It’s not that she didn’t want to be with someone, because she did. Some days she felt so incredibly lonely, especially when all of her friends were dating. But Alice wanted a relationship on her own terms. She didn’t want to give up any of her freedom, or any of herself. Her girlfriends told her she was taking the whole liberated woman thing too far, but Alice wouldn’t compromise herself. As she was all too aware, men came and men went; it was foolish to build a life around them.

Giving up the people watching, Alice lay back down on the blanket and closed her eyes. She wasn’t going to go looking for a man. If she was meant to be with someone, it would just happen. And if not…well…it’s not like she really needed anyone in her life anyway. She was strong and capable and could take care of herself.

“Don’t need ‘em,” she muttered to herself. And even if it wasn’t true, it was easy to convince herself otherwise.


	41. Know Your Name

  
**Know Your Name,** by Ne-Yo

  
_Excuse me_   
_I couldn't help but notice_   
_You noticing me_   
_And I was definitely noticing you_   
_My name is_   
_You know my name_   
_But listen_   
_I have a question_

_No it ain't like me to drop too hard_   
_Or go out of my way to know who you are_   
_Said if you're not one for chasing_   
_But I'll admit_   
_Something in you_   
_Has got my attention girl_   
_So if I can_   
_Be a gentleman_   
_Can I ask your permission girl_

_Something about you_   
_That makes me wanna know you_   
_Said I wanna get to know you_   
_I just wanna show you me_   
_Said I really wanna get to know you_   
_See what this thing could be_   


* * *

Alice noticed him as soon as she came out of the locker room. Her class was already gathered, some of them doing stretches and others standing in groups talking. She knew them all, all but the new guy, who stood out especially because he was wearing a suit instead of a gi. She studied him surreptitiously while she went through her own stretching routine.

Tall, brunette – though she suspected it was a dye job – and he kept himself apart from the others. He had nicely chiseled features; handsome, but not overwhelmingly so. There was something about him that was different, something that kept drawing her eye to the corner of the dojo where he stood.

While she still had a few minutes before it was time to start the class, Alice went over to introduce herself. She was responsible for everyone in the dojo, particularly during her class times, and she wouldn’t start without knowing who he was and why he was here.

“Hi there,” Alice said. The man studied her for a moment, then smiled. He had very nice teeth.

“It’s a pleasure, Alice.”

That put her guard up, and she shifted ever so slightly into a more defensive posture. “Have we met?”

“My name is Jack. Jack Chase.” He held out his hand. “I was told you’re the best instructor here. For beginners, especially.”

Alice relaxed a bit and shook his hand. He must’ve talked to Jenny or Tim. “Are you thinking of taking a class?”

“Perhaps. I thought I’d sit in on one, get a feel for it.” Jack had a lovely British accent and Alice immediately felt enthralled by it. He sounded very refined, and his smooth, manicured hand only supported the idea that he was well-to-do. He held her hand a bit longer than seemed necessary, but Alice didn’t mind. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but there was something, some little thing, that drew her in.

“Why don’t you have a seat over by the window, and you can see what we do here,” Alice said. “If you’re interested afterwards, I’d be glad to talk to you some more.”

“Thank you very much.”

Alice would gladly keep talking to him, just to hear that accent. She’d have to thank Jenny – though Tim was the more likely culprit – for recommending Jack to her. She shook her head and pulled her focus back on her class. But all the while she was going through the different moves and kicks, she was aware of Jack watching her.

He was still there after the last student had gone and Alice had gotten changed. She discreetly looked him over from the doorway to the locker room. The man was flawless, in appearance anyway. Except for the hair, but she was sure he had his reasons for coloring it.

“So, what did you think? Are you interested?” Alice asked, joining him at the window. Jack looked at her, smiling again.

“Oh, yes. I’m definitely interested.”

Alice quirked up an eyebrow. That certainly sounded like a line. And yet a part of her felt a little thrill at the thought that he found her attractive.

“Could we discuss the class over tea? There’s a little bistro just down the street.” Jack indicated the direction with a tilt of his head.

Alice hesitated for a moment. This guy was a stranger, and she didn’t make it a habit to go off for drinks with strangers. Still, he’d just watched her teach a martial arts class, so he knew she could defend herself. Besides which, that unnamable something was still tugging at her.

“Sure. But make mine coffee. I don’t like tea.”

Jack laughed at that, though Alice didn’t know why it was funny. They walked down the street to the bistro he’d mentioned, and took seats at a small table on the patio. Jack had his tea, and Alice had a hazelnut coffee.

“Why are you considering a martial arts class?” Alice asked.

“I’ve heard it’s good self-defense. I like that it’s disciplined as well. I could use a bit more of that in my life right now.” Jack’s gaze never wavered from hers, and Alice felt a bit uncomfortable under his scrutiny.

“It’s hard work, I’ll tell you that right up front,” she said. “But if you put in the time and follow instructions, you’ll find that you pick it up in no time.”

“How often do you hold your class?” Jack asked. He sipped his tea, frowning only a little as he did so. Alice got the impression that he didn’t like the taste of it. Maybe tea in England tasted differently than it did here. She wanted to ask him where he was from, but thought it might come across as being rude. It was none of her business anyway.

“Twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays. That’s the beginner’s class. I hold intermediate level classes on Mondays and Wednesdays.”

“That must keep you busy.”

Alice shrugged. “It’s what I do. I love it, and it’s always good when you can love your job.”

“Yes, that does make a difference,” Jack agreed. “You have Friday free then?”

Again, Alice took a moment before answering. If all of this was just so he could wrangle a date, she’d be happy to shoot him down. She didn’t care for anyone wasting her time, or trying to con her.

“No, I don’t work at the dojo on Friday.”

Jack beamed, as if he’d just won the lottery. Alice sipped at her coffee and waited.

“I’ll come to the Thursday class, if you’ve room for me. And perhaps Friday I could take you out for lunch?”

Alice considered. If he really intended on taking the class, that was a good thing. And he’d asked her to lunch, not dinner. Dinner implied several things, like a fancy dress and probably a kiss – or more, depending on how bold your date was. But lunch was very low-key. She could do lunch.

“You come to the Thursday class and decide to stick with it, and I’ll go to lunch with you on Friday,” Alice said. And then maybe she could figure out what it was about Jack Chase that she found so terribly appealing.

“You won’t be sorry,” Jack said with a grin.

*o*o*o*

That night, when Alice went to sleep, she dreamed of Jack. 

_She was alone in the dojo, wearing her gi, and going through some kick-punch combos. That’s when she noticed him in the mirrors that lined one wall. It was just his reflection; he wasn’t physically in the room. He wore the same navy blue suit he’d had on that morning._

_“Jack?” Alice asked, her voice too loud._

_The reflections began moving, all of them independently of the others. It was very disconcerting, having each Jack moving in a different direction. And then all the reflections moved to the center mirror, merging into one, and Jack stepped through so that he was standing in front of Alice._

_“There’s something different about you,” she said. He seemed to glow around the edges, as if he were a bad bit of CGI._

_“Yes.” Jack held out his hand. In the center of his palm was a small brass key, like a tiny skeleton key._

_“What is it?”_

_“Your future. Take it.”_

_“But what is it?”_

_“Your happiness. Take it.”_

_Alice reached out and took the key, wrapping her hand around it. It felt warm in her grasp, and made her skin tingle ever so faintly._

_“What do I do with it?” she asked Jack. He stepped backwards, melting into the mirror once again._

_“You’ll know.”_

_“Who are you?”_

_“Who do you want me to be?” he asked. And suddenly he fractured back into many reflections, each one smiling. Each one turning and walking away._

_“Wait!” Alice cried, but Jack was gone. Every Jack was gone, leaving her alone in the dojo._

When Alice woke in the morning, her hand was still curled up as if she was holding the key from her dream. But by the time she’d had a shower and some breakfast and made some plans with her mother, the dream was all but forgotten. And she was already looking forward to the next day, when she’d see Jack again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** I hope the dream sequence came out okay. I wanted to get across the idea that Jack is the key to Alice’s future happiness with Hatter. Because without Jack, she’d never have gone to Wonderland.


	42. Life Line

  
**Life Line,** by Harry Nilsson

  
_Down to the bottom_   
_Hello, is there anybody else here?_   
_It’s cold and I’m so lonely_   
_Hello, is there anybody else here?_

_Hello, won’t you throw me down a life line?_   
_I’m so afraid of darkness_   
_And down here it’s just like night time_

_Ooohs, are all around me_   
_Hello, will you please send down a life line?_

_Down, and there isn’t any hope for me_   
_Unless this dream which seems so real_   
_Is just a fantasy_   


* * *

Alice was bored, as she often was. Harry and Lory refused to play with her; they were two peas in a pod and only interacted with the younger children when forced to do so. Edith was sick and Mother wouldn’t let anyone near her for fear they’d all catch what she had. And since Alice was doing her level best to avoid everyone else, that didn’t leave much for her to do.

That’s how she found herself in the garden, sitting in the grass despite the fact she was wearing her good blue pinafore. If Mother caught sight of a single grass stain, she’d be in trouble. But Alice liked sitting in the cool grass, watching the clouds and looking for shapes.

“You’ve a wonderful imagination, Alice,” her father always said. Mother wasn’t quite as fond of Alice’s tendency to fabricate stories, particularly when she tried to scare her younger siblings with them. She couldn’t help it, though. Her mind was sometimes so full of ideas she felt she’d burst.

So at first, when Alice saw the white rabbit wearing a waistcoat, she thought it was just her mind playing tricks on her again. Was there ever such a good distraction as a rabbit wearing clothes? He was large, as well, easily four times the size of a normal rabbit. Alice watched him hop around the edge of the garden, and wondered where he was going. Were there other rabbits, similarly dressed, waiting for him somewhere in the woods?

“Late, late…” the rabbit muttered. 

Alice narrowed her eyes. She was seven years old, but knew quite well that animals didn’t talk. She was also certain that this was not a product of her imagination. Boredom gave way to curiosity and she got to her feet slowly, so not to startle the creature.

The rabbit seemed to take no notice of her as it hopped off into the woods. Alice followed as stealthily as she could manage. At one point she was sure the rabbit had taken out a pocket watch and consulted it. Her mind was fairly humming with questions. She knew Edith was the only one who would believe her about the rabbit, but that was alright; it could be their secret. They had a lot of secrets.

The rabbit paused at the base of a tree and Alice froze in mid-step. Her heart began to race when it looked at her – directly at her! – and she swore the thing actually grinned at her.

“You’re late,” the rabbit said, before disappearing from sight. 

Alice scurried forward, dropping to her knees when she reached the tree. There was a large hole there amongst the exposed roots, easily large enough for her to squeeze into. She thought about that for a moment or two, contemplating the thrashing she’d receive for crawling around in the dirt in her new dress. Never mind the foolishness of following a rabbit in a waistcoat.

“Curiosity killed the cat,” Alice reminded herself. “Then again, satisfaction brought him back.”

Thus decided, she got on her belly and wriggled her way into the hole. Her shoulders got hung up when she was halfway in and she had a moment to panic that she’d be stuck there. But with much wiggling she got herself free with only a small tear in her sleeve and was able to get all the way into the hole. Alice crawled forward about a foot, unable to see anything in the dark, and then the ground dropped out from under her and she plummeted downward with a shriek.

Alice tumbled head over heels through the blackness and kept waiting for the jarring stop that would likely result in broken bones. But it never came. In fact, she found that if she stretched out her arms she could slow her descent and stop spinning like a top. Her fingertips barely brushed the sides of the rabbit hole.

She fell long enough for the novelty of it to wear off. She didn’t like being in the dark, it was in fact her biggest fear. The dark kept you from seeing danger approaching. Alice started to worry that there could be _things_ in the rabbit hole with her, things that would send her screaming if she saw them. The problem with the dark was that anything could be lurking in there.

But even the dark got tiresome after a time. Alice started to recite poems and sing songs, anything to distract herself. She wondered where the white rabbit had got off too, and what he was late for. She wondered where she was falling to, and how she’d ever manage to get home again. She hadn’t yet snuck in to see Edith, and knew her sister would be missing her soon.

“I’m very tired of this!” Alice called out, just to hear a sound other than the wind in her ears. “I’d very much like to stop falling now!”

There was no reply, naturally, but soon Alice felt that her speed had diminished. And in short order her feet gently touched the ground again and she could lower her aching arms. There was a little light here, just enough for her to see that she was in a tunnel that stretched off in opposite directions. And since she obviously couldn’t go back the way she came, she’d have to settle on one tunnel or the other.

Alice just knew something completely new and strange waited for her, no matter what direction she chose. It was with a mixture of fear and anticipation that she took the first step, choosing to go right instead of left. She had to find her way home, but that was no reason not to have some fun in the meantime. Besides, it would give her an interesting story to tell her sister.

“Curiouser and curiouser,” she said.


	43. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

  
**Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas,** by Judy Garland

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas_  
 _Let your heart be light_  
 _Next year all our troubles_  
 _will be out of sight_

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas_   
_Make the yule-tide gay_   
_Next year all our troubles_   
_will be miles away_

_Once again as in olden days_   
_Happy golden days of yore_   
_Faithful friends who were dear to us_   
_Will be near to us once more_

_Someday soon, we all will be together_   
_If the Fates allow_   
_Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow_   
_So have yourself a merry little Christmas now_   


* * *

Carol sat at the table, her head in her hands. No matter how many times she went over her checkbook, it still came out with a negative balance. She’d spent too much on gifts for Alice – she knew she was over-compensating – and now she was facing overdraft fees from the bank. Why did they charge you money for not having any?

“Mommy? Are you okay?”

Carol automatically pasted a smile on her face as Alice came padding over in her long nightgown and fuzzy blue slippers. It was well past her bedtime.

“Fine, sweetie. What are you doing up.”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Alice had been suffering from insomnia lately, though it was only sporadic. Carol had decided that she’d get Alice into counseling after the holidays; things weren’t getting any better, and she didn’t know how else to help her daughter. It had been nine months since Robert had disappeared, and it seemed that each month just got harder and harder.

“I’m going to bed soon. Do you want to sleep with me?”

Alice nodded solemnly, though her eyes filled with gratitude. She hurried off down the hall, keeping closely to the wall. They’d only been in the apartment for two months, and it seemed cavernous at times. Carol knew that it sometimes frightened Alice to move around in the dark there.

With a sigh, Carol stacked up the bills and slipped them into the checkbook. She tucked the whole of it away in a kitchen drawer and then went around turning out the lights. The last thing to do before she could go to bed was to turn off the lights on the Christmas tree. 

It was a little tree this year, all she could afford. There was a pile of gifts surrounding it, all of them already opened because that’s what they did on Christmas Eve. Once Alice was asleep, she’d sneak back out and put the Santa gifts under the tree, even though Alice didn’t believe anymore.

Carol had stubbornly decided that she and Alice would have their own Christmas that year, instead of joining the Hamiltons. With her own parents gone, she just couldn’t face Robert’s family. Not right now, when they were all still in so much pain. Alice hadn’t questioned her decision, hadn’t expressed any desire to see her cousins or her grandparents. That, and the mood swings, convinced Carol that therapy was the right decision.

When Carol had pulled out the Christmas decorations, Alice helped her put them out just like always. But by the next day Carol had noticed that all of Robert’s favorite ornaments were missing off the tree; she found them smashed and stuffed in the garbage, along with his stocking. When she’d confronted Alice about it, the girl had just cried and run off to her room. But she’d had no reaction at all when Carol had made them tuna sandwiches for dinner instead of the usual fish feast they had every year, something Alice had always looked forward to in the past.

“Stupid Christmas,” Carol grumbled. She turned the tree lights off and made her way down the hall to her bedroom. Alice was curled up on the bed, waiting for her. Carol changed, brushed her teeth, and climbed into bed herself. Alice was at her side in an instant.

“Goodnight, Mommy,” she said.

“Goodnight, Alice.” Carol turned off the bedroom light and tried not to worry about her daughter; there was nothing more she could do. When Alice had her first therapy appointment, Carol reminded herself to tell the therapist everything that Alice was doing now that she’d never done before. Like being afraid of the dark, and calling her Mommy instead of Mom. Like her fearful need to know where Carol was every minute of the day. Her vibrant daughter had disappeared along with Robert, and she so desperately wanted her back.

“Merry Christmas, Mommy,” Alice murmured. 

Carol turned and pressed a kiss to Alice’s forehead. “Merry Christmas, sweetie.”

She desperately hoped the new year would be a better one, for the both of them.


	44. Naughty Naughty Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Much smut to be had here!

  
**Naughty Naughty Christmas,** by Danger Danger

  
_I've been a naughty boy_  
 _I didn't get a toy_  
 _Santa Claus left nothin' underneath my tree_  
 _He knows that I've been bad_  
 _But bein' good just ain't my fad_  
 _So here's the thing to do if you’re just like me_  
 _Everybody, pull the shades, lock the door, like you did before_

_It's too cold to go out today_  
 _We'll take a ride in an open sleigh_  
 _I'll do some kissin' underneath the mistletoe_  
 _My baby’s always been the givin’ kind but when she tells me she's my present and she blows my mind_  
 _I can't wait but I'm gonna unwrap her slow_  
 _Oh yeah we're gonna have a ball_  
 _And we'd like to wish you all..._

_A naughty naughty Christmas and a dirty dirty new year_  
 _Naughty naughty Christmas, feelin' peace and all the good cheer_  
 _If you haven't got someone you love, love someone you’re near_  
 _And have a naughty naughty Christmas this year_  


* * *

Alice woke in the middle of the night to find that Hatter wasn’t in bed with her. She stretched and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes before padding into the living room. She knew where she’d find him – sitting on the living room floor with his back against the sofa, watching the Christmas tree lights blink on and off. He was fascinated by it.

“Hey,” she mumbled, sitting next to him and resting her head on his shoulder. “Can’t sleep?”

Hatter wrapped his arm around her, drawing her closer. “I’ve been thinking. About Santa Claus.”

Alice grinned. “We talked about that, remember?”

“Yeah. I know he’s not real. Just thinking about the naughty and nice bit.” Hatter sighed. “If we’d had Santa in Wonderland, I’d never have gotten gifts.”

Alice put her hand on Hatter’s stubbly cheek, turning him to face her. She rested her forehead on his, her hand moving back to stroke through his unruly hair.

“You’ve been nothing but nice to me,” she said. “I think that helps balance things out.”

“I’ve done things I’m not proud of,” Hatter whispered. “Terrible things.”

“That’s all in the past, Hatter. How many times did you save my life? Do you have any idea how many times you’ve saved it since you came here?”

Hatter shrugged. “From what? Lecherous cab drivers?”

“You saved me from loneliness. You saved me from becoming a solitary, bitter old cat lady. You keep me sane when I need it, and help me be crazy when I need _that_.” Alice pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Everyday that you’re with me is a miracle. You’re my present this year, Hatter.”

Hatter looked at her, his eyes bright, and then he pulled her into a crushing embrace, kissing her deeply. As his tongue stroked teasingly over hers, Alice could feel a fire growing inside her. One thing she’d forgotten to put on her list – how Hatter made her feel so damn desirable and sexy, made her want him every second of every day.

“Hatter,” Alice moaned. He kissed his way down her neck and across her collarbone, one hand sliding up under her sleep shirt to cup her breast and run his thumb over her nipple.

“My Alice,” he breathed across her skin, sending up gooseflesh. “My sweet Alice. You saved me as well.”

Hatter laid her back on the carpet and pushed her shirt up to gain clear access to her breasts. He pulled her nipple into his mouth, nipping it gently and running his tongue over the erect peak. Alice grabbed hold of his hair with both hands, guiding him to the other breast. The lights from the Christmas tree danced over their skin, red and blue and green.

“You’re so beautiful,” Hatter murmured. He left a burning trail of nips and kisses down her sternum and over her rib cage. Alice could feel her bones turning to jello. Just the sound of his voice could do that sometimes, the way his accent thickened as his desire for her grew. It was never just sex with him; it was love and worship and ownership.

Alice felt a momentary chill when Hatter slid her lace panties off, and then he warmed her with his breath. The sensation sent a bolt of heat up her spine and she opened her legs wider to give him access. There was no part of her body that Hatter didn’t devote his full attention to, no part of her that went unloved.

“Ohhhh…Hatter…” Alice moved her hips in rhythm with his tongue. He slid two fingers inside her and she arched up, moaning his name over and over. The pressure built as Hatter licked the length of her, stroking her with his fingers as well as his tongue. 

The orgasm washed over her and she gripped the carpet with both hands, holding on while everything inside her shattered and reformed. Hatter kept hold of her hips, his mouth still moving over her to draw out every bit of pleasure he could. When Alice came back to earth, her heart was pounding in her chest and her insides felt completely liquefied. 

“I love watching you come,” Hatter said. He kissed down her legs, nipping at her ankles, and lavished each toe with attention. Alice closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his mouth on her. He was coming back up now, kissing her knees, her thighs, her bellybutton.

“I love you,” Alice sighed. She pulled Hatter all the way up and captured his lips in her own. The kiss alone was enough to relight the spark of desire in her, and she pulled Hatter’s t-shirt over his head. He was gorgeous, all lean muscle. Alice trailed her hands down his back, pausing as always to trace the old scars there. Hatter nuzzled her neck, then helped her get her own shirt off. There was nothing between them now but his flannel pants. Alice ran her hand down the front of them, grinning when she felt how hard he already was. She knew she could get him harder.

“Oi!” Hatter protested as Alice easily flipped him over on his back. 

“My turn,” Alice purred. Hatter fisted one hand in her hair, pulling her down for a kiss that nearly made her come undone right there. She pulled away and kissed Hatter’s neck. He liked things a bit rougher than she did, and so she used more teeth; his growl of pleasure made her throb with desire.

Alice pulled off the flannel pants, freeing his erection. She caught her breath at the sight of him stretched out there on the floor, his skin seeming to glow in the lights from the tree. She wondered if there would ever be a time when that long, lean, muscled body wouldn’t turn her into a mostly incoherent puddle of goo. She sincerely hoped not.

She mimicked Hatter’s earlier actions, kissing up his legs. She swirled her tongue behind his knee, which made him jump; he was extremely ticklish there. Her lips were everywhere but where he wanted them and she grinned at the frustrated noises he was making.

“Say it, Hatter,” she teased, straddling him without touching. He put his hands on her breasts, squeezing and rolling her nipples.

“Put your mouth on me,” he groaned. “I want my cock in your mouth.”

Alice removed the space between them, so that her sex was pressed along the hard length of him. Hatter grabbed her hips, grinding himself into her wetness. It was enough to send Alice off again, gasping for breath as another orgasm rocked through her. When she regained her senses, she was draped across Hatter’s chest.

“I’m feeling a bit neglected, love,” Hatter said with a grin.

“Your own fault for being so damn sexy,” Alice retorted. She slid off of him and tucked herself into his side, her back to him. She wrapped her hand around his cock, and knew without looking that his eyes had rolled back in his head. She stroked him one, twice, three times before ducking her head and licking up the length of him.

“Alice…”

She loved the contrast of smooth, silky skin and steely hardness, and showed her appreciation by taking him as far into her mouth as she could. Hatter’s narrow hips bucked up as she started to suck, grazing him lightly with her teeth in the way that made him shiver.

Hatter’s right hand moved up and down her back, and reached down to cup her ass. Alice couldn’t help shifting, opening her legs and allowing Hatter to reach under and stroke her clit. She swirled her tongue around the head of his cock before taking him deep again, her hand firmly stroking what she could not fit in her mouth.

“Alice…oh Alice…”

That was a familiar cue, and Alice increased her speed. She grazed him with her teeth again, a bit harder this time, and he exploded in her mouth. Hatter’s back arched, his toes curled, and he hissed her name out between clenched teeth. Alice used her hand to draw out as much cum as she could, swallowing it and giving his cock another few swipes of her tongue. 

She made to move back around, but Hatter shoved his fingers up into her and she squeaked in surprise. She bent over, on her hands and knees now, and rocked back into Hatter’s hand. He had long, nimble fingers and he knew how to use them. It wasn’t long before he was making her cum again, her back bowed.

“That’s three, love,” Hatter said with a lazy grin. Alice lay down at his side, wrung out. They were both covered with a thin sheen of sweat, making them glint and gleam under the Christmas tree lights.

“I didn’t know you were keeping score,” Alice panted.

“Feel like one more?”

Alice tried to protest, to tell Hatter that she didn’t have enough energy right now to even blink, but he silenced her with a kiss. It was a soft, slow kiss, and Hatter fully explored her mouth with his tongue. He didn’t touch her anywhere else, didn’t send his hands roving, and Alice suddenly found that she did have some extra energy after all.

She pulled Hatter down on top of her, running her hands over whatever skin she could reach, and whimpering deep in her throat when he finally relented and stroked his hands down her hips. Alice arched up, begging for more without breaking the kiss. Hatter reached down between them and positioned himself at her opening. Alice whimpered again and he thrust forward, burying himself in her. 

“Oh, God…” Alice said, throwing her head back. Hatter braced himself with one hand and lifted Alice’s hips with the other. She wrapped her legs around him, meeting him thrust for thrust. 

“You feel so good,” Hatter moaned. He dipped his head down to take a nipple in his mouth. Alice put one hand on Hatter’s arm, and the other in his hair, pulling him back into a kiss. She swallowed his moans, and gave him hers. She came first, her cries muffled by Hatter’s mouth. Another thrust, two, three, and then Hatter joined her.

They lay in a heap of sweaty, tangled limbs. Alice gasped for breath and waited for feeling to come back to her extremities. Hatter mumbled something that Alice couldn’t make out, nor could she drum up the interest just at the moment. If she’d only known the sex was going to be this good, she would’ve had him that night in the Forest of Wabe while Charlie snored away in his hammock. Things certainly would’ve turned out differently if she had, she was sure.

Hatter rolled over, draping an arm across Alice’s waist and laying his head on her shoulder. “Mmmmm.”

“You got that right,” Alice agreed. She pushed damp tendrils of hair off his forehead and placed a kiss there. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Hatter murmured. “You know what?”

“What?”

“I don’t want to be nice. Naughty seems to be paying off pretty good, yeah?”

Alice laughed. “Merry Christmas, my Hatter.”

“Merry Christmas, sweet Alice.”

They fell asleep there on the living room floor, bathed in the glow of the blinking Christmas tree lights, each secure in the knowledge that the best present they’d be getting that year was each other.


	45. Hallelujah

  
**Hallelujah,** by Rufus Wainwright

  
_Your faith was strong but you needed proof_   
_You saw her bathing on the roof_   
_Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you_

_She tied you to a kitchen chair_   
_She broke your throne, she cut your hair_   
_And from your lips she drew the hallelujah_

_Maybe I've been here before_   
_I know this room, I've walked this floor_   
_I used to live alone before I knew you_

_I've seen your flag on the marble arch_   
_Love is not a victory march_   
_It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_

_There was a time you let me know_   
_What's real and going on below_   
_But now you never show it to me, do you?_

_And remember when I moved in you?_   
_The holy dark was moving too_   
_And every breath we drew was hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_   
_Hallelujah, hallelujah_   


* * *

Hatter sat on the roof, arms crossed and fuming. Bloody Alice. All he’d done was suggest that they move in together. After all, they’d been dating now for six months, and spent most of their time together. He didn’t know what all the fuss was about, honestly, but Alice had looked almost horrified at the notion.

They’d had quite a row over it. Hatter felt that all the forward progress he’d made with Alice had immediately reversed itself. He’d accused her of being emotionally constipated; she’d called him arrogant and possessive. That had been two days ago, and Hatter hadn’t seen or heard from Alice at all. And he flatly refused to be the one to give in.

“Bloody female,” Hatter grumbled. He’d been up on the roof constantly, perched like a gargoyle while he rehashed the argument in his head. Loving Alice wasn’t easy. He’d known it wouldn’t be before he came through the Looking Glass. She had low self-esteem and was still struggling with the abandonment issues that had plagued much of her life. But there’d been progress for her, and Hatter liked to think that was largely due to his caring, patient influence.

“Arrogant. _Possessive._ ” He grimaced. Her words had stung him, it was true. Did she expect he would just let her have her own way all the time? He didn’t have much experience with relationships, but he knew there had to be a give and take. And hadn’t he given the most, coming to her world and leaving all that he knew behind? That certainly hadn’t won him any arguments, and it should have been his ace in the hole.

Tired of thinking about it, Hatter went back down to his flat to make some tea. That was the best thing about this world – the abundance and variety of tea that was available. His cupboards were stuffed full of little boxes of green tea, herbal tea, chai tea, and any other kind he could get his hands on. Today he felt a nice, soothing cup of Earl Grey was just what he needed.

Hatter skidded to a stop when he stepped through the front door and into the living room. Alice was sitting on his couch, her arms crossed defensively and her eyes narrow with anger. If that’s how she wanted to play it, fine. He closed the door and went into the kitchen without acknowledging her at all.

He put the kettle on the boil and got down a tea cup with a shaking hand. He was still angry, but now there were nerves as well. Why was she here? To tell him she wanted him out of her life for good? He found the prospect of that incredibly frightening – she was all he had here. Easier just to be angry, then.

Hatter carried his tea out to the living room and sat in the chair opposite Alice, going out of his way to strike a casual pose. He sipped his tea and waited, noting how tightly clenched Alice’s jaw was, and how her eyes were red. Had she been crying? He stifled the need to comfort her and instead focused on the tea.

“So you’re just going to sit there?” Alice asked finally, her voice clipped. Hatter shrugged.

“You’re the one who came over. Uninvited, I might add.”

If Alice’s eyes narrowed any further she’d not be able to see out of them. That thought made Hatter smirk

“Why do you want me to live here, Hatter?” Alice asked. 

“Why?” Hatter just stared at her, incredulous; was she deliberately being thick? “Because we spend all our time together. And I like how you snuggle up with me at night.”

And now he sounded like an idiot. Hatter scowled and turned his attention back to his tea. “Why don’t you want to?”

“Living with you scares me,” Alice said. 

Hatter jerked his head up. “What? I scare you?”

“No!” Alice hugged herself, looking less angry. “No, you don’t scare me. The idea of living with you does.”

“Why?”

“Because. It means giving up the last little bit of freedom I have. It means you knowing where I am and what I’m doing. All the time. It makes me completely dependent on you.”

Hatter set his tea cup down to keep himself from throwing it across the room. “Well, thank you for painting such a lovely picture of me.”

“Hatter…”

“No. What are you giving up to be with me? Your own bathroom? It’s not like I’m going to be crawling up your arse, demanding to know where you are every second of every day.” Hatter was up and pacing now, the unfairness of her remarks bubbling through him like lava.

“Hatter…”

“Dependent on me? For what? You think you’d be a kept woman, who didn’t have to put in for rent or food? You honestly think I wouldn’t let you go out with your friends, or do any other bloody thing you wanted? Have I ever once made you do something you didn’t want to do? You make me out to be some kind of bloody monster, when all I want to do is love you.”

Hatter came to a stop in front of the window and rested his head against the cool glass. “I thought we’d got beyond that, Alice. I thought you trusted me.”

She was going to leave him. Hatter was sure of it. If she could think he’d treat her like that…well, clearly the past six months had been some kind of fantasy. He was destined to be alone, as he had been in Wonderland. All the anger drained away and he was left exhausted, and sad.

“I’m so tired of being alone,” he whispered.

Alice came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She rested her head on his shoulder. “It’s hard for me, _not_ being alone. I’ve had to rely on myself for so long, it feels like giving up to hand the reins over to someone else.” 

Hatter closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of his Alice wrapped around him. This was all he’d ever wanted and it seemed incredibly unfair that he couldn’t keep it.

“I don’t want to control you,” he said softly. “I don’t want to own you. I just want to be with you. That’s all I’ve wanted since the day you fell into my life.”

“Oh, Hatter.” There were tears in Alice’s voice. “I’m sorry. I know I’m not an easy person. I can guarantee you this won’t be the last time I screw things up.”

And now Hatter turned, his hands on Alice’s arms to keep some space between them. There were tears running down her cheeks, but she gave him a wavery smile.

“What? You’re not…you still want to be with me?”

Alice frowned. “Isn’t that supposed to be my line? I’m the one with the abandonment stuff.”

“Alice…” Hatter was cut off when Alice pressed her lips to his, pulling him into a frantic kiss. His hands moved up her arms and into her hair, and he closed the space between them with one step. Alice clung to his neck, and her kisses tasted of tears.

“Keep loving me Hatter,” Alice begged. “Even when you think I don’t want you to.”

“I promise,” Hatter murmured. “There’s no way I could stop loving you, Alice.”

The kisses became less desperate and more passionate, until Hatter scooped Alice up in his arms and carried her off to the bedroom. He would love her in every possible way, show her with words and actions what she meant to him. And maybe she would stay the night with him, and let him hold her in the dark when the loneliness was the worst.

*o*o*o*

Night had fallen, and Hatter had only let Alice out of bed long enough for them both to get something to eat. They had made love fiercely, and tenderly, and every way in between. Hatter was relaxed and sleepy, Alice tucked up against his side. Everything was right in his world again.

“Hatter?”

“Yes, love?”

“Will you help me tomorrow?”

Hatter pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Yeah. What do you need?”

“I need help packing my things and moving them over here.”

Hatter went still, the hand that was stroking Alice’s hair freezing in place. “You sure? You don’t have to.”

Alice reached up to cup his cheek in her hand. “I know I don’t have to. And that’s the point. It’s my decision, and this is what I want. To be with you like this every night.”

“As long as you’re sure,” Hatter said, trying to sound nonchalant. Inside, his heart was racing and his eyes were suddenly wet. He blinked back his tears, grinning instead. “I love you so much, my Alice.”

“I love you too, Hatter. Please remember that, even when I’m being awful.”

“I’ll not forget it again,” he said.


	46. Figured You Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** This fic contains violence, strong language and sexual situations.

  
**Figured You Out,** by Nickelback

_I like your pants around your feet_  
 _And I like the dirt that's on your knees_  
 _And I like the way you still say please_  
 _While you're looking up at me_  
 _You're like my favorite damn disease_

_And I love the places that we go_   
_And I love the people that you know_   
_And I love the way you can't say no_   
_Too many long lines in a row_   
_I love the powder on your nose_

_And now I know who you are_   
_It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out_   
_(Now I did, you wonder why)_   
_And now I know who you are_   
_It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out_   
_(Now I did, you wonder why)_

_And I love the way you pass the check_   
_And I love the good times that you wreck_   
_(Good times that you wreck)_   
_And I love your lack of self-respect_   
_While you're passed out on the deck_   
_I love my hands around your neck_

_And I hate the places that we go_   
_And I hate the people that you know_   
_And I hate the way you can't say no_   
_Too many long lines in a row_   
_I hate the powder on your nose_   


* * *

March watched Calliope schmoozing with the other ladies of the Court. Her full, curvy body was packed into a black slip of a dress, leaving little to the imagination. Not that March needed to use his imagination; he’d seen every part of Calliope, tasted her, buried himself in her time and again. 

Amongst the other refined ladies of the Queen’s Court, Calliope alone was unafraid of him. She was a lesser Spade, no-one of any real standing or influence, but she could mingle effectively with those that had what she did not. And March was always looking for more power, more contacts, more people who would tell him secrets. Still, he could only take so much of this polite mingling. The Royals had little else to do with their time, but March was not content to make polite conversation.

He caught Calliope’s eye from across the room, and with one slight tilt of his head had her hurrying over. Her long, wavy hair – so black it was almost blue – swirled at the middle of her back with her quick steps.

“March?” Calliope looked up at him with her luminous brown eyes, her hands already stroking up and down his arms. March studied her and found that he had become bored. She was always so acquiescent, always ready to do whatever he said. It was becoming tiresome. And suspicious. Time to test a theory.

“I want you,” he said. “Now.”

Calliope grinned, her plump lips gleaming with paint. “My rooms?”

“No.” March grabbed her by the arms and spun her around so that her back was pressed against the wall. She gave a startled squeak and her eyes widened momentarily in alarm, but when March slid his hand up under her dress and forced her legs apart, she relaxed and opened up to him.

March frowned. It was as he’d suspected, then. Calliope was the Queen’s. The old cow was playing him, giving him a woman who would satisfy his every need and follow his every command. No proper member of the Court would allow themselves to be groped in public.

Growling in anger, March kept one hand between her legs and used the other to rip her dress down the front. Calliope’s full breasts were exposed, the nipples already hardening in response to the air and to his touch. There were gasps and murmurs from behind him, but he knew no-one would dare to interfere. He was the Queen’s assassin, and therefore untouchable.

“Oh, March…” Calliope moaned, arching against him. March shoved three fingers up inside her wet opening and stroked her clit with his thumb. She came almost instantly, bucking against him and saying his name over and over.

“They’re all watching you,” March murmured in her ear. “You’re the Assassin’s whore.”

“Let them watch,” Calliope groaned. She captured March’s mouth in a bruising kiss, biting his lip before her hand moved down to undo his trousers. “Then they’ll all know what a good fuck you are.”

March tore the rest of the dress off and let it flutter to the floor. There were agitated sounds coming from the others in the room, but March paid them no mind. In fact, he altered their position enough so that he could see himself and the rest of the Court in one of the large oval mirrors that hung on the wall. There were many horrified, red faces. But March could see some of the men, and some of the women as well, were turned on. And he grinned at their reflections as Calliope slid his trousers off.

“Down,” March demanded. Calliope instantly went on her knees, stroking his throbbing cock before taking it into her mouth. He hissed as she used her teeth on him, fisting one hand into her hair and setting the pace he wanted. He knew she could get him off, and swallow every drop, but that wasn’t what he needed, not this time.

March pulled Calliope up by her hair. She pressed herself against him, grinding, and he bit her neck so that her blood ran wet and red down her heaving breasts.

“Fuck me, March. Please.” Calliope pressed wet kisses to his face and struggled to push off his suit coat. He batted her hands away and pulled her backwards with him until he was sitting on a red-velvet bench and she was straddling him. March sheathed himself in her, and she was tight and wet as she always was. 

Calliope rode him at a frantic pace, her hands clutching his shoulders. She arched backwards, thrusting her breasts in his face. March put his hand on one, tugging painfully hard on the nipple, and the other he took in his mouth. He tasted her blood again, and he knew he was close.

“You’re the Queen’s whore, aren’t you? Hers before mine.” March rasped. Calliope had no response, just her moans and whimpers. He flipped their positions on the bench so that she was lying down and he loomed over her. He put his hands around her throat, squeezing even as her pussy tightened around his cock.

March continued to pound into her, even when her hands stopped clutching his shoulders and started scrabbling at his tightening grip around her neck. Even when her face turned red and her tongue protruded from her whore’s mouth. And when the light began to fade from her eyes March emptied himself inside her, the orgasm more powerful than any other he had ever had.

When the buzzing in his ears had diminished, March pulled himself out and cleaned himself off with what was left of Calliope’s dress; he carelessly tossed it on her body when he was done. He could hear some weeping now from elsewhere in the room, and hushed words that sounded shocked and angry. He ignored them, instead casually pulling his trousers back on and smoothing down his hair until he looked presentable once again.

March finally turned, looking dispassionately at the assembled gentry. Most looked terrified, but he made note of the others, those who looked hungry. He spared no glance for the body of his former lover.

“Let the Queen know I can find my own diversions. She need not send another.” March waited, wanting to be sure they got the message, and then he turned and left. He knew it was only a matter of time before someone else sought him out, probably someone who had seen what he was capable of and wanted to play with fire. He could be patient.  
Until then, March though he might just slip back to Shagtown. Already he felt his need growing, and a few whores wouldn’t be missed. He grinned in anticipation, and it was fearsome.


	47. Marry  Me

  
**Marry Me,** by Train

  
_Forever can never be long enough for me_   
_Feel like I've had long enough with you_   
_Forget the world now, we won't let them see_   
_But there's one thing left to do_

_Now that the weight has lifted_  
 _Love has surely shifted my way_

_Marry me today and every day_  
 _Marry me if I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe_  
 _Say you will, say you will_

_Together can never be close enough for me_  
 _Feel like I am close enough to you_  
 _You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you_  
 _And you're beautiful_

_Now that the wait is over_  
 _And love has finally shown her my way_

_Promise me you'll always be happy by my side_  
 _I promise to sing to you when all the music dies_

* * *

Alice talked Hatter into attending one of her mother’s charity functions, one of the formal dinners just so she’d have a reason to get all dressed up. Hatter had been reluctant, until she’d shown him what she intended to wear; funny how quickly he’d agreed after that.

The dress was long and slinky, a shimmery periwinkle blue cut low in the back. Alice even went out and had her hair done in long, loose curls. She’d barely been able to keep Hatter, who looked resplendent in a tuxedo, from having his way with her once she’d gotten dressed.

“You look good enough to eat, love,” Hatter had murmured in her ear. And despite the shivers that had sent up her spine, Alice insisted on hurrying them out the door.

Dinner was delicious; somehow Carol had sweet-talked one of New York’s premier chefs into catering the dinner for an almost non-existent fee. They’d managed to get seated at the same table as the Lieutenant Governor, which Alice assured Hatter was a big deal. Hatter asked some questions about the running of the local government, which kept the conversation flowing.

A band began to play after dinner was over and Hatter got up at once, holding his hand out. “Dance with me, love.”

Alice willingly joined him, laughing as he twirled her around before enfolding her in his arms. His fingers danced lightly over her bare back. 

“I can’t wait to get you home,” Hatter said with a slow grin.

“Wait till you see the new panties.” Alice waggled her eyebrows. Hatter growled in response and dipped her, leaning in for a kiss. They danced that dance and another, before heading back to their table for dessert. 

“I’ve got to get some tea,” Hatter said. He dropped a kiss on the top of Alice’s head and disappeared. While he was gone Carol stopped by the table to make sure everyone was having a good time, and to thank them for their support.

“You look lovely,” she told Alice. “Where’s David?”

“Looking for some tea.”

“Come find me before you two leave, okay?” Carol gave her a quick hug and then moved on to the next table.

Alice was half done with her crème brûlée when Hatter returned with a little pot of tea, a cup and a wide grin. “Here we are now.”

“I’m glad you found some,” Alice said. “God forbid you have to drink coffee.”

“Bite your tongue, woman.” Hatter gave her a mock glare and went about fixing his tea. 

They chatted a bit while they finished their dessert, and then Hatter pulled Alice up for another dance. She loved dancing with him. It wasn’t just the way he held her close, but he was an excellent dancer. He spun her and dipped her and twirled her until she was dizzy. And then, before the next song came up, the lead singer of the band made an announcement.

“This next song was requested by David Hatter for his special girl, Alice.”

Alice looked at Hatter, amused. When the band began to play, she wasn’t familiar with the song. Clearly Hatter was, though, because he started singing to her.

“Forever can never be long enough for me. Feel like I've had long enough with you. Forget the world now, we won't let them see. But there's one thing left to do.”

Alice smiled. Hatter almost never sang – the boy couldn’t hold a tune in a bucket – but his soft singing now was incredibly sweet. And knowing he’d picked the song especially for her made the words that much more special.

“Now that the weight has lifted, love has surely shifted my way.”

“Oh, Hatter,” Alice sighed. She attempted to rest her head on his shoulder, but he cupped her cheek with one hand and looked her in the eye.

“Marry me today and every day. Marry me if I ever get the nerve to say hello in this café. Say you will, say you will.”

Alice’s breath caught in her throat. Hatter’s eyes were filled with so much emotion; the intensity of it was palpable. He dropped to one knee right there in the middle of the dance floor and suddenly everything seemed to be suspended – the noise, the dancing, even Alice’s own heartbeat.

“Marry me, Alice.” Hatter produced a ring from his tuxedo jacket, a gorgeous sapphire on a gold band. “Be with me for always, my pretty girl in a blue dress.”

Everything began to waver as Alice’s eyes filled with tears. She was only vaguely aware that everyone else in the room was now circled around them, including her mother and the Lieutenant Governor. All she could think of was how she’d had to talk Hatter into coming and he’d clearly had this in mind all along. But her eyes never left that sparkling ring, not even to take note of the fear and hope on Hatter’s face.

“Alice?” Hatter’s worried voice broke through her haze and she blinked the tears from her eyes. She carelessly dropped to her knees, heedless of the new dress, and took the ring from Hatter with a trembling hand. It was beautiful, and so perfect. She held it out to him.

“Will you put it on my finger?” she asked him. “Will you be with me forever too?”

Hatter took the ring, dimple flashing with his brilliant smile, and slipped it on Alice’s finger. They kissed then, to thunderous applause and a wedding riff from the band. Hatter helped Alice up off the floor and pulled her close as the band began another song. Afterwards there would be congratulations and a tearful Carol to deal with. But for right now, Alice stayed in the loving circle of Hatter’s arms and she knew he was right. This was forever.


	48. The Only Exception

  
**The Only Exception,** by Paramore

  
_When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry_   
_And curse at the wind_   
_He broke his own heart and I watched_   
_As he tried to reassemble it_

_And my momma swore that_   
_She would never let herself forget_   
_And that was the day that I promised_   
_I'd never sing of love if it does not exist_

_Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul_   
_That love never lasts_   
_And we've got to find other ways to make it alone_   
_Or keep a straight face_

_And I've always lived like this_   
_Keeping a comfortable distance_   
_And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness_   
_Because none of it was ever worth the risk_

_I've got a tight grip on reality_   
_But I can't let go of what's in front of me here_   
_I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up_   
_Leave me with some kind of proof, it's not a dream, oh_

_You are the only exception_   
_You are the only exception_   
_You are the only exception_   
_You are the only exception_

_And I'm on my way to believing_   
_Oh, and I'm on my way to believing_   


* * *

Alice walked along the beach, Hatter trailing behind, looking for any sign of Charlie. The crash landing in the lake had done nothing to improve her mood. It hadn’t helped to take the sting of Jack’s words away, or make her forget what he’d done. Every time she thought things couldn’t get worse, they did.

“We’re sitting ducks on this beach,” Hatter said. “Where’s the ring?”

Oh, she was so sick and tired of the damned ring! “Safe.”

“Where?” Hatter asked, but Alice refused to answer that. She couldn’t tell him, couldn’t give him a reason to do to her what Jack had done.

“You still don’t trust me, after I just…I risked my neck getting you out of there!” He sounded angry.

“Why did you risk your neck?” Alice asked. She knew how she sounded, but she really wanted to know. She wanted there to be some other reason than the damn ring, or the resistance. She didn’t want to be disappointed. Again.

“Unbelievable! Why are you being so ungrateful?”

“Look, I don’t blame you,” Alice said. “Your people need you and the ring may make all the difference.”

“Is that why you think I did this? So I could get my hands on the ring.” 

Alice could hear the hurt in his voice. If only she could be certain it was true. Which Hatter was with her now? The slick Tea Salesman, or the man who risked his life for her?

“Look, I respect that. It shows that you’re a man of integrity after all, but first I need to use it to get my father out.” It was non-negotiable and he needed to know that. Her father was her main priority now. Hatter looked confused.

“Your father?”

“He’s here.” And Alice couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice, not after all these years of waiting and searching.

“I don’t understand.”

“Jack slipped me his watch.” Alice pulled it out of her pocket, and turned it over to read the inscription on the back. “RH. Robert Hamilton. I remember this watch. I mean, it’s his for sure. Look, it’s stuck on the exact date and time that he disappeared. Look. March 23rd. He’s in the Casino somewhere.”

She could barely wrap her head around it. Her father, here in Wonderland. And she was the closest she’d ever been to him in all the time since he’d disappeared. She wanted Hatter to share her happiness, but he seemed angry instead.

“He’s lying.”

Alice frowned and turned away, walking up the beach again. But she found she couldn’t stop talking, couldn’t stop trying to make Hatter understand.

“You know, Jack took a big risk slipping this to me.”

“And you believe him,” Hatter said flatly.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Alice asked, then mentally kicked herself.

“Because he’s lied to you about everything!”

“He had his reasons.” Alice knew she was being stubborn. She didn’t really know Jack’s reasons for doing anything. But she had to believe there was something larger at work, some reason for him to have treated her the way he did.

“I’m stunned.” Hatter slapped his had against his leg. “Why are you even defending him?”

“Because he’s trying to help me!” Wasn’t he? Why else give her the watch?

“Really? Well, let’s just think about that.” Hatter grabbed her arm, stopped her. His expression was so serious, so intense. “He took the ring from his mother. He gave it to you. Why? It made you a target, Alice!”

While Alice was gratified that Hatter was obviously concerned about her safety, she couldn’t stop her mouth from moving.

“Well he wasn’t expecting me to follow him,” Alice argued. “I screwed up bringing the ring here.”

“And he blames you for that.”

“No!” Alice turned away again. “No exactly.”

“You still love him,” Hatter accused.

“I never loved him!” Alice screamed, turning round to face him again. 

Hatter stopped short and looked at her, his head tilted. Where Alice would have expected to see anger there was only kindness and sympathy. Those deep brown eyes seemed to bore into her, and she was tired of holding back.

“There was never any love between us,” she said softly. And though she’d always known it, saying it out loud made her sad. Because it meant she was alone again, no matter how much she had tried to pretend otherwise.

“Jack’s an idiot, then,” Hatter said. “For not realizing what he had.”

Alice felt her eyes fill with tears. She’d gotten so used to men disappointing her. But not Hatter. Despite everything she’d put him through since she’d walked into his Tea Shop, he was still here, still trying to help her. He continually put himself in harm’s way for her without asking anything in return. In all the years since her father had disappeared, Hatter was the only man that Alice had found herself able to rely on.

“Hatter, I…” Alice didn’t know what to say. “You…the ring is at Charlie’s camp.”

“What?” Hatter looked surprised.

“On the Red King’s finger.” Alice looked down at her own hands, as if the ring might have somehow reappeared there when she wasn’t looking.

“Thank you, Alice,” Hatter said. He smiled at her, one of his big grins that popped out his dimple. “Thanks for trusting me.”

“Thanks for saving me,” Alice whispered, still looking down. She followed Hatter’s boots as he closed the distance between them. He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up so that she was looking at him again.

“I’ll always be there to save you,” he said. She could read the truth of it in his eyes.

“Why?” 

“Because you’re worth saving.” Hatter tilted her head back a bit farther, then leaned in to press his lips against hers. Alice closed her eyes, fear and yearning warring for dominance. And then there was nothing but Hatter; the warmth of his mouth on hers washed everything else away and she melted into him. Hatter wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

“I won’t let Jack or anyone else hurt you, Alice,” he murmured in her ear. “Now let’s find Charlie, yeah? And get off this beach before we’re spotted.”

“What’ll we do?” Alice asked. Hatter started walking up the beach again, only now he held her hand tightly in his own. 

“We’ll make a plan, and we’ll get you home.” Hatter lifted their joined hands and kissed the back of hers. “I promise.”

“I believe you.” And Alice was shocked, because she _did_ believe Hatter. They were a team again, and the relief she felt at that was overwhelming. A smile spread across her face and she was helpless to stop it.

Maybe her luck was finally changing.


	49. Daughters

  
**Daughters,** by John Mayer

  
_I know a girl_   
_She puts the color inside of my world_   
_But she's just like a maze_   
_Where all of the walls all continually change_

_And I've done all I can_   
_To stand on the steps with my heart in my hand_   
_Now I'm starting to see_   
_Maybe it's got nothing to do with me_

_Fathers be good to your daughters_   
_Daughters will love like you do_   
_Girls become lovers who turn into mothers_   
_So mothers be good to your daughters too_

_Ohh, you see that skin_   
_It's the same she's been standing in_   
_Since the day she saw him walking away_   
_Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made_

_Boys you can break_   
_You find out how much they can take_   
_Boys will be strong and boys soldier on_   
_But boys would be gone without warmth from_   
_A woman's good, good heart_   


* * *

There were so many things running through Robert’s mind in that moment that his head was actually throbbing. The last ten years of his life had been a lie, a twisted version of reality that had kept him from realizing all that had been taken from him. The worst of it was staring him in the face right now. 

His little girl, a woman now, was holding a gun in her hands and facing him down despite the armed Suits at his back. He was terrified for her and proud of her at the same time. It was hard to reconcile the sweet little girl in patent leather shoes with the angry woman in front of him, her gaze hard and unflinching. He didn’t know how she’d gotten mixed up in all of this or how she’d come to Wonderland at all. At the moment, it didn’t really matter. He just needed to make her understand that he saw her, he _knew_ her.

“Put the gun down,” Robert said. He walked toward Alice slowly, trying to show he wasn’t a threat to her. He was peripherally aware of her friend in the hat, who had a gun trained on him as well.

“You stay right there,” Alice said.

“It’s me, Alice. It’s your father.”

“You don’t remember me,” Alice said, her lips starting to tremble.

Robert felt her sadness like a physical blow. He hadn’t seen his little girl in ten years and he was making her cry. He remembered how she’d tried to wake him up out on the rooftop, before the Suits came. She’d cried then, too, sounding more like the girl he remembered.

“You don’t remember anything.” 

“No, I do. Thanks to you, I remember everything.” Robert put a hand to the watch, which was still wrapped around his wrist. He didn’t know why he’d left it on, but now it was his only physical link to the man he used to be.

“I don’t believe you. This is just another trick.”

Robert kept a wary eye on the gun, which was shaking now in Alice’s hands. He struggled for something to say, some way to get her to see that he _did_ remember her. That he remembered everything.

“Do you see this guy?” she called out to the Oysters. Robert winced; the despair in her voice was so very clear. “He’s the one who brought you here. He hooked you up, and when he’s done with you…when he’s done with you he’ll get rid of you. Isn’t that right? Daddy, isn’t that right?!”

Alice was screaming now, her eyes wet with tears. Robert flinched back from the pain in her voice, and from the shame of her words. It was true. It was all true. Every wrong act he’d committed in the last ten years pulsed brightly in his mind. He hadn’t been himself, but that wasn’t much of an excuse. How many deaths were on his hands? How many lives, including his own, had been ruined?

And then it came to him.

“It was a Sunday,” Robert said. “And…we’d just come back from the movies. And you were wearing your yellow dress and those black shoes that always hurt your feet. And…Carol…met us in the driveway and told us Dinah had been hit by a car.”

The memory of that day was so clear, as if it had happened only yesterday. It was one of the things Alice had tried to get him to remember on the rooftop. She’d been in a lot of pain that day as well, and he’d been able to comfort her. Who’d been there for her these last ten years, he wondered. Had Carol held her when she cried? Had a new man come into her life, assuming the role that had been his?

“And you ran into the yard and hid, and I came and found you, and held you for hours while you wept. I should have known you the moment I saw you. I’ve been a fool, Alice. I’ve missed so much…wasted so much time. Please forgive me.”

Alice lowered the gun, sobbing. She came to Robert and he folded her into his arms. She felt so different there now, much taller and more womanly, but he held her tightly. He’d missed out on half her life, and had his own tears to shed.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. He rocked her slowly, turning in a circle where they stood in the middle of the Game Room. Too late, he glanced at the door and saw that Walrus had come in, clutching his belly with one bloody hand while the other aimed a gun right at Alice.

“No!” Robert yelled. He turned Alice, trying to shield her with his own body. There was a flash as her friend ran from across the room. Multiple gunshots filled the air, the Oysters were screaming, but even that tremendous amount of noise didn’t keep him from hearing Alice suck in a hiss of breath as she stiffened in his arms. He opened his mouth, but the name he was going to say came from behind him.

“Alice!” 

Before Robert could get a handle on the situation, the young man in the hat was there pulling Alice from his arms and gently easing her to the floor. Robert looked around, bewildered, and saw that Walrus was dead. The Oysters had been released and everyone was fleeing the Game Room. Everything was shaking and groaning, the whole Casino was coming undone, and his daughter was bleeding on the floor.

“Jellybean!” Robert dropped to the floor beside her, but her eyes were on her friend.

“Hatter…” she groaned. Robert looked over at the boy, startled. Alice was running around Wonderland with Hatter? The Queen’s top Tea Salesman? The father in him immediately went on the defensive, until he saw how carefully the boy was treating Alice, and the affection in his eyes as he looked at her.

“Bet you wish you had some body armor now,” Hatter quipped. He eased Alice out of the coat to get a better look at her shoulder, where Walrus’ bullet had caught her. “It’s gone all the way through, Alice. That’s a good thing.”

“Ow,” Alice muttered. “That really hurts.”

The shaking was getting worse and chunks of the ceiling began to fall. This wasn’t good. He needed to get Alice out of there before the whole damn thing caved in.

“Hatter,” Robert said. “We have to go.”

“I know.” The boy shot him a look fraught with anxiety, and handed him the gun he’d been using. “We may need that yet.”

Robert held the gun awkwardly. He’d never used a firearm before, aside from defending himself from Walrus earlier. He glanced back over at his one-time friend. Another lie.

“Alice, love, this is going to hurt.” Hatter tore an arm off the purple coat and wrapped it around Alice’s shoulder; she bit her lip and closed her eyes, but said nothing. But when Hatter knotted his tie tightly over it to keep it in place she visibly paled and let out with a whimper. Her pain was echoed on Hatter’s face.

And clearly that had been a lie as well, Robert thought. The Hatter he knew, the one the other technicians gossiped about, was nothing like the boy in front of him now. Robert wondered if anything about life in Wonderland was real, or if everything was a false front.

“Hold on to me,” Hatter said. He lifted Alice up and she clung to him with her good arm. “You first, Carpenter. Keep the gun handy.”

Robert spared them a quick look. Alice had her head cradled in the hollow of Hatter’s shoulder, and despite her injury she was actually smiling. He wondered just what had happened between the two of them, and then decided that some things were better left unknown. He had a lot of time to make up for with Alice, but he knew he had to tread lightly; he hadn’t been her father for the last ten years and he was certain she wouldn’t welcome him in that capacity now.

“This way. Quickly.” Carpenter led them out of the Game Room, and through the maze of corridors that would take them outside. People were already streaming for the exits – Diamonds, Suits, Oysters. No-one tried to stop them. They kept going until they reached a clearing well away from the Casino. Robert stood by, awestruck, as the whole structure collapsed in a great gout of dust and flame.

“Easy now,” Hatter said. Robert turned around to see him sitting Alice on a tree stump. Her face was beaded with sweat, as was the boy’s.

“We need to get her medical attention,” Robert said worriedly. Hatter stared at him.

“Aren’t you a doctor?”

“No. I’m a scientist.” Robert found himself gesturing with the gun and hastily handed it back to Hatter. “I could help her, but I have no supplies. No equipment. We need to get her to the Hospital of Dreams.”

“Daddy,” Alice said, looking up at him. “I can’t believe you’re really here.”

Robert knelt down in front of her and pulled her into a gentle hug. He kissed her forehead, brushing her hair back.

“I won’t leave you again, Jellybean. I promise.”

“Hatter,” Alice said. “This is my dad. Robert Hamilton. Dad, this is Hatter. He’s saved my life probably twenty times since I’ve been here.”

Robert got to his feet and held out his hand. After a moment, Hatter took it. “Thank you, Hatter. Thank you for protecting my daughter.”

“Well, she saved my life a time or two as well. Yeah?” Hatter looked down at Alice and it was plain to see how much he cared for her.

There was more that Robert would have said, but the clearing was suddenly full of Suits, all of them surrounding the Queen of Hearts. Hatter immediately went on the defensive, though Robert’s knee-jerk reaction was one of fear and paralysis.

“There! She’s there! Get her!” The Queen pointed at Alice, and Robert found himself able to move after all. He and Hatter stepped in front of Alice like a human shield. The Oysters closed ranks as well.

“Touch the lady and I’ll shuffle your deck,” said an Oyster in a cop’s uniform. Robert thought of how he’d treated them, like cattle, and found he couldn’t look any of them in the eye.

“Don’t just stand there, you idiots. Arrest her!” the Queen commanded. 

“Hatter, help me.” Alice held out her hand and Hatter helped her up. He supported her as she stepped out from behind the safety of the Oysters, and Robert was surprised at the anger and determination that was on her face. What was she doing?

“Take a good look at your Queen first. Make sure she’s really worth fighting for.”

Robert stared at his daughter. In that moment she was a complete and utter stranger to him, a woman from another world.

“How dare you look at me!” The Queen, her hair a mess and her face streaked with soot, looked outraged. “She’s the one you should be looking at!”

“I am not the problem. You are.” Alice shook Hatter off and strode forward, going practically toe to toe with the Queen.

“Off with her head!”

“It looks like everyone is waking up to that.”

“Don’t listen to her,” the Queen insisted. “She’s just an insolent girl!”

“No-one is frightened of you anymore! You’re just one of us now.”

Hatter looked over his shoulder, a quick glance, but Robert could see the pride in his eyes. He felt it, too. Whatever the intervening years had been like for Alice, she’d emerged strong and fearless.

“Look around,” Alice said. “No-one is listening. Your power is gone.”

The Prince of Hearts suddenly appeared on the scene, pulling Duchess behind him. Robert saw the way that Hatter tensed up at the sight of him, saw the way he pressed himself close to Alice’s side, and wondered if Jack was a threat as well.

“Jack, thank heavens you’re here,” the Queen said. “Get everyone to fall in line.”

“Me?” Jack laughed. “Didn’t you sentence me to death?”

“Oh, don’t be so sensitive. I was just doing my job.”

Robert could well believe that. The Queen was not known to have any loyalty, to her husband or her son or anyone else. He was well aware that every second of the last ten years had been lived on borrowed time, and if at any moment he’d failed to get the job done he’d have lost his own head.

“Come on now and rally the troops,” the Queen demanded.

“No,” Jack said. “Mother, it’s over.”

Alice held out her hand to the Queen, palm up. She winced only slightly at the tug in her injured shoulder. “The ring.”

“Are you mad? I’d sooner have you cut of my finger,” was the Queen’s angry retort. Alice stood her ground.

“That can be arranged.”

Hatter took his cue, turning to the Ten of Clubs. “Do you have a knife?”

The Club handed Hatter a switchblade, which he took with him as he moved around Alice’s other side to where Jack was standing. As he moved past, the Prince put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Make sure it’s a clean cut,” Jack said. “We don’t want any blood on the ring.”

Hatter merely nodded and stood before the Queen, flicking open the blade and raising his eyebrows in silent challenge. Robert could not believe the events that were unfolding right before his eyes. His little girl was taking down the Queen of Hearts, who had ruled Wonderland with an iron fist for decades.

The Queen relinquished the ring to Alice and she held it aloft in one trembling hand while the Oysters cheered. As the Queen was being led away, Alice slumped against Hatter. Robert hurried to her side.

“We need to get my daughter to the Hospital of Dreams,” he said to Jack. 

“Yes. Of course.” Jack made arrangements with the Ten of Clubs to have a Scarab come and take them to the Hospital.

Hatter sat on the stump, cradling Alice in his lap. “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you dethroned the Queen.”

“I had to make things right,” Alice said. She looked at Robert and smiled. “For everyone.”

Robert watched his daughter snuggled up to Hatter, looking tired but content. His life was going to change again, he knew. He would have to decide what to do – should he go home and try to start his life over, or stay in Wonderland and try to rectify all that he’d helped put wrong? He would talk to Alice about it, once she was feeling better. He’d find out what her plans were, though he had a strong feeling they would include Hatter.

As if sensing his uncertainty, Alice held out her hand. Robert grasped it in his own, and for the first time in ten years he really and truly felt himself again. He was a father again, and hadn’t realized until now just how big a hole that missing piece had left in his life.

The three of them stayed there, a calm oasis in the midst of much Oyster revelry and royal court chaos, until the Scarab came.


	50. Mama, I'm Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to the previous chapter, Daughters.

  
**Mama, I’m Comin’ Home,** by Ozzy Osbourne

  
_Times have changed and times are strange_   
_Here I come but I ain't the same_   
_Mama, I'm comin on your face_   
_Times go by, seems to be_   
_You could have been a better lover to me_   
_Mama, I'm comin on your face_

_You took me in and you drove me out_   
_Yeah, you had me hypnotized, yeah_   
_Lost and found and turned around_   
_By the fire in your eyes_

_You made me cry, you told me lies_   
_But I can't stand to say goodbye_   
_Mama, I'm comin home_   
_I could be right, I could be wrong_   
_It hurts so bad it's been so long_   
_Mama, I'm comin home_

_I've seen your face a hundred times_   
_Everyday we've been apart_   
_I don't care about the sunshine, yeah_   
_'Cause mama, mama, I'm comin home_   
_I'm comin home_   
_I'm comin home_   


* * *

Robert sat on the couch in Jack’s old apartment, which was now Hatter’s. It felt so strange, being back. The city looked so strange and foreign to him now, the cars too fast and too loud. Alice had told him that they’d sold the old house, and he felt the loss keenly. The guilt as well. Carol had loved that house and it was his fault, his absence, that forced her to sell it.

“Here you go, Car…I mean, Robert.” Hatter came in with two mugs of tea, one of which he handed to Robert. 

“Thanks.” He held the mug in his hand, enjoying the warmth that seeped into his hands. He was thankful for Hatter, as well. The boy had taken care of his daughter, saved her life, and now he was helping Robert as well.

“I’m sorry,” Robert said. He looked over at Hatter, who was sitting in a wingback chair. “About the arm.”

Hatter grinned, and raised one shoulder in a lopsided shrug. “Worked out okay. Saved my life a few times, yeah? Alice’s too.”

Robert didn’t know what to say to that, so he nodded and took a sip of the tea. He remembered when Hatter had come in to the lab to get the enhancement the Queen had ordered. He’d been so young, and the pain Robert had put him through had been excruciating. And he hadn’t cared. It was just another job, and Hatter was nothing to him. He owed the boy so much more than he could repay.

“She’s been gone a long time,” Hatter muttered. 

Alice had gone ahead to talk to Carol, to try and prepare her for the sight of the husband she’d thought had died ten years ago. Robert knew that was going to be hard sell. Carol had many wonderful qualities, but an overabundance of imagination wasn’t one of them; she had always been firmly grounded in reality, and convincing her that Wonderland was a real place and that her husband had been held captive there for ten years was going to be extremely hard for her to swallow.

“There’s so much noise here,” Hatter remarked.

“I’d forgotten that,” Robert said. “I’ve forgotten a lot of things.”

He never thought he’d feel so ill at ease in his own world. He’d been in Wonderland too long, gotten too used to its rhythms and rules. Everything here felt just slightly askew, slightly off balance. It made him jittery.

When the phone finally rang, Hatter pounced on it. “Alice? How…okay. Okay. Yeah. As soon as we can.”

“Is she ready for us?” Robert asked.

“She says if we don’t come soon her mum’s going to have her committed.”

Robert laughed nervously. He fished the directions that Alice had given him out of the pocket of his borrowed pants. The new place was in walking distance, she’d said. He hoped he could find it without getting turned around, or lost altogether. Hatter must’ve seen the worry on his face, because he plucked the paper from his fingers and gave it a once over.

“I’ve a way with directions,” he said. “Let’s get you home.”

*o*o*o*

Robert shifted nervously from foot to foot outside the door. Finding the building had been no problem after all, and now all they had to do was wait. Alice flung the door open, and though she’d clearly been crying she had a wide smile for Hatter and practically threw herself at him before he could even take one step inside.

“I missed you!” She peppered his face with kisses. 

“It’s only been an hour, love,” Hatter replied. But he hugged her tightly to him and returned her kisses. Robert averted his eyes, anxiety giving way to amusement for just a moment. And then Alice was pulling them both into the apartment.

It was a large space, tastefully decorated, but Robert’s eyes passed over everything, drawn at once to the woman who stood wringing her hands across the room in the living area. It had been ten years, but Carol still looked the same. Still looked as beautiful as he remembered.

A hundred memories flooded Robert’s mind as he stood there staring at his wife. Their first date. How she’d craved burritos when she was pregnant with Alice. The way she’d made sure he spent as much time at home as he did at work. The sound of her laugh.

“I wasn’t lying, Mom,” Alice said. She moved to stand between them. “I wasn’t delusional. Everything I told you was true.”

Hatter put his hand on Robert’s shoulder and gave him a little push. Robert stumbled forward a step before freezing in place again. Carol just stood there, her lips parted as if she might say something. But nothing came out. Robert tried to think of something to say, some way of breaking the ice, but his mind was a blank.

“Mom, this is Hatter.” Alice held out her hand and Hatter took it, letting her draw him to her side. “He saved my life. A lot.”

Carol’s gaze flicked to Hatter for a brief moment and she barely acknowledged him. Alice sighed.

“Mom…”

“I had to sell your car,” Carol blurted out. “Your Plymouth. I couldn’t afford the payments and the insurance, and once we moved into the city we didn’t need it anyway.”

Alice and Hatter exchanged a look before retreating to the dining room. Robert took another step forward.

“I don’t care about the car. Carol, I…I’m sorry.”

“You should call your mother,” Carol said. Her voice was getting thick with tears, her eyes bright with them. “Your parents…they were a wreck when you disappeared. I don’t know what you can tell them. Alice explained it to me and I don’t even believe it.”

“They took me. From my study. Gave me Forget and Denial.” Robert’s memories from those first days were hazy at best, but he knew what the procedure was. He knew it wouldn’t have taken much of either Tea to wipe his family from his mind, to make him forget his own name.

“I never would have left you, Carol. You have to believe that.”

“It was hard. When you were gone.” Carol didn’t so much sit down as she folded, sinking down on the couch. “Alice…she took it really hard. She never stopped looking for you.”

Robert looked over at his daughter, who was seemingly distracted by Hatter kissing her neck. She’d only told him a little bit about her life in the intervening years, but the endless searching was one of the things that had come up. Her ceaseless belief in him was overwhelming, wonderful, and just a bit frightening.

“If I could have come back, I would have.” Robert shifted from foot to foot. “I know it’s been ten years. I know I’m too late, but I wanted you to know…I didn’t leave on purpose. I never wanted to be away from you, or Alice.”

“Alice says you’re going back. To that place.”

“I have to.” Robert shoved his hands in his pockets. “I did…bad things. Things I’m not proud of. Things I need to make up for. They need my help back there, Carol.”

“Why did you even come here?” Carol’s voice was starting to break. Robert took a deep breath and walked over to the couch. He sat down next to her, though he didn’t try to touch her in any way.

“I wanted you to know. I wanted…I needed to see you. To make sure you were okay.”

“You look so different,” Carol whispered. She reached out to touch Robert’s face, her fingers lightly rubbing over the stubble on his chin.

“You’re just as beautiful,” Robert said. He made a move, as if to take her in his arms, but he stopped short. He wanted to hold her, so very badly, but he didn’t know if that’s what Carol wanted. He’d never felt so awkward, not even when he’d had to get up his courage to ask her out for the first time.

“I never stopped loving you, even when I didn’t remember,” Robert murmured. “There were never any other women. Never.”

And then Carol was in his arms, sobbing into his neck. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. The tension that squeezed his chest like an iron band lessened, and tears of gratitude pricked his eyes. For the first time he thought that maybe things would be okay.

Robert didn’t know how long they sat there like that, but suddenly there were another pair of arms around him as Alice joined them. His family was back together. Later he would talk to Carol, ask her to come back to Wonderland with him while he fixed things there. Alice and Hatter had already volunteered to return, though neither one was particularly inclined to help Jack.

Looking up, Robert saw Hatter standing off to the side, watching them with a half smile on his face and longing in his eyes. This moment would not have happened without him, and Robert would never forget that.

“Hatter,” he said. “I owe you everything.”

Alice released her father and wiped her eyes on the backs of her hands. She went to Hatter and pulled him into a hug.

“You’re part of my family now, Hatter,” she said, sniffling. 

“She’s right.” Carol brushed at her own tears, then fussed a bit with her hair, obviously trying to get herself under control. She moved away from Robert, but kept her hand in his. “If everything Alice told me is true…I owe you more than my thanks.”

Carol pulled Robert up off the couch with her. She gave Hatter a one-armed hug and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Hatter was visibly moved, and hid his face in Alice’s hair.

“We have a lot to talk about,” Robert said. “But first…I haven’t had a slice of pizza in ten years. Can we get delivery here?”

Alice laughed. “Pizza sounds wonderful.”

“What’s pizza again?” Hatter asked, looked confused.

“You’ll find out in about forty minutes,” Alice promised.

Robert looked on as everyone began the very ordinary and mundane process of ordering food and setting the table. Normal life. No-one here had to worry about Suits or Tea or crazy Queens. He wondered how it would be, to come back here after he was done in Wonderland. To settle in again as a husband and father.

“Robert.” Carol offered him a tentative smile. “Maybe you’d like to…get cleaned up?”

“That would be good.”

Carol took him by the hand and led him away.

“There’s money by the door, Alice,” she called. “I’m just going to help…Daddy…get washed up.”

“Take your time,” Alice replied with a laugh. “We’ll hold down the fort.”

“What’s a fort?” Hatter asked.

Robert was still chuckling when Carol closed the bedroom door behind them.


	51. Good Morning Beautiful

  
**Good Morning Beautiful,** by Steve Holy

  
_Good morning, beautiful, how was your night?_   
_Mine was wonderful with you by my side_   
_And when I open my eyes to see your sweet face_   
_It's a good morning, beautiful day_

_I couldn't see the light, I didn't know day from night_   
_I had no reason to care_   
_Well, since you've came along, I can face the dawn_   
_'Cause I know, you'll be there_

_Good morning, beautiful, how was your night?_   
_Mine was wonderful with you by my side_   
_And when I open my eyes to see your sweet face_   
_It's a good morning, beautiful day_

_I never worry if it's raining outside_   
_'Cause in here with you, girl, the sun always shines_

_Good morning, beautiful, how was your night?_   
_Mine was wonderful with you by my side_   
_And when I open my eyes to see your sweet face_   
_It's a good morning, beautiful day_   


* * *

Hatter woke just as the sun was coming up; pale light flooded the bedroom, though shadows still huddled heavily in the corners. It was the first time since he’d been a small boy that he could greet the morning without fear or apprehension or sorrow, and he took a moment to revel in the feeling of it. 

“Mmmmm.” Beside him, Alice turned her face from the window and tucked herself against his chest. In a moment her breathing deepened and she was back asleep.

Hatter barely breathed as he looked down at her, at the dark brown hair that hid her face. He gently brushed it back and tucked it behind her ear. It was hard to believe that he wasn’t still asleep himself, though none of his dreams had ever been this amazing.

Had it been only yesterday that they’d been fighting for their lives? That the future had seemed so uncertain and full of danger? Hatter fought down the urge to clasp Alice tightly against him, to prove to himself that she was here, and unharmed. His greatest fear had been unrealized after all; he hadn’t failed to keep her safe.

“Hatter?” Alice muttered. Her arm snaked around his waist. “Time to get up?”

“Not yet, love.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Sleep a bit more, yeah?”

“M’kay,” she sighed.

Hatter wanted her to rest. She’d been through so much – they both had – and he didn’t want to have any serious discussions with her until she was ready. He wouldn’t take advantage of her mental or emotional exhaustion just to get his own way.

Tomorrow the Looking Glass would be reactivated and all of the Oysters would be going home. Hatter was going to ask Alice to stay with him, just for a little while. Just until he could see how things were going to be in Wonderland. If there was no noticeable improvement, he’d go home with Alice. Whatever they did, he wanted it to be together. He didn’t think he could survive without his Alice. 

Hatter could only assume that Alice felt the same way he did. After all, she’d come back to his flat with him once the dust had cleared at the Casino. She’d tended to his wounds, and flatly refused to let him sleep on the sofa, instead cuddling up to him as soon as they got in bed. They hadn’t needed to talk; they just enjoyed the comfort of each other’s warm body.

Alice wore one of Hatter’s shirts, the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. He thought he’d never seen a woman look so sexy in all his life. And that included Carlotta St. Delaware. He’d gotten a quick glimpse of her long, lovely legs before she’d gotten into bed, and it had been enough to make him want to see everything else. Maybe, if she stayed…

“You think too loud,” Alice complained. She blinked up at Hatter, her blue eyes still cloudy with sleep. He grinned down at her.

“Sorry,” Hatter chuckled. 

Alice’s fingertips touched the bandages on Hatter’s side, and those blue eyes quickly welled with sympathy. “How are you feeling?”

“Never better,” he answered honestly. 

“I don’t ever want to get out of this bed.” Alice stretched lazily, while Hatter watched with his mouth agape.

“Let’s not, then,” he whispered.

Alice looked at him, her mouth quirked up in a grin. Hatter’s mind began playing him a preview of coming attractions, only to have Alice sit up in bed and pull the blanket firmly around her waist.

“What are we doing here, Hatter?”

“Um…”

“What’s going to happen tomorrow? When the Looking Glass is working again.” Alice played with her hair, which was hanging over her shoulder. “I mean, I think…well, not to be presumptuous…”

She looked at him in distress, clearly having trouble finding the right words. Or maybe hoping he could say them first. Hatter swallowed past the lump in his throat. He didn’t want to screw this up; it was too important. He wished he had his hat, something to keep his hands busy.

“Alice.” He paused for a moment, enjoying the feel of her name on his tongue. It was a good name, a strong name. A name he wanted to say forever.

“Alice, I…I want you to be with me.” He winced inwardly; what if he was wrong, and she didn’t feel the same? “I’m not saying this right.”

“Hatter, we’ve had a crazy couple of days, I know. Everything is kind of confusing right now.”

“I’m not confused,” Hatter said. And suddenly, he had the words after all. “I know exactly how I feel, Alice. I know I can’t stand the thought of being away from you, not even to go inside and put the kettle on. I’ve never felt like this before, but I know…I know…I won’t ever feel like this again, not without you.”

Hatter closed his eyes, bracing himself. It was all going to change, as so much else had changed in the last few days. He didn’t know what Alice would say, but with all his heart he hoped it wouldn’t be a rejection. And in the end, she didn’t say anything at all.

Alice’s hand caressed his cheek and Hatter shuddered under her touch. He covered her hand with his own, leaning into it. When her lips brushed his, he knew for sure that he was lost. Without opening his eyes, he pulled her to him, deepening the kiss and pouring all of his need into it. Alice made a noise deep in her throat, partly a moan but mostly a sob.

“Alice?” Hatter pulled back, and saw that she was crying.

“I’m sorry.” She wiped at her eyes with the bedsheet. “It’s just…I should be feeling really bad right now, you know? I’ve lost so much here.”

He knew she was thinking about her father, and he felt guilty for not considering that her feelings would already be all over the place without putting extra pressure on her.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…” he started to move away, but Alice stopped him.

“I didn’t mean…it’s just I feel bad for not feeling bad. I know that doesn’t make sense. I lost a lot here, but I’ve gained even more.” Alice curled up in his lap and rested her head on his chest. “I want to be with you, too, Hatter.”

Hatter blinked away his own tears and held his Alice close. They stayed that way while the sun climbed higher in the sky, chasing all the shadows out of the room. There would be time for more talk later, but for now they were content just to be together.


	52. Fixed At Zero

  
**Fixed At Zero,** by VersaEmerge

  
_This doesn't make much sense_   
_Think far out but I'm still locked in_   
_I'm still lost, walking circles_   
_The floor swallowed me up_   
_There's no where to go_

_There's a vulture on my shoulder_   
_And he's telling me to give in_   
_Always hissing right in my ear_   
_Like it's coming from my own head_   
_It's got me mixed up, trying not to give up_   
_Tell me there's a way to get out of here_   
_Oh, fixed at zero_

_I've learned to talk with my fingers_   
_The only voice that wakes my ears_   
_Oh make my bones do something_   
_Ever wanna jump out your skin_   
_Anticipating til the sidewalk ends_   
_There's no where to go_

_I'm fixed at zero_   


* * *

“I know what you’re thinking, but it isn’t so no how,” one of the men in the leather jumpsuits said.

“Contrariwise, if it was so it might be, and if it were so it would be, but as it isn’t it ain’t. That’s logic.”

“I am Doctor Dee,” the first man said. “And this is my brother…”

“Doctor Dum.”

“Our job is to open you up, pull everything out.”

“Until we find the very thing we’re looking for.”

The Doctors shared a laugh that sent a chill up Alice’s spine. She looked around again for a way out but saw only swirling circles. The Doctors started talking together, perfectly in sync, and Alice couldn’t fight the heaviness that tugged at her eyelids.

“Relax. Let your mind go. Allow yourself to fall into a deep sleep.”

Alice closed her eyes, felt herself drifting off. And she was relieved, because it meant not having to think about anything that had happened. She drifted there, content.

_“This is my favorite book,” her father said, holding it out to her._ Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. _Alice flipped through it, frowning._

_“There’s not many pictures, Daddy.”_

_“The words make pictures. I’ll read it to you, and you’ll see.”_

_“Is it scary?” Alice had come to a picture of a dragon. She struggled to sound out the word beneath the illustration. “What’s a jab…jabber…”_

_“Jabberwocky,” her father said with a smile. “Some parts might be a little scary, but Alice learns some very important things on her journey.”_

_“Oh.” Alice handed the book back, feeling a bit dubious. She liked her picture books much better._

_“Did you know that you’re named after this book?” her father asked her. Alice’s eyes widened._

_“I am?”_

_“You are! Alice is a strong, brave girl. Just like you. And someday I know you’ll do amazing things too.”_

_Alice glowed under her father’s praise. “Can we read it now, Daddy?”_

_“Sure thing, Jellybean.”_

Alice remembered her father, and the watch, and her eyes snapped open. She was in her old house, and she was ten years old. Outside the windows the world swirled orange and purple, but it didn’t seem to matter. This was a dream she’d had many times.

“Dad?” she called, hesitant and afraid.

“How old are you?” a voice asked, and that didn’t seem strange.

“Ten.”

“But you’re alone. In the house. Why have you been left alone?”

“Dad’s left,” Alice said. “Mom’s asking the neighbor to take care of me. So she can look for him.”

“Did he say goodbye?” the voice wanted to know.

“No.” And the old hurt rose up in her. Her father was gone and even her mother didn’t know why. Or if they’d ever see him again.

“Why don’t you see if he’s left you something in his study,” the voice suggested. Alice glanced at the sliding doors.

“No,” she said. Her voice trembled.

“Why not?”

“Scared to go in there,” Alice said. Daddy’s study had become a frightening place, even before he had vanished from inside; it was the big mirror behind his desk that scared her the most.

_“I saw faces!” Alice cried. Her parents exchanged a look, though her mother seemed far angrier than her father._

_“You saw your own face, Alice,” her mother said again. “There’s nothing behind the mirror but a wall.”_

_“Daddy, you have to believe me!” Alice appealed to her father, who understood her so much better. But even he seemed reluctant to accept her story._

_“I know you think you saw something, Jellybean, but your mother is right. It’s just a mirror.”_

_Fat tears rolled down Alice’s cheeks. Why wouldn’t they believe her?_

_“It’s that book,” her mother said with a frown._

_“Maybe you’re right,” her father sighed._

_Alice felt her breath catch. No. No! It wasn’t because of the book! And now she was certain her mother would put it away, stop her father from reading it with her. It wasn’t fair!_

_“I hate you!” Alice cried. She turned and ran to her room. She wished she’d never seen those faces, those men in their gray suits. She took Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and shoved it under her mattress. She wouldn’t let her mother take it away._

 

“Nonsense,” the voice chided.

Alice stared at the door, then hesitantly began to move towards it. She slid the doors open just enough to let her, and a small swath of light, in. The shelves were empty and the furniture was gone, as she had feared. Her mother had cleared it all away, removed every trace of her father. The mirror was gone as well, and that was nothing but a relief. But there was something new in there, something that didn’t belong. A crib, against the far wall. Alice walked slowly forward, her shoes rapping loudly on the wooden floor.

The crib was illuminated by an unseen light, and Alice wasn’t at all surprised to see that there was a pig inside of it instead of a baby. That made sense, somehow. It reminded her of a book. The voice was joined by another, identical one.

“Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King’s horses and all the King’s men, couldn’t put Humpty together again.”

The doors to the study slammed shut and Alice gasped in the sudden darkness. She was herself again, not a ten year old girl any more; she mourned the loss of her childhood fears, which seemed so small compared to the nightmare she found herself in now. Lights came up in the room, and in the two windows were the giant-sized faces of the Doctors.

“Now it’s time for a battle,” one of them said.

“Let’s see if we can find a little lever,” the other said.

“And prize the tasty Oyster open.”

There was a cracking sound, and some of the floor boards started to fall away, revealing a black and bottomless hole. Fear burned in Alice’s chest as all the boards fell away, save the one she was standing on. She immediately dropped down, hugging it. 

“No! Please, no!” Alice watched the boards disappear from sight, and her vision wavered as the vertigo set in.

“Well now, it looks like Daddy left you with a fear of heights.”

“This isn’t happening,” Alice told herself. “It’s all in my head. It’s just a dream.”

Whenever she was having stress in her life, Alice had falling dreams. Never one quite so real as this, but terrifying nonetheless. As always, she fought against this weakness. She stood up on the last remaining floor board and held her arms out.

“It’s just a dream,” she said again. “I just have to wake up.”

_“Look, Daddy!” Alice balanced on the curb, her arms out. “Like at the circus!”_

_“You mean the tight-rope walker?”_

_“It’s easy,” she said confidently, one foot carefully placed in front of the other. She imagined her white sundress was a sparkly costume with a tutu around the middle._

_“Not so easy when you’re so far off the ground,” her father said._

_“The net catches you,” Alice said. That looked fun too, bouncing and bouncing on the big net._

_“And what if there’s no net?”_

_“Then you catch me!” Alice launched herself off the curb and into her father’s waiting arms, laughing._

 

The falling usually woke her right up, and so she took a step off into space. But as she started to fall she grabbed on the board at the last minute with both hands and hung there, swinging. The fear was too strong, as was the realization that she’d been completely wrong.

“It’s real!” She hung over oblivion, panting with fear. What the hell had she been thinking?

“Of course it’s real,” one of the Doctors said, a bit snappishly.

“But I’ll die!”

“Undoubtedly,” the other Doctor said, nodding sadly.

“Don’t you want to know where I’ve hidden the ring?” Alice asked frantically. Surely they had a reason to keep her alive. Why weren’t they asking her any questions?

“Not really. This is _much_ more fun.”

“Are you crazy?” Perhaps not the best time for that question, Alice chided herself. Would they really just let her fall? Just like that? Her heart was pounding painfully in her chest.

“Cynically insane,” a Doctor said gleefully.

The floorboard creaked and groaned and Alice was afraid it would drop too. She swung her legs up and hooked them on the board, hauling herself up and over until she was straddling it. She couldn’t take her eyes off the hole below her, and wished fervently that Hatter was here. She didn’t know what he’d do, exactly, but he’d helped her before when she was scared. Why had she snuck away? She cursed her own stupidity.

_“What’s the matter?” Hatter asked, sounding impatient._

_“I’ve got a thing about heights,” was Alice’s terse reply. “Why couldn’t you guys build this city on the ground?”_

_Alice’s heart pounded as Hatter leaned over the ledge. What if he fell? She’d never be able to move from this spot, not by herself. Oh, God, what was she going to do?_

_“Look at me.” Hatter moved back to Alice’s side. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see anything, especially not how high up she was, or how treacherously narrow this ledge was. She couldn’t seem to catch her breath._

_“Alice,” Hatter said, a bit more gently. Something in his voice made her open her eyes. She looked into his chocolate brown eyes and saw kindness there. He held out his hand. Alice hesitated only a moment, then reached out and put her hand in his; his grip was warm and solid._

_“Try not to look down,” he instructed. “Okay?”_

_Hatter began walking backwards, drawing Alice with him. She gripped his hand tightly and took several panicked breaths. She didn’t break eye contact with him, didn’t dare look anywhere but at him. For his part, Hatter took it slow and didn’t force her to go any faster than she felt she could go. She was grateful for that._

 

“She’s back up.”

“If you kill me, the Queen won’t get her ring.” Alice tried to reason with the Doctors. 

“So tell us where it is.”

“Not until you get me out of here.” Alice didn’t care where they put her, so long as the floor was solid.

“If you don’t tell us…”

“We may as well kill you.”

“Then we’ll just have to tell the Queen it was an accident.”

“It happens all the time.”

Alice didn’t know what else to do. These men clearly wanted to see her die, and nothing she said was going to change their minds.

“The board’s holding her up,” one of the Doctors snarled.

“So it is.”

“What would happen if it disappeared, I wonder?”

Alice looked down and the board started disintegrating at the end. She got up on her knees, backing away.

“Stop!”

“We’re awfully sorry, your Majesty, but the girl just _wouldn’t_ cooperate.”

“We tried everything.”

“Shrunk her down to size. Tickled her darkest fear.”

“Wait!” Alice stood and pressed her back against the window, unable to take her eyes away from the quickly disappearing board under her feet. “Please!”

“No-one to help you now.”

“You’re all alone. Always alone.”

“No,” Alice whispered. She had to fight not to close her eyes. The board continued to crumble away with alarming speed. The Doctors were right. She was all alone, trapped in this crazy world. And she’d never been more afraid.

Suddenly, from up out of the void in the floor, a hat flipped into the air and landed on the disintegrating end of the board, stopping it from crumbling further. Alice stared at it, and hope filled her heart. No. She wasn’t alone, even here in this nightmare.

“What is that?” one of the Doctors demanded.

“Who’s down there?”

Alice looked over the edge of the board, surprised to see that the formerly bottomless pit now had a bottom. It was about eight feet below her, and standing right in the middle was Hatter, looking back up at her with a big grin.

“What’s he doing here?”

“He doesn’t belong here!”

The Doctors were angry, but Alice barely heard them. She just kept looking down at Hatter, grateful he was there. It was funny to realize now how much she’d come to trust him in such a short amount of time. But while Alice was coming to a better understanding of her feelings, the Doctors were regrouping.

“He’s the Queen’s man,” one of the Doctors said.

“He’ll betray you to save his own skin,” said the other.

“No,” Alice said. But Hatter didn’t seem quite as close as he had a moment ago. 

“We’ve dealt with this one before.”

“You’re nothing to him. A commodity, to be bartered with.”

Hatter was moving further away, his face no longer smiling. The Doctors sounded so sure. Were they right? Alice felt herself wavering. How could she possibly know what was the truth? She was a stranger here. She’d known Hatter less than a day.

But then she remembered how kind he’d been to her. Hatter had given her a coat when she was cold. Had held her hand on the ledge so she wouldn’t be afraid. He’d taken a bullet for her, and saved her from being eaten by a Jabberwock. He’d done nothing but look after her since she stood dripping water on his grass, had asked nothing of her at all.

Alice didn’t care what the Doctors, or anyone else for that matter, had to say; she wasn’t going to listen. She knew the truth. If Hatter was going to sell her out, he’d have done so already; there’d been ample opportunity. 

“You don’t know him at all,” Alice said. She glared defiantly at the window to her left, where one angry face hovered like a balloon. “He’s my…my friend, and I trust him!”

“Enough of this!”

“We’ve grown tired of you.”

Hatter’s hat slid off the end of the board and fluttered down in the void; Hatter was gone, as was the floor. The wood began to crumble, faster this time. And while Alice was certain of Hatter’s character, she was also certain that if she fell she’d be dead. She was still a prisoner here, and she needed to find a way out of this mess.

“The ring! I’ll tell you where it is!”

“You better be quick,” one of the Doctors warned. “It has a mind of its own.”

“I have to write it down,” she said, thinking fast. The board was almost gone. “It’s complicated. I need to draw a map.”

“A map?”

“It’s the only way you’ll find it.” Alice tried to sound convincing. She was a hair’s breadth from falling and she could barely breathe. She couldn’t panic, not now. Not when she had to find some way of outwitting the Queen and getting herself out of this room.

“Ho, hum. Very well. If you must.”

A desk appeared in front of Alice, floating in space. Resting on top if it was a piece of paper, a pen, a white fan and a pair of white gloves. Alice stared at the fan and gloves for a moment, bewildered, and then leaned over the desk and started to write. She was taking a chance and she knew it, but Winston had given her the idea in the first place. Hopefully this map would get her out of the Truth Room and still keep the Queen away from the ring. If only she knew what the Doctors were going to do.

The study door suddenly slid open and someone almost fell into the pit where the floor used to be. Alice couldn’t believe her eyes. 

“Hatter!”

What was he doing here? Had he followed her? Was he real? She didn’t care; she was overwhelmingly relieved to see him. He’d help her! The Doctors, on the other hand, were not happy to see him.

“The Tea Salesman!” 

“Go away! This is a private session!”

Hatter slid the doors open all the way and held out his hand. “Jump!”

Alice looked down, then back across the empty expanse of the floor. Could she do it?

_“Alice, this is a dangerous place. Trust me. You’re going to need my help.”_

 

“Get rid of him!” one of the Doctors yelled. That decided her. Alice certainly didn’t want to spend any more time with those two. And she had faith that Hatter would catch her.

Alice climbed up on the floating desk, took a deep breath, and launched herself at the light fixture that was hanging overhead. She grabbed it with both hands and swung herself to the door. Hatter had both arms out and caught her as soon as she got close enough. Alice threw her arms around his neck and they both stumbled back from the door.

“How did you get in here?” Alice asked, breathless. She couldn’t believe she’d just made that jump!

“I don’t know,” Hatter said, holding her tightly. “Ask Charlie.”

And Alice saw that Charlie was there too, facing the wall and mumbling, his hands out.

“Believe it or not,” the knight said. “We’re in your head.”

“What?”

“Don’t ask,” Hatter advised.

“Sound the alarm!” one of the Doctor’s shouted.

“Call the guard!”

“I knew you’d come,” Alice said. She pressed a quick, firm kiss on Hatter’s mouth. “I knew it!”

Hatter looked flustered, but Alice just laughed and hugged him. 

“Don’t do that again, Alice. Leave, I mean.” Hatter cupped her face in his hands, his gaze intent. “I can’t protect you if you run away from me.”

“I won’t,” Alice promised. She pressed her face into his neck, grateful for the solid warmth of him. He was real, and he was here. Saving her. Again.

“If you two don’t mind,” Charlie said. “I believe it would be prudent to take our leave.” There was a click and a door swung out in the hall. Alice had never in her life been so happy to see an exit. Charlie stood back and Alice ran through it, Hatter’s hand in hers. Whatever waited for them, she was confident that they could face it.

_“Do you trust me?”_

_“Completely.”_


	53. Alice

  
**Alice,** by Avril Lavigne

  
_Trippin' out, spinnin' around_   
_I'm underground_   
_I fell down_   
_Yeah, I fell down_

_I'm freaking out, where am I now?_   
_Upside down_   
_And I can't stop it now_   
_It can't stop me now, oh, oh_

_I, I'll get by_   
_I, I'll survive_   
_When the world's crashing down_   
_When I fall and hit the ground_   
_I will turn myself around_   
_Don't you try to stop me_   
_I, I won't cry_

_I found myself in Wonderland_   
_Get back on my feet, on the ground_   
_Is this real? Is this pretend?_   
_I'll take a stand until the end_   


* * *

The Rat Man pulled Alice through a short corridor and into another room. The floor in here was dirt and dried grass, except for a patch of healthy green grass at the far end of the room. The furniture was all white – sofa, desk, high-backed swivel chair. There was someone in the chair, though it was turned away from the door; Alice could see a brown hat peeping over the top.

“Would you like a cup of tea?” the man in the chair asked. His accent, like Jack’s, was very British. Only where Jack’s was refined, this man’s was much broader. 

“No. Thank you,” Alice replied. “Who are you?”

The man spun around in the chair. 

“A friend. I hope. I run the Tea Shop.”

Alice took a good look at the man that was supposed to be able to help her. The hair under his hat stood up in the front, messy and dark. His chin was dark with stubble. He wore a brown leather jacket over a dark maroon shirt printed in something like a paisley pattern. A burgundy tie was loosely knotted around his neck, and he wore dark, plum-colored pants. He looked entirely disreputable.

The Rat Man untied the grubby handkerchief from around her arm, turning it so the Tea Shop guy could see the green tattoo, which lay there on her arm like a curly green leaf. Alice yanked her arm back. The Tea Shop guy got out of his chair. He stood in front of his desk, his back to them.

“How’d you break out of the Scarab?” he asked. 

“The beetle thing?” Alice asked, confused.

The man grunted in reply and turned to look at her.

“I used my hairpin and…” She gestured to her clearly wet appearance.

“You fell,” he surmised. 

“As you can see, I’m drenched.” Alice felt like she was talking just to hear her own voice. She was out of her depth here. She was surrounded by strange, bizarre people that were doing strange and bizarre things. She needed to get a handle on the situation. 

“This place,” she asked. “Where…what is it?”

“Oh!” the Tea Shop guy gestured with both hands. “Wonderland.”

What? Wonderland? _Wonderland?_ As in, Alice and the rabbit and the Mad Hatter? _That_ Wonderland?

“That’s a story in a kid’s book.” Surely this guy was joking.

“Does this look like a kid’s story to you?” he asked dryly.

“No,” she replied, still feeling lost. And a little bit scared. Was she going crazy? The Tea Shop guy took a magnifying glass off the desk and walked towards her.

“It’s changed a lot since then,” he said.

“So you’re saying that it was real?” No. There was no way this was real. _Alice in Wonderland?_ This was a nightmare.

“You Oysters don’t know how to find us…excuse me.” The Tea Shop guy grabbed her arm and examined the tattoo. “You tell yourself that we don’t exist and, quite frankly, we like to keep it that way.”

“Why am I an oyster? This?” Alice lightly slapped the tattoo. Her arm tingled a bit where the Tea Shop guy had touched her. What the hell did that mean? 

“That’s not gonna come off,” he said, smiling. “Sorry!”

Alice looked again at the tattoo, then back at the colorfully dressed man standing in front of her. She was so confused.

“Only people from your world turn green when burnt by the light,” the Tea Shop guy explained. “It’s the Suits’ way of branding their catch. And they call you _Oysters_ because of the shiny little pearls that you all carry inside.”

“What do you mean, pearls?” Alice watched the Tea Shop guy return the magnifying glass to the desk. She wished he’d stay over there; she felt uncomfortable under his unwavering scrutiny and close proximity.

“She’s Alice,” the Rat Man interrupted. “Tell him who you are.”

What was he talking about? Was it more of the whole Wonderland thing?

“Wow,” said the Tea Shop guy. “Really?”

He walked around Alice, checking her from all sides. She refused to turn around and give him the satisfaction of having made her nervous. “Woooo,” he said, mockingly. Alice tensed up. The Tea Shop guy put his arm around the Rat Man.

“Ratty, here, thinks you’re Alice. Of Legend.”

“Who?” Alice asked. Would this guy say nothing that made any sense? She could feel a headache starting.

“The last…um.” The Tea Shop guy removed his arm from around the Rat Man and looked down in distaste at something on his fingers. “The last time a girl called Alice came here from your world she brought down the whole House of Cards. Oh, yeah. Made quite an impression. Although it was a hundred and fifty years ago.”

The Tea Shop guy turned back to glare at the Rat Man. “It couldn’t be the same girl. Oysters don’t even live that long.”

“I still want a good price,” the Rat Man insisted.

“Wait a minute,” Alice protested. She didn’t like where this was going. “I am not for sale!”

The Tea Shop guy had the nerve to hold up a finger, wanting her to keep quiet. He headed back to his desk, casting one amused glance at Alice. The Rat Man started to follow.

“Keep off the grass,” the Tea Shop guy said. He walked behind the desk to a shelf lined with different colored liquids in glass bottles. Alice didn’t know what she was supposed to do. The Rat Man clearly thought this guy could help her, but she had serious doubts about that. Conversely, what other choices did she have? If he was right, if she was really in Wonderland, she needed someone who knew how things worked here. Someone who knew the protocol. 

She really was losing her mind.

“Here we are! Mmmm!” The Tea Shop guy came back round his desk, holding a bottle with a bit of pink liquid in the bottom. “Pink nectar. Filled with the thrill of human excitement. Fifty Oysters were drained of every last drop of hullabaloo so that you, Ratty, can taste what it feels like to win. Just. Once.”

Drained? That sounded both ominous and disgusting. Alice had seen the way the people in the other room acted around these little bottles. Was this guy some kind of drug dealer?

“Warning,” he said, pulling the bottle out of the Rat Man’s reach. “Don’t drink on an empty stomach, and only one tiny drop at a time or else the experience might _burst_ your shriveled up little heart. Got it?”

“Got it,” the Rat Man said anxiously.

“Good. Go.”

Alice watched the Rat Man go running back out of the office, his prize in his hand. She couldn’t help feeling he was abandoning her here with this probably dangerouns drug dealer. Did he really just pay for her with oyster juice? Alice watched as the Tea Shop guy sniffed his fingers and winced.

“He really stinks,” he said conversationally.

“Oysters were drained?” The image that popped up in her mind was less than pleasant. “What do you mean, drained?”

The Tea Shop guy went back to his desk, sitting down with his cup of tea. “Ratty tells me you’re looking for someone.”

Finally! “His name is Jack Chase. He was taken by a man with a white rabbit on his lapel.” Wait. White rabbit? Like in the story? Alice’s head was pounding.

“I see. Hmm.” He took a sip of his tea. “The White Rabbit is an organization controlled by the Suits. They travel back and forth through the Looking Glass and…vanish people from your world to ours.”

“Why?”

“To use. In the Casino.” 

“Use?” This was bad. This was really, really bad.

“Did I say use? Slip of the tongue.” The Tea Shop guy set down his tea and stood up. “They’re fine. You know, they keep them…alive. And…moderately happy.”

“How do I get to this Casino?” Alice asked. If that’s where they took these so-called Oysters, that must be where Jack was. She had to rescue him; she wouldn’t have it on her head if anything happened to him.

“That’s the thing. You don’t. Way too dangerous.”

Alice narrowed her eyes and glared at him. 

“But, I know some people. Who know some…well… _other_ people. If you know what I mean.” Now he was right in front of Alice, uncomfortably intruding on her personal space. “It’s one of the privileges of owning a Tea Shop.”

He popped the ‘p’, and Alice jerked back, surprised and a little afraid. His mouth was smiling, but his eyes were intense and penetrating; he was clearly trying to intimidate her. 

She thought she could easily take him, but she wasn’t sure what that would get her. If someone saw that mark on her arm, they’d probably take her to the Casino and have her drained or something. She wouldn’t be able to help Jack if that happened.

“Lighten up,” the Tea Shop guy muttered. He went to a glass wardrobe that stood near the desk and opened the doors with a bit of theatrical flair.

“Ta da! You should wear this.” He removed a purple velvet coat from the closet. It flared a bit at the waist and was clearly made for a woman. 

“It’ll hide the Glow and stop you from catching a cold.” Hatter held the coat in his hands, but Alice just stood there, uncomfortable. She didn’t want to owe this guy more than she had to.

“I have a little money,” she said. “But I understand you don’t use that here.”

“Pieces of paper?” he exclaimed. “Pointless.” 

“Then why would you help me?” Alice asked, suspicious of his motives. The Tea Shop guy walked around behind her again, and his close proximity sent a shiver down her spine; she chose to classify it as apprehension, though that wasn’t exactly true.

“Do I need a reason to help a pretty girl in a very wet dress?” he asked quietly. Oh, God, was he some kind of pervert? Alice turned around, watching him with wide eyes.

“Oh. I see. You don’t trust me. Fine!” He slapped the coat down on his white couch. Alice hoped she hadn’t just made a mistake. She didn’t want to have to get physical with this guy.

“I am genuinely hurt,” the Tea Shop guy said. “Do you know why they call me Hatter?”

Hatter? His name was Hatter? Was he the freaking _Mad Hatter?_ Alice glanced up at his head. “Because you wear a hat?”

She’d honestly not known what else to say, without breaking down into hysterical laughter. Her answer seemed to take him aback for a moment.

“No. It’s because I’m always there when they pass the hat. So to speak. Philanthropy. Generosity. You can call it what you will, it’s who I am. And right now, looking at you there, there’s nothing I want more than to help you find…” And now he was at a bit of a loss.

“Jack,” Alice supplied.

“Jack! And return you both to your charming world of children’s stories.”

“I don’t believe you,” Alice said, a half smile on her face. This guy talked a good line, but she knew bullshit when she heard it. There had to be something in this for him somewhere. It was her experience that everything came with a price. No good-looking conman was going to take her for a ride.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Hatter said. “If I’m the frying pan, then that out there is the fire. I’ll be square with you. I know some people who like to help your kind. And if, every once in a while I scratch their back…”

“They’ll scratch yours,” Alice finished.

“Precisely. Lot of scratching.” 

Now that made more sense to Alice. There would be an exchange of favors, or something, and someone would help her find Jack. She didn’t trust this guy, this Hatter, but she had no better options at the moment. She went to the couch and grabbed the coat, slipping it over her cold arms. It was a perfect fit. Hatter walked to the door behind his desk.

“Do try to keep up,” he said. He opened the door, revealing a breathtaking view of the city and a narrow ledge. Alice sighed, then joined him. She couldn’t let her stupid fear of heights stop her now.

Hatter indicated a ladder off to the left. “We need to go down. Follow me.”

Alice took several deep breaths, and tentatively stepped out on the ledge. She hoped she wasn’t making a huge mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** Okay. I couldn’t help myself. Had to use this song! Thought it would go well with Alice’s first impressions of Wonderland. And while Hatter knows Alice’s name right off the bat practically, she doesn’t know his until he tells her. I’m fairly certain Ratty wouldn’t have thought that information was important, so I had to write Tea Shop guy an annoying number of times. LOL!
> 
> Also, Alice and her dad were clearly reading Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, so she would be passingly familiar with at least some of the characters. I wanted to show how much that freaked her out.


	54. Tattoo

  
**Tattoo,** by Jordin Sparks

  
_No matter what you say about love_   
_I keep coming back for more_   
_Keep my hand in the fire, sooner or later_   
_I get what I'm asking for_

_No matter what you say about life_   
_I learn every time I bleed_   
_The truth is a stranger, soul is in danger_   
_I gotta let my spirit be free_

_Don't look back, got a new direction_   
_I loved you once, needed protection_   
_You're still a part of everything I do_   
_You're on my heart just like a tattoo_

_Sick of playing all of these games_   
_It's not about taking sides_   
_When I looked in the mirror didn't deliver_   
_It hurt enough to think that I could stop_

_If I live every moment_   
_Won't change any moment_   
_There's still a part of me in you_

_I will never regret you_   
_Still the memory of you_   
_Marks everything I do_   


* * *

Alice stood in the cockpit of the Scarab surrounded by Spades, jerking a bit on her feet as the big metal ship began moving up and across the lake. There was a good view of the city from here, the tops of it lost in the clouds, but she didn’t see it. She simply stared straight ahead and wondered how it was she was still breathing when her heart was gone.

Her father didn’t remember her. He looked at her with no recognition in his eyes, no matter what she said, and he didn’t even care that the Queen had wanted to execute her. He was a stranger with her father’s face. All those years of searching and Alice had never thought things would end this way. Maybe he wouldn’t have been happy to see her, but he should have at least known who she was.

But it was worse than that. Hatter was dead. Dead because of her. He’d foolishly come riding to her rescue, after he’d clearly said goodbye and left her to Jack. And hadn’t he looked a sight astride Charlie’s horse, swinging that sword? But in the end he’d been captured, just like her, only she was finally getting to go home. And Hatter…

_While the Suits readied the ball Alice was held in place by two Spades. There were too many of them for her to fight, no matter how much she wanted to bust some heads and find Hatter. This time she would rescue him, she vowed. Wherever they’d put him, she’d find him and they’d both get out of the Casino together. Just like last time._

_“Hello, Alice.” It was the rabbit-headed guy, his creepy porcelain eyes seeing nothing as he faced her._

_“Where’s Hatter?” she demanded. She refused to be intimidated by a glorified knick-knack._

_“Isn’t that sweet. Are you worried about him?” Electronic sarcasm was somehow much worse than the regular kind._

_“Where is he?” Alice repeated through clenched teeth._

_“He asked for you at the end. Before I cut his throat.”_

_All the strength went out of Alice’s legs, and if the Spades hadn’t been holding her she would have fallen._

_“No,” she whispered. She could feel her mouth quivering and clamped her lips together. Alice found herself incapable of further speech. In her mind’s eye she could see him, smiling and telling her he’d be okay. She shouldn’t have believed him. She should’ve insisted he come._

_She put her trust in the wrong man. She’d never forgive herself for that._

Alice tried to feel something, but she was empty. She felt like the Tin Man – if someone were to bang on her chest she was certain it would echo. She’d lost two heroes in one day – the hero of her childhood, and the hero who had kept her alive in Wonderland. She wished that she would go back through the Looking Glass and forget everything. Maybe then this emptiness would go away.

The Scarab landed on a roof in the city and the Spades led Alice through a door and down some stairs. She barely acknowledged her surroundings, moving mechanically between the guards that held her arms. And then they were in Looking Glass Hall, facing an enormous mirror surrounded with various flashing and beeping machines. Plastic-suited technicians moved about here and there, and the Club who had accompanied her went up to one.

“This one’s got to go back right away,” he said.

“She’ll have to wait. A raiding party is returning with fresh Oysters.”

The machinery hummed, and a few seconds later a White Rabbit stepped through dragging an Oyster along with him. He was followed by others until there were a whole row of people from Alice’s world lined up against the wall, looking dazed. A technician went down the line, spraying something in their faces that seemed to make them fall asleep on their feet.

Alice watched all of this, still feeling detached from everything around her. Three Suits came marching in and strode purposefully to where the head technician was standing.

“The Queen is getting impatient. She wants the ring.”

The technician obligingly popped the ring out of a wooden box that was connected to the mirror. “We’ll need it back. The Looking Glass will only work for a short time without it.”

The Suit took the ring, slid it back into the puzzle box Jack had shown her, and put it in his pocket. The other Suits followed him as he marched just as purposefully out of the Hall as he’d marched in. Alice watched them go over her shoulder, then looked back as the Looking Glass started to hum again. More Oysters coming through.

Only these Oysters were little girls, two little girls being dragged through the Glass barely able to stand on their own feet. One of them looked about ten years old, far too young an age to have your emotions sucked away. Alice knew what that was like and suddenly she didn’t feel quite so empty. Rage was filling the hollow parts inside her. She may be only an Oyster, and on her own now, but she wasn’t going to stand by and let this happen. Not anymore.

“No,” she said, teeth clenched painfully. “No.”

Moving quickly, she yanked one arm free and used it to hit the surprised Spade across the throat. She flipped first his compatriot, and then himself, over her shoulder. Her adrenalin was pumping now and her whole body was tingling, like a limb that had fallen asleep and was starting to get blood flow again.

The Spades made another try, and soon all three were lying on the floor and moaning. Alice ran for the stairs, hearing the ineffectual Club yelling for the Spades to get after her. She put on speed.

Alice came out on the roof, running too close to the edge. She backed up to the wall, breathing hard, and looked for the Scarab. It was gone, but she saw the Suits getting on Flamingoes. Two flew off, but the third was tinkering with something in the engine. Alice set her sights on him, running full out across the graveled rooftop.

The Suit saw her coming and quickly got to his feet, but Alice used her momentum – and her shoulder – to knock him to the ground. He got up quickly, but Alice was able to easily deflect his punches. She flipped him on his back, and when he scrambled back up she kicked him, hard. The Suit stumbled to the edge of the roof and went over with a yell.

“No!” Alice cried. She didn’t want to be responsible for more death. She cautiously looked over the side, but the Suit had gotten lucky and landed on a small ledge about seven feet down.

Seeing her chance, Alice climbed on the Flamingo. She was breathing heavily, both from the fight and from what she knew was coming. She’d have to fly the damn thing back to the Casino, by herself.

“Okay,” she breathed. “Okay. Come on Alice, you can do this.”

The other Suits were pulling away and she needed to catch them, needed to get that ring back. And now her time was up, because here came the Spades, guns out and firing.

“Okay,” Alice said again. She took a deep breath and hit the red button, sending the Flamingo – and herself – soaring out into space.

_Oh, God!_ This was probably the scariest thing she’d ever done. She wished Hatter was here for her to cling to, but thinking of him was too painful. Alice told herself she needed to hold on to the anger, needed to keep her focus. She needed that ring!

The Suits were drawing closer, and then one was peeling away. Alice knew he meant to come around behind her, and he already had his very large gun out and propped on his shoulder. No good, no good! She lost him for a moment in the clouds, and then he was right behind her, shooting.

Alice shrieked and automatically ducked, leaning far forward. This pointed the Flamingo down, still at a great rate of speed. She was heading right for the forest! Visions of fiery crashes flashed before her eyes. She needed to do something!

“Alice!” she screamed at herself. “Pull this thing up!”

She pulled back on the Flamingo neck, using all her strength to get it to level out. Within seconds she was below the treetops, dodging trees and branches. This time she pulled back on the neck and leaned as far back as she could, and the Flamingo finally pulled up. She cleared the trees in moments, and felt immeasurably proud of herself. She did it!

Alice cast a hasty look behind her, but she’d managed to lose the Suit. “Woo!” Maybe flying wasn’t so bad after all. Hatter would love to…

No time for that now, Alice told herself. Still, it did cast a pall over the moment, and she forced herself to focus. The Suits were headed back to the Casino and that’s where she needed to go as well. The Queen of Hearts had a lot to answer for, and Alice was going to make certain that she did just that. She owed it, to the Oysters, to the memory of her father…and to Hatter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** This is how I answered my own question of why Alice thought Hatter was dead before they found each other in the Game Room at the end of the movie. And just a general look at her emotions during that time. This is not AU. March was messing with Alice just because he could.


	55. Just The Way You Are

  
**Just the Way You Are,** by Bruno Mars

  
_Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shinin'_  
 _Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her tryin'_  
 _She's so beautiful_  
 _And I tell her everyday_

_Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me_  
 _And it's so, it's so sad to think that she don't see what I see_  
 _But every time she asks me do I look okay?_  
 _I say_

_When I see your face_  
 _There's not a thing that I would change_  
 _'Cause you're amazing_  
 _Just the way you are_

_Oh, you know, you know, you know I'd never ask you to change_  
 _If perfect's what you're searching for, then just stay the same_  
 _So don't even bother asking if you look okay_  
 _You know I'll say_

_When I see your face_  
 _There's not a thing that I would change_  
 _'Cause you're amazing_  
 _Just the way you are_  


* * *

Alice sat at a table by the door, angrily hunched over her rum and coke. It was still relatively early on Friday night, but already the club was packed and the bass from the speakers was thumping. The door opened frequently, letting in welcome puffs of cool air, but nothing could stop the burning in Alice’s veins.

Hatter had been working at the club for just over a month. He’d started out on the door, checking IDs, but management had quickly re-evaluated his worth. Now Hatter worked the floor, going from table to table to chat with the customers. In the short amount of time he’d been there, the female clientele – particularly the college girls – had tripled.

Alice watched Hatter doing hat tricks for a table full of giggling girls across the room. How could she possibly compete with those young, perky faces? A petite blonde with big boobs rubbed her hand up and down Hatter’s arm, her grin too wide and her eyes too bright. Alice didn’t know who she was, but she hated her.

“Bitch,” she muttered under her breath. She had no idea why she kept coming here and watching Hatter work; it only made her hurt and angry. The worst part was that he was so different here, with these other women. He laughed. That was what hurt the worst. Hatter almost never laughed at home, but at the club it was like he couldn’t stop.

Alice had another rum and coke before Hatter made his way over to her table, and she made no attempt to hide how she was feeling; his smile began to waver as soon as he got a good look at her.

“Alice? Everything okay?”

“Fine.” Alice lifted her glass to take another drink, and was surprised to find it empty. “Well…perfect.”

“What’s the matter, love?”

Before Alice could launch into a detailed diatribe about everything that was wrong, the door opened and a group of women came in. They were all wearing pink shirts emblazoned with the words BACHELORETTE PARTY. A curvy redhead immediately split from the pack and draped herself on Hatter.

“Hatter! There you are! Can you come to our table? I told my friend Chelsea that you do the most amazing tricks.”

“Sure thing, Wendy.” Hatter grinned. “She the one getting hitched?”

“Yeah, she’ll be the one with the blush on all night.” Wendy smirked. “See you in a few?”

“I’ll be there,” Hatter promised. 

Wendy patted him on the cheek and went off to rejoin her friends. Alice watched her go, noting the swing in her step that drew the eye right to her hips and backside.

“Screw this,” she muttered. She tossed some money on the table and pushed past Hatter. She got five whole steps out the door before he grabbed her arm and swung her around.

“Talk to me,” he pleaded. He looked anxious, and the angry words Alice was going to say died in her throat. Instead, she completely humiliated herself by bursting into tears. 

Hatter immediately pulled her close, his hands rubbing up and down her back. The clouds, which had been threatening rain all day, chose that moment to open up. They were both instantly soaked.

“Alice, love. Please. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“I can’t compete with them,” Alice cried. She pushed back out of Hatter’s arms and ran a hand through her wet hair. “Look at me!”

“Why’d you have to compete with anyone?” Hatter asked, confused.

Alice gestured with her arm. “Those girls in there. With their big boobs and curvy hips and blonde hair. I’m not pretty like them, Hatter. I have the body of a boy, for God’s sake!”

She looked down at herself, her black dress wet and clinging and plainly showing her lack of physical assets. Whatever anger she’d had earlier had dissipated, replaced by hurt and self-pity.

“Alice…” Hatter reached for her but she moved back a step.

“I see how happy you are with them, Hatter. Happier than you are with me. You laugh with them. They make you smile. I don’t know why you’re even with me.” She looked at Hatter through water-laden eyelashes, unsure what to expect. Would he be relieved that she’d put it out there? Grateful that he could get away from her? 

No. What Alice saw on his face anger, so thunderous it made her catch her breath. She’d never seen that expression on his face before and now that it was there, she didn’t know what to do.

“Is that what you think of me?” Hatter asked, his voice so low Alice almost couldn’t hear it over the pounding of the rain around them. “Do you know what this is? It’s work. It’s what I do so I can keep living here with you.”

“Hatter…”

“No! You listen, Alice.” Hatter crossed his arms, his whole posture stiff and defensive. “When you see me in there, working the floor, you don’t really see me. You see the man who ran the Tea Shop. It’s all a put-on, yeah? None of those women knows the slightest bit about me, or really cares to. They just want to get in my pants, and I’ve no interest in that. Not when I have you.”

Alice ducked her head, unable to look Hatter in the eye. She’d thought she couldn’t feel any more foolish, but he was making her feel about an inch high. She didn’t know why she was acting this way; none of her other boyfriends had ever made her question her looks or her self-worth.

She twitched, startled, when Hatter put his hand under her chin and angled her head up to look at him. She blinked the tears and rain out of her eyes.

“I came here for you, Alice. I came here because I thought you saw me, the real me. The one that doesn’t have to put on a show.”

“I’m sorry, Hatter,” Alice whispered.

“I came here for you,” he repeated. “Because there’s no-one with eyes as blue as yours. No-one else who makes me feel whole. Alice, you’re beautiful to me. Everything about you is beautiful and perfect.”

“I’m not.” Alice fought against the lump in her throat, the tightness in her chest.

“You’re my Alice,” Hatter said. He moved closer so that he was murmuring right in her ear. “There’s no-one in your world or mine that could take your place.”

Alice gave in, throwing her arms around Hatter and crying into his neck. He held her tightly, kissing the top of her head. She felt like an idiot; how could she have doubted his feelings for her, even for a second?

“You have to trust me, Alice. Like you did before.” Hatter stroked her hair, rubbed her back. “I love you. Only you.”

“I must love you too,” Alice sniffled. “Or else I wouldn’t be acting like such an idiot.”

Hatter captured her lips in a kiss and Alice immediately deepened it. When they finally came up for air, gasping, she couldn’t help but laugh. Had she really expected him to walk away? She was seeing things a bit clearer now.

“I don’t think I can watch you work anymore,” she told him. He just grinned down at her.

“Maybe I should find a new job, yeah?”

“Hatter, you could be a garbage man and still have women throwing themselves at you.” Alice ran her hands over his chest, smoothing the wrinkles out of his soggy silk shirt.

“I won’t do it. Not if it’s going to hurt you like this,” Hatter said, serious now. “Without you I have nothing.”

“I’ll be okay,” Alice promised. It didn’t feel like a lie, and maybe it wasn’t. Maybe she just needed to be reminded of what she had. “You’d better get back in there.”

“Not tonight,” Hatter said. “Tonight I’m leaving early, and going home with my girl.”

Alice couldn’t help the grin that spread over her face. Let those other girls thrust their curvy little bodies at him – she was the one he came home to every night. She was the one he loved. And now she was finally starting to believe it.

“You sure?” she asked.

Hatter stepped back, holding her at arm’s length and giving her a thorough once-over. His gaze was so intense that Alice could feel herself start to smolder.

“I’ve never been able to resist you, especially in a very wet dress.”

Alice fairly launched herself at him. Quick as a wink he had her pressed against the brick wall, her legs wrapped around his waist and his tongue in her mouth. She didn’t care about the crowd on the street or the amused look the bouncer was casting their way. She only cared about this man, this crazily handsome, impossibly wonderful man that inexplicably loved her more than anyone else in two worlds.

“We keep this up,” Hatter gasped. “And we’ll be arrested for public indecency.”

“I don’t care.”

“I care. I’ve no desire to see the inside of an Oyster jail.” Hatter kissed her again, lightly this time. “Let me go tell Gene I’m leaving.”

“Don’t take long.”

“I’ll be quick as a hiccup,” Hatter promised, setting Alice back on her feet.

She watched him duck back inside the club, and knew there’d be a room full of disappointed women. No, she couldn’t let Hatter quit his job. He was good at it, and made money doing it. If he could put up with all the touching and giggling, so could she. As long as she didn’t have to see it. And even if she didn’t understand what it was that Hatter saw in her, she had to believe him. He’d never let her down, no reason to think he’d start now.

As promised, he was back in a flash, his coat draped over his arm.

“Let’s go home, love. I want to show you how beautiful you are.”

“I love you, Hatter.” Alice tucked herself under his arm, walking with him up the wet sidewalk.

“I love you too, my Alice.”


	56. Mister Cellophane

  
**Mister Cellophane,** from the Chicago Soundtrack

  
_If someone stood up in a crowd_   
_And raised his voice up way out loud_   
_And waved his arm_   
_And shook his leg_   
_You'd notice him_

_And even without clucking like a hen_   
_Everyone gets noticed, now and then_   
_Unless, of course, that personage should be_   
_Invisible, inconsequential me_

_Cellophane_   
_Mister cellophane_   
_Should have been my name_   
_Mister cellophane_   
_'Cause you can look right through me_   
_Walk right by me_   
_And never know I'm there_

_A human being's made of more than air_   
_With all that bulk, you're bound to see_   
_Him there_

_Unless that human bein' next to you_   
_Is unimpressive, undistinguished_   
_You know who_   


* * *

“Ten!” the Queen called. “Fetch me Duchess. I desire an update from her immediately.”

“Yes, Mum.”

Ten hurried off, black robe swirling round his ankles. No-one made eye contact with him as he moved through the halls towards Jack’s suite. Being the Ten of Clubs was the most prestigious position he could ever hope to achieve, but it was lonely as well. He was the Queen’s mouthpiece, after all, and the King’s right-hand, and therefore couldn’t be trusted.

Jack’s suite had a guard posted. Ten nodded at him, then walked through the door without knocking. Duchess was straddling Jack on the circular bed, the gold dress hugging her like a second skin. Ten took a moment to school his features before clearing his throat.

“What?!” Duchess screeched, clearly annoyed.

“The Queen wants you. Now.”

Duchess huffed, and climbed off of Jack. The Prince of Hearts continued to languish there, spread-eagled and high on Tea. Ten kept his emotions tightly wrapped, but somewhere inside he was sneering. And then there was only Duchess, striding toward him.

“I almost had him,” she purred, her hand stroking lightly along the side of his face. “You idiot.”

Duchess swept out of the room and Ten closed his eyes for the briefest of moments. He committed her touch to memory, one of many such moments. Even when she was angry, Duchess was the only one who saw him. With a final disgusted look at Jack, Ten followed the Duchess back to the throne room.

*o*o*o*

Being a Club was a good deal, generally speaking. There was none of the gun-toting that was required of the Spades, and none of the brainless servitude enforced on the Diamonds. Of course, there were plenty of downsides as well. No-one ever called Ten by his rightful name; the Queen couldn’t be bothered to remember it and so it was forgotten altogether. Ten also lived under the constant threat of beheading, and had in fact been sentenced for execution three separate times. If not for the timely intervention of the King…well, he didn’t like to think about that.

The only light in his incredibly long and taxing day was Duchess. She was the only one in the Casino who was kind to him, who took the time to talk with him like he was a real person. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised, since she herself had been made into a tool for the Queen. She knew what it was not to be trusted.

It was Ten that found her, sitting on the bed with her hands bound and her head down, face hidden behind a swath of golden hair. Inside he seethed, but his face betrayed nothing. He glanced down at the unconscious Spade and shook his head. Useless. How many more times would Jack have to escape before they wised up? He didn’t relish having to tell the Queen that her son had slipped away. Again.

“Duchess?” Ten loosened the bonds around her wrists. Feeling bold, he put his hand to her chin and tilted her head up. She was silently crying, fat tears running down her cheeks. Ten dropped to his knees before her, his hand now cupping one side of her face, his thumb brushing the tears away.

“Why doesn’t he want me?” Duchess asked, full lips trembling.

Ten felt a familiar tightening in his chest, one that was partly sympathy for her and partly the pain of loving someone he knew would never love him back. He longed to pull her close and kiss her tears away. If only Jack was out of the picture. But that was a pipe dream as well, because as a Club he must always be alone; he wasn’t allowed a family of his own.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Ten murmured. Their conversations were always hushed; you never knew who was listening.

“I don’t know what to do, Sandro.”

As always, Ten felt a little thrill when she said his true name. Duchess was the only one who used it, and he never knew how she’d found it out. He knew hers as well, though he’d never said it aloud. _Anna_. Her name was like a treasure he kept only for himself.

“I wish I could help you,” he said with utter sincerity.

Duchess smiled at him through her tears. “I know you do.” She rested her hand atop his, and Ten momentarily forgot to breathe.

There was more he might have said, words of comfort, but the Spade was starting to stir. Jack’s escape would have to be reported to the King, and then to the Queen herself. If she flew into another rage, anyone around her would be at risk for execution.

“Go. Stay out of sight, just for a little while,” Ten urged. “I’ll give you all the time that I can.”

“Thank you, Sandro.” Duchess pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and hurried out of the room. Ten remained on his knees a moment longer, feeling as if his skin had been branded by her lips. Jack was a fool not to appreciate what he had, pushing Duchess away merely because the Queen had matched them. How could he not see how much she loved him?

Ten helped the Spade get to his feet, and gave him a quick appraisal. No, he didn’t need the infirmary. But neither did he need to start shooting off his mouth about the Prince. He reached into one of the deep pockets in his robe and drew out a special red chip, which he pressed into the Spade’s hand.

“Take this to Carpenter. He’ll give you something for the headache.”

“But Jack…I have to tell the King…”

“I’ll take care of it,” Ten said decisively. He practically pushed the Spade out into the hall and saw him on his way. The red chip would buy him some time; Carpenter knew it meant that whatever he gave the Spade would also have to take his memories away. Temporarily, of course, for the Queen would undoubtedly demand a full account of the escape.

He sighed, then went off to find the King and explain the situation.

*o*o*o*

Ten could actually feel his heart breaking when he saw Duchess and Jack enter the clearing, hand in hand. His whole life had turned upside down, thanks to that Oyster in the blue dress, that Alice. Now the Casino was destroyed, and he feared the King had gone down with it; there was no other reason for him to not be at his wife’s side.

Still, he’d not be the Ten of Clubs if he couldn’t see which way the wind was blowing. So when Hatter asked him for a knife, he quickly produced one. He had to actively force himself to remain standing where he was, to fight the urge to protect the Queen as he’d always been instructed. Jack’s rebellion had finally won, and if Ten could avoid being locked away he’d gladly support the heir to the throne.

When it was all over, when the Queen had been taken away in disgrace and the Oysters had stopped their cheering, Ten found himself standing alone. He didn’t know what to do now. Protocol demanded that the new ruler of Wonderland should clear the ranks and bring in his own people, people he knew he could trust. What life was there for him now?

“Ten, a word?” He was surprised when Jack addressed him and pulled him aside. Duchess clung to his arm, never more beautiful than she was in her happiness. She’d be the new Queen now, he thought with a stab of regret. There would be no more stolen moments.

“Duchess tells me you’ve been a true and faithful friend to her,” Jack said. “I know that you served my father well, and would like to keep you on in your current position.”

Ten was shocked, and hastily rearranged his facial expression back to indifference. “Your forgiveness, Sir, but that goes against protocol.”

“I’m not interested in protocol.” Jack waved his hand dismissively. “Duchess trusts you, my father trusted you, and so shall I. Will you stay on?”

He didn’t know what to do. To keep his post under a new regime would be quite a coup, and frankly he didn’t know what he’d do with himself if he wasn’t the Ten of Clubs. Still, to be around Duchess and Jack, see them together…he didn’t know if he could do that either.

“I’m going to need your help, Ten,” Jack said insistently. Duchess whispered in his ear and he nodded. “Sandro. There are changes I want to make. Will you help me?”

The King of Hearts had used his real name. Had asked for his help. Ten looked at Duchess, saw the encouragement on her face. He couldn’t say no to her, couldn’t pass up the   
opportunity to assist Jack in bringing some well-needed change to Wonderland.

“I’ll do it,” he said finally. Jack shook his hand, but Duchess threw her arms around him and gave him a hug.

“Thank you, Sandro,” she whispered in his ear. “We can’t do this without you.”

Ten patted her awkwardly on the back, then pulled away. No reason to make this harder than it had to be. Once Duchess was installed as the new Queen of Hearts, such displays would become scandalous. He held tight to the feel of her wrapped around him, her breath warm on his skin.

This was going to be so much harder than serving the former Queen had ever been, but maybe now he would be seen. Maybe now he could finally be Sandro again.


	57. A Change In Me

  
**A Change In Me,** from Beauty  & the Beast

  
_There's been a change in me_  
 _A kind of moving on_  
 _Though what I used to be_  
 _I still depend on_  
 _For now I realize_  
 _That good can come from bad_  
 _That may not make me wise_  
 _But oh it makes me glad_

_And I-- I never thought I'd leave behind_  
 _My childhood dreams_  
 _But I don't mind_  
 _For now I love the world I see_  
 _No change of heart a change in me_

_For in my dark despair_  
 _I slowly understood_  
 _My perfect world out there_  
 _Had disappeared for good_  
 _But in it's place I feel_  
 _A truer life begin_  
 _And it's so good and real_  
 _It must come from within_

_No change of heart_  
 _A change in me_  


* * *

Alice tumbled through the Looking Glass, landing hard on her hands and knees in Looking Glass Hall. She let loose with some curses as she got shakily to her feet and dusted herself off. She adjusted the backpack straps on her shoulders and looked around for some assistance. But the Hall was empty. Not even a single technician was loitering there.

“Hello?” Alice called out, her voice echoing. “Great. Just great.”

Still, she wasn’t about to let it dampen her resolve. She hadn’t come all the way here just to be thrown by a lack of able bodies. Striding purposely forward, Alice went through the revolving door and out on the ledge. The view was just as breathtaking as she remembered, and she was filled with an almost overwhelming feeling of joy.

Edging very carefully towards the drop-off, Alice peered over and looked down. Her stomach lurched at the incredibly dangerous heights and she stumbled back against the door. Okay, then. Baby steps. It was okay to take baby steps.

“Now what?” Alice asked herself. She knew the Palace was somewhere below Looking Glass Hall. But how to get there? It had only been a couple of days, but it was hard to remember; there’d just been so much going on at the time, and she hadn’t thought she’d need to remember the way back. Screw it. She’d just pick a direction and stick with it.

Alice headed left down the ledge, looking for a ladder that would take her down, but finding none. She went around a very narrow corner, hugging the wall all the way, and saw nothing but another ladder-free ledge. She sighed and shook her head. Nice to know Wonderland hadn’t gotten any less frustrating in her absence. Then again, if things were easy it wouldn’t be Wonderland at all.

“I’m going to be stuck on this damn ledge forever,” Alice muttered. Okay, change of direction then. She headed back the way she came to see if the right-hand ledge had a way down. Just as she came around the corner, she saw a familiar figure go through the revolving door into Looking Glass Hall. Her heart pounded in her chest, not believing her good fortune. _Hatter._

Alice took off at a run, instantly and painfully afraid that he’d somehow slip past her and she wouldn’t be able to find him again. The backpack thumped up and down as she ran. When she reached the revolving door she paused, catching her breath. And wondering why Hatter was here. Was he meeting someone? The old doubts struggled to resurface, but Alice shoved them back down. No. She wasn’t going to give in to those feelings any more. 

Alice slipped quietly through the door, not wanting to announce herself until she saw what Hatter was up to. She was surprised to see him sitting with his back against the Looking Glass, his hat in his hands. His head was tilted back and his eyes were closed. And it seemed like he was talking to himself. Alice inched closer until she could hear what he was saying.

“…hard, they still want the Tea and it’s all gone. Things are so uncertain now. It’s why you had to leave. It’s not safe for you.”

Alice put her hand over her mouth. Was he talking to _her?_

“Can’t stop thinking about you, though. You probably don’t even remember me…” Hatter dropped his head to his knees. 

Alice couldn’t stand to see him like that. She shrugged out of the backpack and let it drop heavily to the floor. Hatter’s head whipped up and his eyes became impossibly wide.

“It’s finally happened,” he moaned, clutching at his hair. “I’ve gone mad.”

Alice slowly walked toward him and he never so much as blinked. She climbed the few steps up to the Glass, then squatted down in front of him.

“Hatter,” she said. “It’s me.”

Her own heart was racing madly, though she tried not to let it show. This was it. This was the reason she’d come back to Wonderland. She wanted to find out if there was more between them than that awkward goodbye had indicated. Alice had been unable to stop thinking about Hatter, filled with a longing she’d never known, not even for her father. 

Another fear to be faced; would he want her, or was it all just an act?

“You can’t be here,” Hatter whispered, pressing himself harder against the Glass as if he could escape that way.

“The last time we were here, I told Jack that I’d changed. That I wanted something different.” Alice looked into his beautiful brown eyes, searching for the answer to her unasked question. “And it’s true. I have changed. I’m not the same person I was before Wonderland. Before you. I never really felt alive until I came here, Hatter. I can’t go back to the way things were before.”

“Alice…” Hatter reached out a trembling hand and touched her face.

“I have to know, Hatter. I have to know how you feel about me.”

“Alice,” Hatter said again. And then he was kissing her, his hands fisted almost painfully in her hair. And amidst the myriad of feelings that were coursing through Alice at that moment, the largest was triumph. She was _right!_ She’d known there was something between them!

When they finally came up for air, Alice was sitting between Hatter’s legs, curled up against him and feeling more at home than she would have thought possible. Hatter pressed light kisses to the top of her head, his arms wrapped around her and holding her close.

“How did you get here?” Hatter asked.

“Same as last time. Through the Glass.”

“Not possible,” he argued. “Jack shut it down. After all the Oysters went back. That’s why there’s no-one here.”

Alice felt a little shiver run down her spine. “I swear, Hatter, I went back to the warehouse and just stepped through. It brought me right here.”

The thought that she wouldn’t have been able to cross over to Wonderland filled her with unease. Clearly Hatter was right – Jack never would have left the Looking Glass unguarded if it was still operational. So why had it worked for her?

“You truly are the Alice of Legend,” Hatter said softly.

There was more kissing then, and Alice decided it didn’t matter. She’d needed to come back and the Looking Glass had let her through. End of story. It just reinforced for her that she’d made the right decision.

“How long can you stay?” Hatter asked.

“How long do you want me?” Alice countered.

“Forever,” he sighed.

“Sounds good to me.”

Hatter looked down at her in surprise. “But…your life, back in your world. Your mum.”

“I talked to my mom,” Alice said. “I explained everything. I don’t know how much she really believed, but she understood why I needed to leave. I want to live, Hatter, really live. And I don’t think I can, not without you.”

“I want that Alice, more than you know. But Wonderland? It’s not such a good time to be here.”

“I’m not afraid,” Alice said. And she wasn’t; she was excited and curious and ready to start her new life. “I love you, Hatter.”

He clutched her tightly and buried his face in her hair. His reply was muffled, but she heard it clear enough. And she knew everything would be okay.

“I love you, too. My Alice, how I love you.”


	58. Maybe

  
**Maybe,** by Sick Puppies

  
_Maybe I'm a dreamer_   
_Maybe I'm misunderstood_   
_Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should_   
_Maybe I'm crazy_   
_Maybe I'm the only one_   
_Maybe I'm just out of touch_   
_Maybe I've just had enough_

_Maybe it's time to change_   
_And leave it all behind_   
_I've never been one to walk alone_   
_I've always been scared to try_   
_So why does it feel so wrong_   
_To reach for something more_   
_To wanna live a better life_   
_What am I waiting for?_   
_'Cause nothing stays the same_   
_Maybe it's time to change_

_Maybe it's hopeless_   
_Maybe I should just give up_   
_What if I can't trust myself?_   
_What if I just need some help?_   


* * *

“That way!” Hatter pointed, and set Alice running again. They came to a makeshift dock. An intricate network of canals and aqueducts brought water from the lake up through the city, and all you had to do was follow them back out again. 

“My smuggling boat,” he panted. “Quickly!”

Alice followed him onto the boat, and he moved directly to the outboard motor. He gave the cord a tug, with no response.

“Hang on, there’s a knack to this.” Hatter tugged the rope again. “Which apparently I’ve never learned.”

Alice, meanwhile, was struggling to untie the rope that moored the boat to the dock. Hatter jumped behind the wheel, turning the key. Still nothing.

“Come on!” he begged the boat, pounding on it for good measure. Finally, the motor turned over. Not a moment too soon; the Suits arrived at the dock seconds after they pulled away. Hatter’s heart was pounding from their narrow escape. He aimed the boat towards open water and opened the throttle.

“Where’s the Casino?” Alice asked.

“I already told you, you can’t negotiate with the Queen. But…the White Rabbit is a different kettle of onions. Perhaps they’ll do a deal. It’s a long shot, but it’s the only one we’ve got.” Another plan started churning in his brain.

“We?” Alice asked, looking at him with those keen blue eyes. How much of him did she really see?

In just a few short hours, this Oyster had turned his world topsy turvy. Not only had she made him take foolish risks – like crossing Dodo – but something about her made him want more from his life. For so long he’d taken orders from everyone, particularly the Queen and the Resistance. It had been ages since he’d even considered taking something for himself. He blamed it on those guileless blue eyes.

“I don’t know if you noticed, Alice, but my shop was ransacked. I’m homeless. I’m a target not only for the Suits but the Resistance as well, and there’s only so many places in Wonderland I can hide.” And if they’d truly resurrected March, those hiding places became far fewer. “The way I see it, I’ve only got one option.”

“Which is?” Alice looked at him expectantly.

“Go back with you. To your world.” Escaping Wonderland had never been an option, had never even crossed his mind. It had taken one Oyster – _she was so strong!_ – to make him rethink everything. Though to be honest, the fact that Alice would be in that world with him was a big selling point. He’d only just met her, it was true, but there was something…just something.

Alice looked at him, sympathy written on her face. “I’m sorry.”

Hatter stared at her, startled. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated softly. “This is all my fault, everything that’s happened to you. I…I’ll understand if you want to just drop me off somewhere.”

Hatter couldn’t help but grin. She claimed not to trust him, but here she was apologizing. And she’d come back for him at the Great Library when she could’ve saved her own skin. As tough as this Oyster tried to appear, there was clearly a softness to her as well.

“Not to worry,” he said with a shrug. “All for a good cause, yeah?”

“Thanks.” Alice smiled at him and Hatter felt unaccountably hopeful. Sure, they were being pursued by Suits, March, the Resistance, and probably several other angry factions as well, but they were a team. He put his lot in with an Oyster, which once would have been a laughable idea, and he couldn’t help but feel that maybe everything would work out after all.

“Hatter, I just want to…” Whatever else Alice was about to say was cut off by a familiar hum coming from behind them. They both turned to look at the Scarab that was quickly closing the gap between them.

“Before we do anything,” Hatter said. “We have to shake that royal flush.”

He pushed the little boat as fast as it could go, which thankfully was faster than the Scarab. Hatter aimed for the far shore, where he could hopefully hide the boat and lose the Suits in the forest. 

As the little boat sped toward the far shore, Hatter tried to come up with another plan. At the same time he had to fight his own niggling doubts. His past had shown him time and again how his best plans could lead to disaster; this time he vowed things would be different. He’d keep Alice safe, and get her back home. No matter what it took, no matter what sacrifices he himself had to make.


	59. Fix You - Love Affair

  
**Fix You,** by Coldplay

  
_When you try your best, but you don't succeed_  
 _When you get what you want, but not what you need_  
 _When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_  
 _Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_  
 _When you lose something you can't replace_  
 _When you love someone, but it goes to waste_  
 _Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home_  
 _And ignite your bones_  
 _And I will try to fix you_

_And high up above or down below_  
 _When you're too in love to let it go_  
 _But if you never try you'll never know_  
 _Just what you're worth_

_Lights will guide you home_  
 _And ignite your bones_  
 _And I will try to fix you_

_Tears stream down on your face_  
 _When you lose something you cannot replace_  
 _Tears stream down on your face_  
 _And on your face I..._

_Lights will guide you home_  
 _And ignite your bones_  
 _And I will try to fix you_  


* * *

**Part One**

****

Alice walked through the door of the apartment she shared with her mother, still feeling a bit disoriented. She’d been in the hospital for four days and the doctors still weren’t sure what had caused her unconsciousness and subsequent seizures. They’d run her through a gamut of tests but found nothing; all her brain functions were normal, ditto every other part of her body that had been poked and prodded.

“Why don’t you go lay down for a while, sweetie,” Carol said, coming in behind her and closing the door.

With a half nod, Alice went back to her room. Everything here was familiar and somehow strange at the same time. She supposed it was the long hospital stay. She headed for the bed, but paused by the desk and looked at the map. Alice didn’t know why, but she didn’t feel any of the usual things when she gazed at the collection of her father’s things. Gone was the longing and anger and hopelessness; they had been replaced by sadness and a curious sense of finality. 

When Carol came to check on her twenty minutes later, Alice was packing the last of her father’s things away in an old hat box and had pulled all the pins out of the map.

“What’s this all about?”

Alice sat down on her bed, tired even from this little bit of activity. She tapped the lid down on the box and put her hand on it.

“I don’t need to look for Dad anymore,” she said. “I can’t explain it…it’s just…I feel like he’s really gone.”

Carol sat next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. “Daddy’s never gone, as long as we remember him.”

Alice rested her head on Carol’s shoulder. “I know. I guess I’m just tired of waiting for something to happen.”

“Then stop. You can’t fix what happened with Daddy, but you can start living your own life.”

“I love you, Mom.” Alice kissed Carol on the cheek.

“I love you too, sweetie.” Carol gave her a tight hug, and then got up off the bed. “Why don’t you lay down, you look exhausted. Are you feeling okay?”

“I am a little tired,” Alice admitted. “I’ll see if I can take a nap.”

“Do you have the pills the doctor gave you?”

Alice patted the pocket of her jeans. “Right here. I don’t think I’ll need them.”

Carol paused in the doorway. “Don’t be a hero, Alice. If they help you sleep, take them.”

“I’ll be fine,” Alice insisted. She tucked the hat box in the closet, kicked her shoes off, and stretched out on the bed. She was more that just a little tired, truth be told. And she hoped the dream that had plagued her in the hospital would now be dispelled by the familiar trappings of her room, her home. With that thought, she closed her eyes and was almost instantly asleep.

_Alice was running through a maze of mirrors that stretched out endlessly, like a funhouse room that had no beginning or end. Her heart pounded and she could feel sweat running down her face. If only she could find her way out, she knew everything would be okay. And then the panicky feeling would stop._

_There was no end to these mirrors. Some stretched her out painfully tall, others squished her into a round alien blob, but it was the mirrors that held other faces that frightened her the most. Her father’s face swam out at her, his hair gone gray and his face lined._

_A walrus wearing a tan turtleneck towered over her, his tusks sharp and bloody. A fat woman with bright red hair sneered at her, an axe held in one hand. A blind rabbit clutched a knife in its jaws; a black dodo bird screeched maddeningly; a grotesquely monstrous lizard-like creature bellowed and honked; a bald doctor, face hidden behind a mask, held a syringe filled with a viscous black substance._

_Alice ran on and on, passing more faces and more monsters as she went. She screamed for help, begged the image of her father to tell her the way out, but she was trapped here with the noise and fear and the sense of impending death waiting for her right around the corner._

_Then she saw it – a door with a red exit sign flashing. She ran for it, and bounced off a mirror. Growling in frustration, she tried again and again to reach the door, but it was only reflected in the mirrors. Finally, exhausted and overwhelmed by anger and anxiety, she stopped in front of yet another mirror. She rested her head on the glass._

_“Please,” she whispered. “Please help me.”_

_A flicker of movement in the mirror made her jerk back in surprise. There was someone standing by the exit door now, mostly hidden in shadow. Alice thought it was a man, wearing some kind of hat. He didn’t seem particularly threatening, not like the other faces, the other monsters._

_“Help me!” Alice cried, slapping the mirror with her hands. “Please!”_

_The man held out his hand, beckoning. This time, when Alice hit the mirror her hands went through it like it was made of water instead of glass. Thrown off balance, she pitched forward and fell through the mirror._

_Falling, falling, falling…a noiseless void that sucked the air from her lungs even as she tried to scream. Falling, falling, falling…_

Alice woke with a muffled scream, thrashing and soaked in sweat. She didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, but the light through her window had changed significantly. She sat up, one hand over her chest where her heart was still pounding painfully. She forced herself to take deep breaths until the fear from the dream began to subside.

There’d be no going back to sleep, not right away. Feeling disappointed in herself, Alice knew she’d need a sleeping pill before she went to bed for the night. She hated the way they made her feel the day after, all cotton-headed and groggy, but she couldn’t take more of that stupid dream. Like the fear of heights, she viewed it as a personal weakness, but there was no way to fight her unconscious mind. The doctors seemed to think the dream was a reaction to whatever trauma she’d undergone, and that it would fade with time. 

Alice sincerely hoped so.

In the mean time, she thought she’d wander into the kitchen and see if she could find some food. After four days of hospital food, she was ready for something a bit more substantial.

*o*o*o*

The following morning dawned bright and warm, and Alice decided she’d take a walk down to the dojo just to clear her head; she wouldn’t be back to teaching classes for another week. Carol was less than enthusiastic about the idea.

“You shouldn’t go out alone,” she said. She pushed a plate of buttered toast across the table for Alice.

“I’ll be perfectly fine,” Alice replied. She wasn’t especially hungry, but took the toast to mollify her mother. “We don’t even know what happened, and I’m not going to stay cooped up in here.”

“The police still haven’t found Jack,” Carol said.

“Jack had nothing to do with it, Mom.”

“You don’t know that for sure. You went running out of here after him, and the next thing I know I’m hearing sirens.”

Alice just shook her head and ate her toast. True, her memories from that night weren’t great. She remembered having Jack over for dinner, remembered going out after him, mad because he’d slipped that ring in her pocket. She remembered hearing some sort of ruckus in the alley, and going to investigate. After that…nothing. A hazy image of a white van, something else about a cane.

“Well, take your phone then,” Carol sighed. “And stay out where the people are – no going down any more alleys.”

“Promise.”

*o*o*o*

Though it was only April, to Alice it felt like summer. There was a nice warm breeze blowing, and the sun felt wonderful against her face. She took several deep breaths, and felt her head starting to clear a bit from the sleeping pill she took the night before.

Purposefully walking in the opposite direction she’d taken that fateful night, Alice let herself enjoy the sights and sounds of life on her block. Some people called out greetings, others asked her if she was feeling better. She didn’t stop long to talk; she wanted to keep moving, work out the stiffness in her joints from too much sitting in bed.

She couldn’t help but think of Jack, though. Where was he? Carol had immediately given his name to the authorities, since Alice had been on her way to find him that night. But there’d been no record of Jack Chase, at least not Alice’s Jack. No apartment, no employment information, nothing. His cell phone was no longer in service. He’d completely disappeared. Alice might have thought he didn’t exist at all, except that Carol had met him. Though she felt certain Jack had nothing to do with her hospital stay, his absence was more than a little suspect. And a bit disappointing.

Lost in thought, and not paying close enough attention to where she was going, Alice walked right into someone. She stumbled, almost losing her balance, and the man she’d knocked against grabbed her elbow to steady her.

“I’m so sorry!” Alice blushed. She really needed to get her head together. No more worrying about Jack, at least not when she was walking. She blamed the sleeping pill for her inability to multitask.

“You okay then?” the man asked.

“Fine. Just…daydreaming I guess.”

Alice gave the stranger a once-over. He looked to be about her age, maybe a bit older, and his clothing was the first thing to catch her eye; a bright silk shirt with green paisleys on an orange background, and a green tie loosely knotted at his neck. There was a black fedora on his head, which barely seemed to contain the wild shock of brown hair that was sticking up all over.

He had a handsome face – strong chin covered in stubble, cupid’s bow lips, and deep brown eyes that at the moment seemed full of concern. Alice blushed again when she realized she was staring, but if the man noticed he didn’t say anything.

“You sure you’re okay?”

Alice noticed for the first time that he had an accent like Jack’s, British but not quite so clipped and formal. She liked the sound of it. It pulled at her somehow. Or maybe it was something in his face. He seemed familiar, though she was certain she’d never seen him before.

“I’m fine, really. Just not feeling quite myself today.” Understatement of the year, Alice thought to herself. “I really am sorry. I didn’t hurt you or anything, did I?”

And just for a fraction of a second, Alice thought she saw pain in his eyes, like she _had_ hurt him, but far deeper than any mere stumble on the sidewalk could account for. But the look was there and gone so quickly that she was sure she’d imagined it.

“Right as rain, yeah?” He smiled at her then, a brilliant smile that lit up his whole face, and Alice knew she needed to get back on her way; there was something dangerously attractive about this man and that was the last thing she needed right now.

“Okay, well, sorry again.” Alice started walking away, but the man fell in step beside her.

“Don’t suppose you’d care for a cup of tea?” he asked pleasantly, his hands in his pockets.

“No thank you,” Alice replied politely. She didn’t want to be rude, since she was the one who’d nearly knocked the guy over, but it was a little weird that he wasn’t just going about his business.

“Nice day for a walk. All sunshiny and everything.”

“Hmmm,” Alice said noncommittally. No sense encouraging this guy.

“There’s a great tea shop not far from here,” he continued, seemingly oblivious to her indifference. “They’ve got yummy little cakes and pasties.” 

Alice stopped walking. “Look, you seem like a nice guy, but I’m not going to have tea with you. I don’t even know you. So if you don’t mind…”

“My name’s David.” He stuck out his hand. “I’m the guy you almost plowed down in the street.”

Despite herself, Alice felt her lips twitch up in a half smile. She shook his hand.

“Alice. And if I apologize again for almost plowing you down in the street, will you leave me alone?”

David held her hand a bit longer than was necessary. Alice wished she could pinpoint what it was about him that seemed so familiar; it was niggling at the back of her mind but she couldn’t focus on it no matter how hard she tried.

“How about this. You have one cup of tea with me, and we part our way as friends.”

And quite suddenly Alice found herself actually wanting that cup of tea. She knew what her mother would say, but she was still out in public, able to call for help if her martial arts skills failed her. Why not have a cup of tea with a handsome stranger? It was better than going home and watching daytime television.

“One cup,” she said. David grinned again, revealing a dimple in his cheek. Not good. So not good.

*o*o*o*

“So then I flipped him right over my arm and laid him out on the mat. Big tough guy wasn’t so tough then!” Alice laughed at the memory. Countless guys had come to the dojo thinking they could show off and take her down; they all went home nursing bruises.

David laughed appreciatively as well. He was on his third cup of tea, Alice on her second, and she didn’t even want to count how many chocolate cream cakes she’d had. He was amazingly easy to talk to, and if they stayed much longer tea was going to turn into lunch.

“What does your boyfriend think of all that?” David asked nonchalantly. Alice wasn’t fooled.

“I’m between boyfriends right now,” she replied. “And don’t get any ideas. I’m taking a break from sexy accents right now; the last one didn’t work out so well for me.”

“Break your heart did he?” And though his tone was light, Alice had the sense that there was so much more going on below the surface. There was an occasional look, or gesture, or feeling that belied David’s easy-going nature. Dangerous, she reminded herself. Something about him was very dangerous.

“Nothing so dramatic. We were kind of broken up anyway, but he vanished on me. Dropped right off the planet, as far as I can tell.”

“Some people don’t realize what they’ve got till it’s gone,” David said. His brown eyes bored into her, and for the first time Alice heard a touch of desperation in his voice.

“You sound like the voice of experience,” she said. “You have a bad breakup too?”

David looked down at his tea cup, running his finger along the edge. “I had a girl, a really special girl. Thought I was doing the right thing and let her go. Turns out I was wrong.”

Alice felt a tug of sympathy for him. He honestly did seem like a sweet guy, though she knew next to nothing about him. She found her gaze lingering on his mouth, and she wondered what kind of a kisser he was.

“Dating sucks,” Alice sighed. David laughed and passed her another cream cake.

“It’s nice having someone to talk to,” he said.

“I know what you mean. I’ve been…too busy to really get out much. Lost touch with a lot of my friends. I’m trying to rectify that.”

“Friends are important,” David agreed. “I have one – Charlie – he drives me battier than a treacle pie, but he’s been a real help. Lots of advice.”

“Really good friends always know how to make you crazy,” Alice said with a grin.

“If we were friends, where’d you suggest we go for lunch?”

Alice shook her head. He was persistent, she’d give him that. But he was also someone she was enjoying spending time with. It’s not like she had to marry him or anything. Just a fun, random encounter with a stranger that she’d likely never see after today. Besides, cream cakes could only go so far.

“I know a place that makes great pizza,” she said. “If you don’t mind walking a couple of blocks.”

“Pizza! Brilliant!” David’s smile almost blinded her and she felt inordinately pleased that he was so excited. “I’ve been wanting to do pizza.”

Alice’s own grin faltered for a moment. She was overwhelmed with a sense of déjà vu, so strong it almost made her dizzy. She shook her head to clear it and noticed that David had gotten up and was leaving a tip on the table.

“You’d think you’d never had pizza before,” Alice said.

“I haven’t.”

Alice gaped at him. She was sure they had pizza in England. He’d really never had any? She was glad she’d made that choice, then. Introducing someone to pizza was an exciting prospect, especially Mama Louisa’s which was the best in the city.

“You’re going to love it,” Alice promised.

“I think you’re right,” David replied.

*o*o*o*

  
**Love Affair,** by kd lang

  
_skies without stars_   
_all the nights without you_   
_I watch the world_   
_from a room without a view_   
_for you left me_   
_with so few memories_   
_I could close my eyes_   
_and cling to_   
_just a fading photograph_   
_I'd sometimes sink to_

_all those smiles unexplored_  
 _all the words left unsaid_  
 _we strung our dreams_  
 _on an all too slender thread_  
 _for you left me_  
 _with so few memories_  
 _I could close my eyes_  
 _and cling to_  
 _just a half-remembered tune_  
 _I'd sometimes sing to_

_now I found what we lost_  
 _time was all all it cost_  
 _love's always there_  
 _knowing someday I would share_  
 _in a life-long love affair with you_

_love was always there_  
 _knowing someday I would share_  
 _in a life-long love affair with you_  
 _in a life-long love affair with you_

* * *

**Part Two**

Alice primped in the mirror. She and David had been seeing each other informally for a week, and tonight was their first date. For the occasion, she’d pinned her hair up at the sides and put a little curl into it. She’d even gone out and purchased a new dress; it was light blue, with cap sleeves and a damask pattern that had immediately caught her eye when she saw it in the store. It fell just above her knee and showed off her legs. That same shopping trip had also yielded the cutest little red boots, which she just had to have.

“Don’t you look pretty,” Carol said. 

“I feel pretty,” Alice responded with a smile. And it was true. This was the first time in a long time that a man had made her feel this way. Had she ever been this excited about going on a date? She was sure the answer to that was no.

“He seems nice,” Carol said hesitantly. She’d met David two days ago, and they’d both been very polite with each other.

“But?”

“But…you haven’t known him for long. And so soon after Jack…well, it just seems too soon.”

“Mom.” Alice turned from the mirror. “I’m going to be fine. I have my cell phone and some pepper spray. I know David and I only just met, but there’s something about him…I can’t explain it. He watches out for me.”

And that was certainly true. Whenever they walked, David always kept to the streetside and made Alice walk closer to the buildings, as if he was afraid she’d get run over by an errant taxi. He held doors for her and was quick to rush to her defense over the smallest slight.

“Just be careful,” Carol said. “No more hospital visits, okay?”

Alice gave her mother a kiss. “No more hospital visits.”

There was only one thing marring her happiness – the dream hadn’t gone away. It was always the same thing, with the mirrors and the monsters and the faces. And she always woke up gasping during the endless fall. Every time she thought she could go without the sleeping pills, the dream was there waiting for her. _That blind rabbit…_

Alice shook it off. She wouldn’t let it ruin her night with David. There’d been several more lunches after that first one, as well as a day spent at the Bronx Zoo and another at the Museum of Natural History. David was fascinated by everything, and going with him had been like her first time as well. It was refreshing and fun and she was so glad she’d bumped into him that day. This was the first time they were going out in the evening, and she wanted it to be special.

The doorbell rang and Alice grinned. She finished touching up her makeup and grabbed her purse.

“David’s here!” Carol called down the hall. Alice forced herself not to walk too fast or appear too eager. No matter what she was feeling, she’d learned that it was best not to give too much away too soon. 

“You look beautiful,” he breathed. “The blue dress…”

Alice was surprised and a bit concerned to see that he’d choked up. Were those actual tears in his eyes?

“David? You okay?”

With visible effort, he got himself under control and offered Alice a smile and a bouquet of baby blue carnations. She took them, surprised again. Most guys went with roses on the first date, but she’d never been particularly fond of them. But the carnations were just right – not too serious, and he’d chosen her favorite color.

“Thank you. I love them!” Alice carried the flowers back to the kitchen and put them in a vase. When she came back, she took a moment to look David over. He was dressed all in black, except for a deep red silk shirt and matching tie, knot hanging low as always.

“Hey,” she said. “We match.”

“What?”

“Our clothes. Your shirt matches my boots.” Alice pivoted to show off her new footwear. David nodded.

“They suit you.”

“So where are you kids off to?” Carol asked.

“Dinner, possibly some dancing. Then we’ll see, yeah?” 

Alice winked at her mother. “I’ll call if I’m going to be really late. Good night, Mom.”

“Well…have fun.”

*o*o*o*

It was far from a typical date, and Alice had been on a few. Instead of a fancy restaurant, David took her to a dive of a diner that coincidentally had the best burgers she’d ever tasted, and milkshakes to die for.

“I can’t remember the last time I had a milkshake,” Alice said happily. She took another suck on her straw. “Man, these are good.”

“A lucky find, this,” David said. His burger was piled high with crispy bacon. “They make good waffles, too.”

Alice wondered if that was some kind of come-on, but decided it wasn’t. David hadn’t pulled that kind of thing with her so far, and she hoped he didn’t ever start. It was nice being able to take him at face value.

“So where to after this?” she asked.

“I thought we could take one of those carriages round the park,” David said.

Alice had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. A carriage ride? Seriously? It was so hokey. But that look was in his eye again, that desperate, sad look, and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Besides, she told herself, it would be nice. Cuddled up in the back of the carriage, just the two of them. Maybe she’d finally get to see what kind of a kisser he was. 

“That sounds nice.”

“I really like horses,” David said. 

That surprised Alice. “Really? You don’t look the type.”

“Yeah, it came as a surprise to me too.” David popped a french fry into this mouth. “There was this lovely old girl, Guinevere…had one of the best rides of my life on her.”

“Really?”

“She belongs to my friend Charlie. I told you about him.”

He had indeed. Alice wished she could meet this friend Charlie, who sounded eccentric in the extreme. David said he was an inventor, and big into the whole knight thing; Alice assumed that meant he trolled Renaissance festivals or something. Again, something that seemed not to fit David at all. He certainly was an interesting character study.

“You’re a complex guy,” Alice remarked. David smirked.

“You have no idea.”

*o*o*o*

The carriage ride was much better than Alice had thought it would be. David had chatted up the driver first, and talked to the horse; the driver was Josh and the horse was Firefly. Once they were actually in the carriage and had started their circuit around the park, David tentatively put his arm around Alice.

“Are you putting the moves on me?” she teased. But when David started to remove his arm, Alice snuggled up next to him. She could feel him relax a bit, and his hand came down to cup her shoulder.

“You comfy?” he asked.

Alice didn’t respond. Again, there was déjà vu swirling dizzily through her head. She wondered if maybe she should see her doctor about it; it was happening a lot lately.

“Alice?”

“Sorry. I’m okay.” Alice took a deep breath and let it out. “This is actually really nice.”

“Can’t beat a beautiful night with a beautiful girl,” David said with a grin. Alice felt her pulse speed up when she looked at his face and saw the longing there. 

“Where I come from, sometimes there’s kissing on the first date,” he said, sounding uncertain.

“That happens here too,” Alice whispered. She wanted nothing more than to have his mouth on hers, to have his arms around her. This was much faster than she usually moved with a man, but David just had that pull, that special something that attracted her like nothing else ever had.

“Do you think it’d be all right…” he started to say, but Alice couldn’t wait anymore. She tugged his head down and pressed her lips to his. She breathed in his scent – spicy and sweet – and felt her head spin in an entirely different way. And then he deepened the kiss, pulled her tightly against him, and she was lost.

_Alice ran through the mirror maze, faces leering out at her from all sides. The noise was almost unbearable – honking and screeching and cackling and screaming. And then she saw the exit sign, and knew there was no way to get to it. Knew there was only frustration. But she couldn’t give up._

_“Someone help me!” she screamed. There was no-one there, there was never anyone there. She rested her head against the mirror, fighting back tears._

_“Please help me,” she whispered. And then he was back, the man on the other side of the mirror, the one by the door. He held out his hand to her, as he always did._

_“I’m afraid I’ll fall.”_

_The man didn’t answer, didn’t move, just held out his hand. Alice reached for it, and her hand went through the mirror like it was water. Only there was no falling this time, no terrifying plummet that surely had to end in death. The man in the mirror took her hand and pulled her all the way through. She was finally close enough to see his face, though his head was turned to the side._

_“Please,” Alice said again. She put her free hand on his cheek and turned his head so she could see him. She found herself staring into a pair of chocolate brown eyes and the shock of recognition was as powerful as a lightening bolt._

_Every mirror in the maze shattered into a thousand pieces._

“Hatter!” Alice pulled back from the kiss, her eyes wide and her hands clutching his black jacket so tightly that her knuckles were white. A million things were running through her head. Wonderland. She remembered Wonderland. And Dodo, the Queen of Hearts, Jack, Duchess, Charlie…the names and faces and places flashed by.

“Alice?” Hatter cupped her face in his hands and looked into her eyes, the longing she’d seen before intensified. “Alice?”

“The blind rabbit…it was March! They were all there. Daddy. I packed away his things because I knew, somehow I knew. But how? I can’t remember that part.” Alice could hear the frantic quality in her voice but she couldn’t stop it. She tightened her grip on Hatter. “You’re here. How are you here?”

Hatter crushed her against his chest and buried his face in her hair. “Finally,” he said over and over again.

Alice hugged him back, let him have a moment even though her head was aching with the want of answers. Firefly, unaware of the drama happening in the carriage, plodded steadily onward, and the regular clip-clop of his hooves helped to calm her down a bit.

“Jack,” Hatter said finally. “He had you dosed when you went through the Looking Glass. Thought it would be for the best. He thought you’d not want to remember everything that happened.”

“Jack did this to me?” Alice asked, incredulous. “My mother was right.”

“He said you’d had a bad reaction. Some Oysters were too sensitive to the Teas, seems you’re one of them.”

“I was in the hospital for four days,” Alice said between gritted teeth. “They poked and prodded at me to figure out what was wrong. No wonder they didn’t find anything. Bastard.”

“I should’ve come with you,” Hatter said. He stroked her hair. “Should’ve been there to protect you from that.”

Alice was about to reply that he’d have probably been dosed too when she thought of something else. Something much more important that erased all of the anger she was feeling – again! – towards Jack.

“You came back for me, even though I didn’t remember you.” She looked up at him, her chest tightening with emotion. “You started over. Why did you do that?”

“It was wrong, letting you leave alone. I couldn’t…it was too hard, not being with you. Even after Jack told me what he’d done. I hoped maybe you could like me…without all the heroics.”

Alice blinked away the tears that suddenly flooded her eyes. “Well, the heroics caught my attention. But it was David that caught my heart.”

There was more kissing then, and Alice knew her other questions could wait. She was right where she wanted to be, and she would never forget how it felt to know the lengths Hatter would go to just to be with her.

“I missed you,” she whispered. And though she’d seen him every day for the last week, it was true. Because she’d only been seeing one side of him, and now she had the whole.

“Is your name really David?”

Hatter chuckled. “Yep,” he said, popping the P.

Alice giggled. “This has been one heck of a first date, Hatter.”

“Unforgettable?” he teased.

She kissed him again. “Completely.”

Alice didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, though she sincerely hoped more kissing would be involved. One thing she knew for sure was that she was meant to be with Hatter; there was no way she could question her feelings for him, or his for her. They had a lot to catch up on.

“You know, Charlie about gave me a thrashing when I didn’t go after you right away,” Hatter said, his voice still thick with emotion. Alice grinned.

“He did? And what about the thrashing you gave Jack?” Because she was suddenly certain that had happened. Particularly since she knew how Hatter felt about Jack. Hatter chuckled.

“You want to hear the bloody details, you’ll have to wait. I’ll not have him spoil my first date.”

“Am I your special girl?” Alice whispered against his mouth.

“My one and only,” Hatter replied, and he kissed her again.

The other thing Alice knew for sure was that she was done with the sleeping pills. The bad dreams were finally over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** You can blame smiles2go for there being two songs in this fic. I was all set to use Love Affair, and then she suggested Fix You. They were both so good, I couldn’t decide which to use. So I just used both, LOL! Take that, indecisiveness!


	60. Honestly Okay

  
**Honestly Okay,** by Dido

  
_I just want to feel_   
_Safe in my own skin_   
_I just want to be_   
_Happy again_

_I just want to feel_   
_Deep in my own world_   
_But I’m so lonely I don’t even want_   
_To be with myself anymore_

_On a different day_   
_If I was safe in my own skin_   
_Then I wouldn’t feel lost_   
_And so frightened_

_But this is today_   
_And I’m lost in my own skin_   
_And I’m so lonely I don’t even want_   
_To be with myself anymore_

_I just want to feel_   
_Safe in my own skin_   
_I just want to be_   
_Happy again_   


* * *

Alice sat on the windowsill, her back against the wire mesh that protected the glass. It was sunny outside, and green. Sometimes they let her out in the garden, so she could sit in the grass. That was only on the good days, the green days. On the gray days she stayed in her room, and everything felt so heavy she was afraid she’d be crushed.

She turned back to her drawing pad, sketching in more detail. Today was Thursday, which meant it was hat day. She always drew hats on Thursdays. Top hats, ball caps, fedoras – she never knew what kind was going to come out of her pencil. Some of the orderlies told Alice she was a good artist, and they would ask her to draw them something, but they didn’t understand about the days. She could only draw hats on Thursdays.

“Alice,” Nurse Helen said, quietly standing by the window. “It’s time to see Dr. Brant.”

She closed her pad and tucked the pencil inside the spiral binding. She took care of her pencils; someone would take them if she didn’t remember to put them away. Alice slid off the sill, her slippered feet making a dull thwacking sound on the linoleum. She hated the linoleum, it was so impersonal. Not like wood, which could be warm and friendly, or carpet with its pleasant fuzziness.

“Is my mother here?” Alice asked, as she always did. The answer was almost always no, but she asked anyway. The last time her mother had been here was on a Sunday, and Sundays were mushroom days; there’d been a lot of mushroom days since the last visit.

“Not today, Alice,” Nurse Helen said in her quiet voice. Alice only nodded. Her mother didn’t understand about the days either, or the dreams.

They walked down a short hall, bland in its pale green paint and gray linoleum. If Alice had paint, she would add more color. Reds and blues. Purple. On purple days she’d wrap herself in a blanket and sit on the floor and imagine she was talking to a knight. She knew it was only pretend.

Dr. Brant’s office was bright and sunny, the furniture all smooth and light. Alice sat in the chair by the desk and clutched her drawing pad to her chest. Sometimes he asked to see it, but she didn’t like to share her pictures with him. He saw too much, and at the same time he saw nothing. It was very frustrating.

“How are you today, Alice?” he asked. He was pleasant enough, middle-aged with graying brown hair and a benevolent smile. Alice thought you could tell a lot about someone from their smile.

“It’s a green day,” she replied.

“Have you been out to the garden yet?”

“After lunch. They said after lunch.” On green days they almost always made her wait, forced her to eat before she could go. Alice didn’t care for food. But she’d gotten very good at waiting.

“Have you thought more about what we discussed last time?” Dr. Brant asked. Alice only shrugged and held the pad tighter.

“Alice. Don’t you want to go home?”

“I make her sad,” Alice whispered. She wished she could hide behind her hair, like she used to. Wished she hadn’t cut it all off on her black day, making it so short and spiky and ugly. They were very careful of the black days after that, and she never got to use the scissors anymore.

“Why do you make her sad?” Dr. Brant prompted.

“She doesn’t understand.” Alice fought back tears. Her mother always made her cry. “She doesn’t believe me.”

“About Wonderland?”

Alice flinched. She didn’t like that name, or the way Dr. Brant said it. In her mind she heard someone else saying it, someone who didn’t sound a thing like Dr. Brant.

“Alice?”

“It’s not like the movie,” she murmured. “Nothing like it at all. It’s all gone sideways.”

She’d gone sideways too. Something had gone wrong in her head. And her mother hadn’t believed her, not one word. Told her she was sick, that she’d dreamed it all. Remembering it made her hands shake.

“You can draw if you like,” Dr. Brant said.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Alice opened her pad to the unfinished hat and began sketching. It calmed her. Details, it was all in the details. Dr. Brant understood about the days, knew she had to draw hats on Thursdays. This one was a marching band hat, with a big feather in the front. She’d never drawn one of those before.

“You need to write in your journal, Alice.”

“That’s for brown days.”

“It needs to be for every day. It’s important to get the words down.”

“The words don’t help,” Alice said. She added shading to the feather. “No one believes them.”

“No one else _needs_ to believe them,” Dr. Brant said. “Only you. And once you get them all out, I believe you’ll feel better.”

Alice made a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat. Dr. Brant sighed. He did that sometimes.

“Okay, Alice. It’s almost lunchtime. You eat like a good girl and you can go outside.”

Alice nodded, and closed the pad once more, carefully tucking away the pencil. She stood and walked out of the office without saying anything, following the corridor back to the day room.

“Are you ready for lunch?” Nurse Helen asked. Alice nodded, and got in line with the others. Mrs. Bailey had her robe on backwards again.

Lunch today was chicken and biscuits, and Alice didn’t like the look of it sitting there all white and gelatinous. Carl hadn’t given her much, but even one small bowl full seemed too much. She poked at it with her spoon, uncovering diced carrots.

“You have to eat or you can’t go outside,” Carl said. “You know the rules.”

Alice nodded. Yes, she knew the rules. She knew all of them, and not just the hospital rules. She knew the rule of days, and the rule of colors. She knew the rule about sleeping with your back to the wall, and never stepping on a crack. She knew the rule about keeping Wonderland a secret, so that people didn’t look at you funny and shake their heads.

“Come on, Alice,” Carl said. “It’s really nice out today.”

Alice took a bite and managed not to gag, though it was a close thing. She hastily took a sip of her milk. It took her nearly twenty-five minutes, but she finally managed to choke it all down, though it made her stomach feel queasy. Carl patted her on the back, smiling.

“There’s a good girl.”

Finally, it was time to go to the garden. Alice ran right to her spot next to the rose bushes and lay down in the grass. It was nice and cool against her back, while her front soaked up the heat of the sun. She closed her eyes and ran her hands through the grass. She felt most like herself out here.

When her front got too hot, Alice rolled over onto her stomach. She opened the pad and flipped to the back. Her secret picture was there. She’d drawn it a lot of Thursdays ago, even though Thursday wasn’t a people day. But it didn’t matter, because this one wore a hat and that made it okay. Still, she’d kept the drawing very tiny, so it wouldn’t draw attention.

She didn’t dare say his name, just outlined the drawing with one fingernail. Then she lay her head down on the pad and closed her eyes again. She could see him so clearly in her mind’s eye; how could he be a hallucination? But surely he must be, because Dr. Brant and her mother said so. They said she hadn’t gone anywhere, had only just left her house for an hour.

“Alice,” Nurse Helen said. Alice startled awake, and sat up in the grass rubbing her eyes.

“You have a visitor.”

“Is it my mother? Because it isn’t Sunday.” Alice smoothed her choppy hair down as best she could.

“No, it’s not your mother. It’s your cousin, David.”

Nurse Helen walked back to the garden gate, and Alice could see her talking to a man. She tried to remember if she had a cousin named David, and hugged her knees to her chest when she couldn’t. 

The man was coming closer now and Alice studied him warily. He was a bright splash of color, even here in the garden amongst the flowers. His shirt was bright blue, his loosely knotted tie yellow as a daffodil. But his face…there was something about his face.

He stopped when he was about two feet from her, his hands shoved in the pockets of his brown leather jacket. He looked down at her, and his face seemed sad. Alice smiled when she saw the hat on his head, so appropriate for a Thursday. She reached for her pad so she could draw it.

“Hello, Alice,” he said. 

Her hand froze partway to the pad. She looked at him again, fearfully this time. His eyes, they were so brown, like pools of melted chocolate. And they glittered like diamonds in the sunshine. But his voice…that voice. It was the voice she sometimes heard in her head, and in her dreams.

“You’re not my cousin,” Alice said. She grabbed the notepad and scuttled backwards like a crab until the big maple tree stopped her.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” the man said. “I won’t hurt you.”

Alice wrinkled some of the pages as she hurriedly flipped through the pad, searching for one picture. And she found it, right where it always was. That tiny picture of the man in the hat. She held it up for him to see.

“That’s you,” she said. Her heart was pounding in her chest. No one had believed her, but here he was.

The man squatted down in the grass, keeping his distance.

“That’s me, yeah.”

“Your name’s not David,” Alice said accusingly. The man smiled, but it was a sad smile.

“It is, actually. You never knew that. Do you remember my other name?”

Alice clapped her hand over her mouth. No. No, she wouldn’t say it. Hadn’t said it for months and months. Not even on her black days, when she raged and screamed, or on her white days where she stayed in bed and dreamed. Names had power, everyone knew that. But she hadn’t said his name, so how was it he was conjured up here looking so solid and real?

“Alice.” He reached out, slowly, and pushed her hand down.

“Hatter,” Alice whispered. “Your name is Hatter.”

His glittering, chocolatey eyes released two tears and Alice watched them track down his cheeks. She hadn’t meant to make him cry, and out of guilt she thrust the pad at him. He took it from her, his thumb stroking over the back of her hand for an instant and setting it tingling.

“Did you draw these?” he asked, sitting down across from her. “I didn’t know you could draw.”

“It’s hat day,” Alice explained. “Thursdays are hat days.”

She moved just a bit, wanting to look at the pictures with him, even though she knew them all so well. He obliged by tilting the pad so she could see better. 

“Wednesdays must be cat days.” He carefully examined every drawing, commenting on how good they were. All too soon he’d reached the end. He closed the pad and handed it back to her.

“Why are you here, Alice?”

“I had a dream about a place that’s not real. It felt real, though. Tasted real. When you don’t know what’s real they have to put you away, so you don’t hurt yourself. That’s what my mother said.” Alice patted self-consciously at her hair. “Something’s broken in my head. The doctors don’t know why.”

“I know why,” the man said quietly. “And I can help you. Do you want me to help you, Alice?”

“There’s no medicine for that,” Alice said with a shake of her head. “I’ve been on them all. But the dreams don’t go away.”

“Wonderland is real, Alice. It’s a real place, and you were there.”

Alice shook her head, more forcefully this time. But inside, deep inside, she felt a glow. Someone believed her. Finally, someone believed her.

“Yes.” The man took her hand and twined his fingers with hers. “If you come with me, I can help you. They can reverse the effects of the Tea.”

“I don’t drink tea,” Alice said. But she remembered something that tasted terrible, bitter and vile.

“Come with me,” he said again, pleading. “I’ve missed you…I can’t…”

“Where?” Alice asked before he could cry again.

“Come home with me. To Wonderland.”

“I’m scared to go back there,” Alice said, her voice small.

“I’ll take care of you,” the man said softly. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“I want to be better,” Alice said. “You can make me better?”

“I can.”

“How will we get there?”

“The mirror, in your recreation room. It’s been activated as a Looking Glass, just for you.” He got to his feet and pulled her up with him. “Do you know the way?”

“Of course I do.” Hands still wrapped together, Alice took the lead. She kept her pad tightly clutched under her other arm. Nurse Helen was sitting on a bench next to the gate, keeping an eye on things, and she got to her feet when Alice drew closer.

“Is everything alright, Alice?”

“Could I show my…cousin around?” Alice asked. “Please?”

“Are you sure? I know how much you like your green days.”

“Yes, please.”

Nurse Helen opened the gate and gestured them through. Halfway up the path was Tim, who made sure Alice got back inside the hospital. All the while, she kept tight hold of the man’s hand. It wouldn’t do to lose him, not now, not when someone finally believed her.

“Don’t step on the cracks!” she admonished him as she took mincing steps down the hall.

“I won’t,” he promised. There was sincerity in his voice, and Alice looked back to see that he was avoiding the cracks just as she was. _Hatter_. Alice stopped in the middle of the hall and studied his face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“You’re Hatter. You really are.”

“I am.”

Alice grinned, and started walking again. This was becoming a blue day; she couldn’t remember the last time she felt so light and happy. Blue days were rare days.

“Here it is.” Alice stopped outside the door. On the other side was the room where they did arts and crafts, and sometimes sang songs while Nurse Amy played the piano. It was empty now, but would be full in another hour for a personal hygiene refresher; Alice never needed those, thankfully.

Hatter pushed the door open and pulled her inside. There was a big mirror along one wall, which they used for the exercise classes. Alice liked those; it was nice to move around sometimes, especially on yellow days. She used to be able to throw grown men over her shoulder, but now she just tried to follow along in the beginner aerobics class.

Alice walked to the mirror. She’d checked them all, every single mirror in the hospital, but that’s all they were – just mirrors. But today, when she touched her finger to the glass it rippled like water and she stepped back with a gasp. Hatter put his hands on her shoulders.

“It’s alright, Alice. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

“I know,” Alice replied. And she did know. In her dreams, he’d never been frightening. In her dreams, he was always by her side.

“I looked for you. So long.” Hatter’s voice broke and he looked away.

“Are you my friend?” she asked him now, searching his face for a lie.

“I like to think we were, once. I’d like to be your friend again.”

“I don’t have many friends.” Alice reached up her hand and tentatively laid it on his cheek, giggling a bit as the stubble there tickled her palm. Hatter closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.

“I don’t either.”

Yes, it was definitely a blue day now.

“Can we go?” she asked, turning back to the mirror.

“Hold my hand, Alice, and don’t let go. We’ll do it together.”

“Okay.” Alice curled her fingers up around Hatter’s, holding on as tight as she could. She remembered the swirly, scary tunnel. But she wasn’t scared this time.

“Do you trust me?” Hatter asked her, his free hand skimming lightly through her short hair.

“Yes.”

He kissed the tip of her nose, then pulled her tightly against him. Together, they stepped through the mirror. It rippled wildly before settling down to plain mirror glass once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** I wrote this fic in a solid hour and a half block, finishing up at 1:30am with my eyes half closed. Because clearly Alice isn't the only crazy one. LOL!


	61. On the Outside

  
**On the Outside,** by Sheryl Crow

  
_I stood close enough to hear you say_   
_"Do as the beautiful ones do"_   
_Tore out my picture from its frame_   
_I just wanted to be one of you_

_Standing on the outside_   
_Lookin'_   
_Funny how you see the truth_   
_But the feeling does come back_   
_To you_

_She's crazy as anyone can be_   
_That's what they say_   
_They say of me_   
_Wanting love can make one do_   
_Isn't my fault_   
_Heredity_

_Standing on the outside_   
_Lookin'_   
_State of grace_   
_State of sin_   
_Standing on the outside_   
_Lookin'_   
_Lookin'_   
_I cannot feel a single thing_   
_But the feeling does come back_   
_Again_

_This morning feels like yesterday_   
_Yesterday follows me around_   
_Where do you go when no one cares_   
_Six feet under_   
_Underground_

_Standing on the outside_   
_Lookin'_   
_Lookin'_   
_State of grace_   
_State of sin_   
_Standing on the outside_   
_Lookin'_   
_Lookin'_   
_I cannot feel a single thing_   
_But the feeling will come back_   
_Again_   


* * *

When Hatter killed March and busted out of the Truth Room, he’d had only one objective – find Alice and get them both the hell out of the Casino. Not that he’d had the slightest idea where she might be, though he steadfastly refused to entertain the idea that the Queen had already had her beheaded; had that been the case March would surely have gloated over it.

What Hatter hadn’t expected was to run into agents of the Resistance as he crept through the halls of the Casino. One he recognized, the other he didn’t, but they both seemed to know him on sight.

“Hatter! You look terrible!”

“What are you doing here?” Hatter asked, his eyes constantly darting about looking for danger.

“Gryffon sent us to rescue the Alice,” said the older one, Hawk. “When he heard she’d been captured and Caterpillar had been compromised.”

“Do you know where she is?”

“No,” the other agent said, shaking his head. “We have agents looking on almost every floor.”

“You need to get out of there, Hatter,” Hawk said.

“Not without Alice.”

Before Hawk could protest, the floor under their feet began to tremble and shake. Hawk’s partner pressed himself against a wall, eyes wide.

“Bloody hell,” Hawk hissed. “Out! Now!”

He grabbed hold of Hatter’s arm and forcibly dragged him along. Hatter tried twisting free, even as chunks of the ceiling began to fall, but the other man had an iron grip.

“Alice!” he shouted, even though he knew he’d never be heard over the rising din that would be the death knell of the Casino. Already there was a crush of people at the doors, trying to get out as quickly as possible. Hawk assessed the crowd, then shoved Hatter at a huge plate glass window.

“Break it!”

Hatter flexed his right hand, then drew it back and let it fly, shattering the glass; there wasn’t more than a thin scratch on his hand. Hawk shoved him through the opening and followed along behind. Once again, Hatter found himself being dragged along like a sack of onions. He could hear people screaming, hear the Casino itself groaning and cracking.

While scores of Diamonds, Spades and Suits ran off down a path through the trees, Hawk pulled Hatter in the opposite direction, through some scrubby bushes. The ground under their feet vibrated and Hatter risked a look behind just in time to see the Casino collapse in a gout of fire and smoke. He stopped, and not even Hawk could get him moving again.

“Alice!”

“I’m sure they found her,” Hawk said. “Come on!”

“No. I promised. I promised I’d take care of her.” Before Hawk could stop him, Hatter took off at a run, in the direction the others had gone. He ignored the pain in his ribs and the fear that knotted his stomach, and just ran.

By the time he got to the clearing, the Queen was being led away by Suits and Jack was holding the Stone of Wonderland aloft to much cheering. There were Oysters everywhere, not to mention the staff of the Casino. Hatter made his way to Jack.

“Where is she?” he demanded, grabbing Jack by the collar of his coat. “Where’s Alice?”

A phalanx of Suits was quickly on hand, pulling Hatter back and restraining him. Jack matched him glare for glare.

“What are _you_ doing here?”

“Where’s Alice?”

Jack shrugged, and Hatter had never wanted to pound his face in more. It was clear that the wanker hadn’t spared her a single thought as the Casino was coming down.

“Mother sent her to the Game Room.”

Hatter felt the blood drain from his face. They had put his Alice on the Game Room floor? To be harvested?

“Where. Is. She. Now?” he asked between clenched teeth.

With a world weary sigh, Jack cast an eye around the clearing, and then gestured to a large man in a tan leather jumpsuit.

“Walrus!”

As the man got closer, Hatter could see he was injured; he was limping heavily and had his hand clapped to the side of his head, seemingly trying to stem the flow of blood from some kind of wound.

“Your Highness?”

“My mother sent you the Oyster called Alice. What was done to her?”

Walrus’ eyes, already a bit unfocused, became even more so. “We’d never seen such Pearls,” he said dreamily. “So big. So bright. Carpenter couldn’t help but take them all.”

“All?” Hatter echoed weakly, feeling sick.

“But it turned against us. The machines. Carpenter…he didn’t make it.”

“We’ve lost Carpenter?” Jack cursed. “That’s a blow.”

“I need to find Alice,” Hatter said, though he was now feeling more and more as if that were a lost cause. Jack nodded at the Suits, who released him so suddenly he almost fell.

“She’s either here or she never made it out of the Casino,” Jack said. “If she’s here you’re welcome to her. She’s served her purpose.” 

It took a great amount of self restraint to keep from hitting Jack, and Hatter just barely managed it. He turned away and headed toward the cluster of Oysters. They shied away from him fearfully, so he put his hands up in a placating gesture.

“I’m looking for an Oyster. Alice. She was wearing a blue dress and a purple coat.”

The Oysters shifted, looking at each other, and then a man wearing some type of uniform came forward.

“We took her with us,” he said. “She’s there.”

Hatter looked in the direction the man pointed and saw his Alice, seemingly unscathed and sitting on a tree stump. The coat was gone and her hair was tangled, but Hatter thought she’d never looked so beautiful.

“Alice!” He ran to her, and dropped to his knees, pulling her into a hug. “You scared me!”

It was like hugging a block of wood. Hatter pulled back. Alice still had her arms at her sides, and was staring off into space; there was no recognition on her face at all, no light in her blue eyes.

“Alice?”

The Oyster in the uniform came over and put his hand on Hatter’s shoulder. “We all…woke up. Before that building fell. But not her. Whatever they did to her…she’s just gone.”

Hatter shrugged him off and gave Alice a shake. “Alice! It’s me. It’s Hatter.”

Nothing. He was panicking now, and acted without thinking. With a sharp crack, he smacked her right across the face. Alice’s head rocked back, but there was no other reaction save a red mark on her cheek. Hatter was instantly remorseful and gathered her to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

The Ten of Clubs chose that moment to intrude, clearing his throat until he got Hatter’s attention.

“What?” he snapped.

Ten took a step back. “Um…Jack wanted me to let you know that he’s making arrangements to send the Oysters home. If you want to leave Alice with the others.”

“Tell Jack to go stuff himself,” Hatter replied. He got to his feet and ran one hand over Alice’s hair, smoothing it. “She’ll stay with me until she’s better.”

The helpful Oyster was still standing by. “She’ll walk, but you’ll have to lead her.”

To demonstrate, he took hold of Alice’s hand and pulled her up. She followed him as he took a couple of steps, and stopped when he stopped. Hatter’s heart hurt just to watch. This wasn’t his Alice, his fierce Oyster; this was an empty shell. He wasn’t about to go back on his promise, though.

“Thank you,” he said to the Oyster.

“Good luck to you.”

*o*o*o*

They were nearly back to Hatter’s flat, one ledge up from the Tea Shop. Alice had been silent and obedient all the while, following Hatter where he led her. She showed no fear of the great heights, no reaction to the wind or the light rain that had begun to fall; Hatter draped his brown leather jacket over her shoulders.

“We’re almost there, Alice. You must be hungry; seems days since we had Charlie’s borogove.” Hatter didn’t know why he kept up chattering, when only silence was his reply. He couldn’t seem to stop himself.

“One more ladder, Alice.” Hatter had found the best way to work those was to get her set up to climb and then kind of nudge her up. After that she’d do the rest of the work, like some kind of wind-up doll, and wait at the top for Hatter. It was unsettling.

“This part you need to keep under your hat, yeah?” Hatter said with a forced chuckle. “Only Dormie knows where I live.”

Casting a careful eye along the ledge, Hatter swung out a wooden frame that had vines growing over it in a wild mass. Behind it was a blank wall that concealed a hidden door. He pulled Alice inside and shut the second door, then pulled a thin length of rope that would bring the vines flush with the wall again.

“Crafty, right? Took me a long time to work that out.” Hatter went through, turning on the oil lamps; electricity could be traced. Once he had a fair amount of light in the flat, he went back to collect Alice from where she still stood by the door. He led her through the small living area, which was full of books, through the narrow kitchen, and into the bedroom.

“Let’s get you out of those wet clothes. Um…” Hatter had no ulterior motives, but at once felt uncomfortable. Giving Alice clothes to change into was one thing, but undressing and dressing her was something else entirely. Still, what choice did he have?

He found there was very little sexy about taking off Alice’s dress, when she only stood there impassively. He was feeling too awkward to fully appreciate her powder blue lace scanties, hastily outfitting her in a pair of silk lounge pants and a black t-shirt.

“There, isn’t that better? Now sit down here on the bed and I’ll comb the tangles out of your hair.”

Hatter tapped her on the shoulder and Alice sat on the edge of the bed, her hands in her lap. Hatter ducked into the bathroom and returned with his comb. He sat behind her and started working the snarls out of her long brown hair.

“Once we get you sorted, I’ll find us something to eat. It won’t be borogove, but I don’t guess you’ll mind.” He tugged gently at a knot. “You’ve got nice hair. So long and shiny.”

Hatter blushed, and decided he’d done quite enough talking for the moment. He finished brushing out Alice’s hair and tied it back with the drawstring from an old pair of pants. He helped Alice up and led her to the kitchen, sitting her in one of the two chairs at the small wooden table.

“I know it’s not much, but I don’t do much entertaining.” Hatter poked around in his cupboards and came up with a slightly dusty can of chicken soup. “Here we go.”

More hunting around for the can opener, and then the soup was simmering in a small pot on the stove. He poured Alice some water from a large plastic jug, apologizing for it being room temperature, and then set about filling two bowls with soup.

Getting Alice to eat posed another challenge. When Hatter placed the spoon in her hand she would hold it, but not automatically lift it to her mouth. He ended up having to feed her like a small child, one spoonful at a time. She’d chew exactly five times and swallow, and Hatter would dab any excess from her lips with a napkin. When he got to his own soup, it was cold. He ate it anyway.

By the time that small meal was finished, Hatter was exhausted and more than ready for bed. He nearly forgot that Alice probably had to use the bathroom, which was another task that he found horribly embarrassing. Once it was over, and he had her tucked into his bed, he took off his own shirt and assessed the damage done to him in the Truth Room.

Hatter’s ribs were mottled with bruises and burns and he hissed as he touched them. Nothing he couldn’t live with, though, and he reached into his medicine cabinet for a tube of ointment that would take some of the pain away. He was more than ready for some sleep; the last few days had been crazy and demanding, and he desperately needed to rest.

After turning off all the lamps save one, Hatter climbed into bed beside Alice. He’d wished for just such a moment, but never imagined it would be like this. Alice lay beside him, perfectly still and silent, eyes open but unseeing.

“Close your eyes, love,” Hatter whispered. She did. “Go to sleep. You’re safe here with me.”

Tired as he was, though, Hatter found it hard to fall asleep. He listened to Alice’s steady breaths beside him, closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind, but nothing seemed to work, not even the deep fatigue in his bones. He wasn’t able to slip into sleep until he slid right next to Alice and put his arm around her waist.

*o*o*o*

The following morning was the previous evening in reverse. Taking Alice to the bathroom was no less mortifying, but he found that getting her dressed was a bit easier. Not that he had anything particularly nice to put her into, besides another pair of lounge pants and an old shirt.

“I’ll take you to see a friend of mine,” Hatter said as he fed Alice some oatmeal. “Might be he could help you.”

Alice just chewed and swallowed.

Once he’d checked and double checked outside surveillance, Hatter opened the doors and led Alice back out onto the ledge. He kept a firm grip on her hand as they went, keeping up a constant flow of chatter that Alice never responded to. By the time they reached the Hospital of Dreams, Hatter’s throat was dry and he wished more than anything that Alice would just squeeze his hand.

The lobby was full of people, some of them wounded when the Casino came down and others Tea Heads who were already starting to go through withdrawal. Hatter hastily put Alice’s arms through the sleeves of his leather jacket, hiding her Glow just in case. Tugging her along, he approached the harried looking receptionist.

“I need to see Dr. Bee. Now.”

“Sit down and wait,” the receptionist said without looking up. She tapped impatiently at the keypad on a small metal box that had a tiny screen on it.

“Jolie, I need to see him _now_.”

The receptionist looked up, surprised. “Hatter! Hang on.” She tapped more on the keypad.

“You look pretty busy,” he remarked, drumming his fingers on the desk.

“You have _no_ idea. The Tea Heads are the worst; they’ve broken five chairs already.” Jolie consulted the little screen. “Head right up, Hatter. Dr. Bee is with someone now, but he’ll be free soon.”

“You’re the greatest, Jolie. Thanks.”

Hatter led Alice up six flights of stairs and down an innocuous hallway, passing only a nurse as they went. He didn’t bother explaining that he knew Dr. Bee through his work with the Resistance, that sometimes he would trade for medicines or information. Alice wouldn’t have cared anyway.

When they arrived at the right door, Hatter knocked on it before pushing right through. Dr. Bee merely looked up and smiled, then went back to his patient; a woman with a bandaged arm and a gash across her forehead.

“Take care of that now, yes yes. Come back in four days so I can check you again.” The doctor patted the woman on the shoulder and sent her on her way. She gave Hatter and Alice a curious stare as she passed them on her way out the door.

The office was small, containing only an exam table, a desk, a sink, and several stacked cupboards adorned with large padlocks. The walls were painted a very pale green, the floors set with white tiles.

“Hatter, my boy! What brings you round?” Dr. Bee ran a finger over his pencil-thin moustache, grinning. “Who’s your friend?”

“Dr. Bee, this is Alice.”

“Ah! The Alice!” Dr. Bee got right in her face, gazing into her eyes. “My, my. They’ve done a number on you, then.”

“Can you help her?” Hatter asked hopefully. He didn’t want to get his expectations up too high, but he’d seen tough cases come out of the Hospital cured, completely cured.

“Never seen such a severe case. Have her sit up here.” Dr. Bee gestured to the exam table.

Hatter helped Alice get situated, pulled off the coat, and stood beside her holding her hand. He didn’t know if she was even aware of his presence, but he felt better being there.

Dr. Bee conducted a cursory physical examination, humming to himself as he did so.

“Yes, yes. Perfect physical health.” He tapped a tongue depressor against his chin. “But empty. Very, very empty.”

“What can be done?” Hatter asked.

Dr. Bee leaned against his desk. “Yes, well. We’ve had limited success in reintroducing Pearls that have been taken.”

“Limited success?”

“Yes, yes. Some Oysters are not suited for the procedure – their bodies reject any Pearls not their own. And again, I’ve never seen an Oyster so completely husked.”

“Is it dangerous?” Hatter tightened his grip on Alice’s hand. He didn’t want to hurt her; she’d been through enough already.

“There’s a measure of risk involved, yes, yes.” Dr. Bee tossed the tongue depressor in the trash bin. “I can’t make you any guarantees, Hatter.”

Hatter rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted his Alice back, but he was fearful of causing her any more harm.

“We can start with a very low dose,” Dr. Bee offered.

Hatter looked at Alice, who continued to stare straight ahead, barely even blinking. “I want to try it,” he said after a moment.

Dr. Bee nodded and pressed the button on the intercom box that sat on his desk. “Room 615. Bring a quarter dose of Happiness.”

“Yes, Doctor,” was the tinny reply.

“And if this doesn’t work?” Hatter asked. Dr. Bee shrugged.

“Yes, well. In most cases new Pearls will develop to replace those that were lost. That’s why they could harvest individual Oysters for such a long period of time. But the process isn’t quick, and none of those Oysters were husked.”

Hatter sighed. The doctor didn’t need to expound; they both knew that Alice’s case was unusual. There was every chance that she’d never recover, that her own Pearls would never come back.

The door snicked open and a petite nurse with short, curly gray hair stepped in. She was carrying a thin glass tube filled with pale yellow liquid.

“Dr. Bee.” She gave a curt nod.

“Nurse Gayle, we have a special case. This Oyster has been completely husked. Yes, yes.”

The nurse gave Alice a quick once over. “I’ll ready a sedative.” 

Nurse Gayle passed the tube off to the doctor and unlocked one of the cupboards behind the desk, unwrapping a syringe and filling it with clear liquid from a small vial. When Dr. Bee approached Alice, Hatter held his hand out.

“I’ll do it.” Dr. Bee passed him the tube of Happiness. Hatter stood in front of Alice and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“You have to drink this, Alice.” He held the tube to her lips and tipped it up. Alice obediently drank it down.

“Good girl,” Hatter whispered. He handed the empty tube back to Dr. Bee. “How long until…”

Before he could finish his question, Alice’s eyes rolled back in her head and her body started to spasm.

“Alice!” Hatter grabbed her shoulders to keep her from falling off the exam table, or hitting her head on the wall behind her. She started making a horrible whimpering noise, like she was in pain.

“Nurse!” Dr. Bee barked. Nurse Gayle darted forward and grabbed one of Alice’s arms. In a swift movement she slid the syringe into her arm at the elbow and pressed the plunger. Seconds later Alice slumped forward into Hatter’s arms.

“Yes, well. I did say it mightn’t work,” Dr. Bee said, apologetic.

Hatter nodded, though he was swamped with guilt. He knew Alice would’ve agreed to try, anything to get better, but that sound she’d made…he couldn’t do that to her again.

“We’ll put her in a recovery room, yes yes. She’ll stay with us.”

“No.” Hatter lifted Alice in his arms. “When that shot wears off, she’s coming with me. I’ll not do this to her again.”

“Yes, well. You’re not equipped to handle her, Hatter.” Dr. Bee crossed his arms, fixing Hatter with his most disapproving glare. 

“I’ll not leave her here,” Hatter insisted. “You either show me a room where I can take her for now, or I’ll try getting her home as she is.”

“You never were good at following directions,” Dr. Bee sighed. “Nurse Gayle will find you a room.”

Hatter nodded. When the nurse left the office, he followed with Alice cradled against him like a child.

*o*o*o*

It took Alice five hours to recover from the Tea and the sedative. Hatter had stuck close, worried Dr. Bee might try and spirit her away. When she was able to walk under her own steam again, they left the Hospital and headed back to Hatter’s place.

“I’m sorry, Alice,” Hatter said as they walked. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that. I just…I don’t know what to do. How to help you.”

Frustration burned like acid in his chest. The Hospital had been his best hope in restoring Alice, what was he going to do now?

“I’ll think of something, I swear I will.” Hatter squeezed Alice’s hand. “We’ll not give up yet, will we?”

The trip back to his flat was uneventful, but once inside Hatter received quite a shock. His secret lair had been breached, though there’d be no sign from outside. The violator was still there, sitting quite comfortably in Hatter’s best chair, flipping languidly through a book.

“Charlie! What…how…”

The White Knight sprang to his feet with a clatter of armor. “Ah, Harbinger. You have returned. I was waiting quite a long time, you know.”

“How did you find me?” Hatter asked, incredulous. 

Charlie puffed out his chest. “I’m a Knight!”

Surprise quickly gave way to anger, and Hatter stepped forward with both hands clenched into fists. Finally! Someone he could fight!

“You ran away, you bloody coward!”

Charlie flinched, but said nothing.

“I needed you and you ran. They took Alice back to that bloody Casino and pulled everything out of her Charlie. Everything!”

Hatter moved in, fists swinging, and Charlie just stood there taking the blows, a shuttered expression on his face.

“They took her away from me! Because of you!” Hatter’s left hand was bleeding, and he wasn’t using the full force of his right hand because Charlie was still standing and his armor was barely dented. “I wasn’t fast enough. Or clever enough. And I don’t know what to do!”

Hatter took one last half-hearted swing, and allowed Charlie to push him back into the chair he’d vacated. He covered his face with his hands, fighting against his tears and his guilt. How could he really blame Charlie, when he knew the Knight wasn’t dependable? Wasn’t as brave as he professed to be. It had been Hatter’s plan, and it had failed, and there was no-one else to blame for that.

“You’re right, of course,” Charlie said. “I let you down. Almost went back to my camp, to hide. But I didn’t. I went for help.”

Hatter looked up at him, surprised. “What?”

“I consulted the otherworldly forces that live beyond our comprehension…”

“Charlie.”

“What? Oh. I found the man named Gryffon. He said he would help save you and Just Alice.”

“You rallied the Resistance?” Surprised again, Hatter shook his head. “You really are a Knight.”

Charlie grinned. “We all did what we could, Harbinger. There was nothing to be done, by you or anyone else. Where is she?”

Hatter pushed himself out of the chair. “Still by the door, I’d wager.” He went to collect Alice, a bit startled to see her sitting on the floor.

“Alice? Alright?” He took her hand and pulled her to her feet; she moved in the same automatic fashion as she had been, so Hatter just shrugged and walked her into the next room.

“My connections to the mystic ethers…I didn’t know it was this bad.” Charlie took one of Alice’s hands in his own, patting it gently.

“I took her to the Hospital, but they couldn’t help her. I don’t know what to do.” Hatter tossed his hat onto a stack of books and ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t know what else to do, Charlie.”

“Put something on that hand,” Charlie replied absently. Hatter looked down at his left hand and winced; it was a bloody, bruised mess, already starting to swell. With a sigh he went into the bathroom to wash it off and apply more ointment. At this rate he’d need to secure another tube, and soon.

When he got back to the living room, Alice was sitting in the chair and Charlie was on his way out the door. Hatter caught him up, grabbing his arm.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“My services are required elsewhere, Harbinger.” Charlie smiled at him. “You’ll work it out. The blessed oracle told me the key is in you. Good luck.”

“What? What does that mean?” Hatter asked, but Charlie was already gone, moving down the ledge at a pace that belied his age and the weight of his armor. “Charlie!”

Hatter banged his head on the wall, then cursed and rubbed his forehead. Why did Charlie have to be so enigmatic? With a sigh, he shut the doors. He’d never wanted anything more than to crawl in bed and just forget the whole day ever happened. But there was Alice to tend to, and so he headed for the kitchen to find something for her to eat.

*o*o*o*

It was late, but Hatter couldn’t sleep. When he got tired of tossing and turning, he sat up against the headboard. He’d thought Alice might be sleeping, but her eyes were open, if unseeing. He pulled her up, arranging her so she was snuggled against him.

“Remember what Charlie said?” he asked; he was getting used to talking to himself. “He said the key was in me. And Dr. Bee. He said not all Oysters could accept Pearls that weren’t theirs.”

Hatter absently stroked Alice’s hair with one hand while he thought out loud, trying to get a clearer picture of the puzzle his mind had been working at instead of letting him sleep. He was so engrossed in the idea of it that he didn’t hear Alice’s soft sigh.

“You might not know this, but Wonderlanders don’t have much emotion of their own. Suppressed by the Queen back in the early days of her reign; don’t ask how, I’ve no idea. That’s why they started harvesting Oysters. Which is to say, I’m not sure what I’ve got in mind will work, Alice.” 

Hatter ran a hand through his hair and leaned his head back. “Could be we’re not compatible, you and me. But I have this feeling…do you remember, out in the woods? I wanted to kiss you, more than I’ve wanted anything. Maybe if I had, things would’ve turned out differently. Maybe not.”

He gave a lopsided shrug. “But maybe Charlie’s right, and I have what you need. Pearls of my own to share with you. Which sounds really mad when I say it out loud.”

Hatter tried not to drown himself in doubts. After all, it wasn’t like anyone would see, or know what he was doing. He’d not embarrass himself to anyone but Alice, and if it didn’t work she’d not tell anyone either. Still, the idea that he’d have Pearls to share with her was almost totally laughable, and if anyone but Charlie had suggested it – if in fact he even had – than Hatter would have dismissed it out of hand.

“He knew, didn’t he? Knew how to find you in the Casino. Knew how to get you out of the Truth Room. So maybe he’s right about this too.”

And this time when Alice sighed, he didn’t miss it. He cupped her cheek and tilted her head, searching her face for a sign that something had changed. There was none that he could see. But maybe it was the last little push he needed.

“If I have any Pearls,” Hatter whispered to her. “Then I give them to you. You’ve made me feel more emotion in the short time we’ve spent together than I’ve felt in a long time. You make me happy and frustrated and frightened. And I don’t want to be without you.”

With that said, he pressed his lips against her, closing his eyes and trying to visualize his feelings for Alice. In his mind it was a stream of blue energy that he imagined moving from his chest, up his throat, and from his mouth to hers, pouring it all inside of her. And the words he couldn’t say aloud, couldn’t bear to speak even to Alice as she was now, flowed along with it.

_I love you._

For a moment Hatter was certain that Alice’s lips moved against his, but when he pulled back he saw that her eyes were closed; she’d fallen asleep. He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“That’s alright, love,” he murmured. “We’ll keep trying till we get it right.”

And when he lay down this time, he fell right to sleep.

*o*o*o*

Alice was still unresponsive the following day, but there were some small signs that Hatter found promising. She’d sighed a few more times, and once sat down without being instructed to do so. When he took her out for a mid-morning stroll along the ledge, so she could get some sun, for a brief moment she’d squeezed his hand.

Hatter kept trying to give her what he couldn’t see, but hoped was living inside him. He kissed her, a lot, each time doing the same visualization technique in his mind, each time willing her to feel the words he could not say.

That was how they passed the day, with Hatter talking to Alice or reading to her from one of his books when he wasn’t kissing her. He’d sent a message to Dormie for some food supplies, which were severely lacking, and was gratified when his business partner managed to scrounge up more soup, which was the easiest thing to feed Alice.

He’d even treated her to a hot shower, though he’d felt awkward about them both being naked in there so he’d kept her scanties on, and his boxers. He only hoped that when Alice was better, they could try that shower again.

Before they went to bed that night, after he’d kissed her again, Hatter took up his seat behind Alice on the bed and combed her hair. He found that he actually enjoyed that activity, which was somehow soothing. Plus he liked the look of her hair, the way it gleamed in the light from the lamps.

“Mmmmmm.”

Hatter’s hand froze on the comb. “Alice?” He held his breath, waiting, but she made no other sounds. He tried not to be disappointed, tried to take it as a hopeful sign that maybe she was starting to come back. He braided her hair, then combed it back out again, just to prolong the moment. It would probably be easier to keep it braided while she slept, but he loved the look of it spread out on the pillow.

“Alright, Alice,” Hatter said after a while. “Time for bed, yeah? We both need our rest.”

He got her tucked into what had become her side of the bed, and then doused all but one of the lamps before sliding in next to her. He shifted Alice slightly so he could spoon up behind her and hold her close while he slept.

“Close your eyes, love. Go to sleep.”

Alice obediently complied, and soon was breathing deeply. Hatter closed his own eyes and began mentally compiling all the little signs he’d had that day, signs that Alice wasn’t gone for good. His plan was mad, but it seemed to be working, and perhaps that was a sign as well; perhaps he and Alice were truly meant to be together.

Hatter brushed a lock of hair behind her ear and kissed her earlobe. “I love you,” he murmured, half asleep now. “Whatever happens, I love you.”

*o*o*o*

With the way all Wonderlanders had of instinctively knowing the time, Hatter knew it was just turning dawn when he woke up, groggy and disoriented. For a long moment he couldn’t figure out what had woken him, but then he felt it – a soft caress on his arm.

Instantly alert, and barely daring to breath, Hatter looked down. Sometime in the night he’d turned on his back, and Alice was sprawled over him, her head resting on his chest. It was her hand that traced small circles on the tender flesh on the underside of his arm, almost tickling.

“Alice?” he whispered.

The motion of her hand never stopped, but she sighed again, her breath warm on his skin. Hatter wrapped his arms around her, breathing in the scent of his shampoo on her hair.

“Hatter.” His name was faint, almost another sigh, but he heard it as clearly as if she’d screamed. He closed his eyes against the sudden flood of tears and sent a silent thank you to Charlie and the otherworldly forces that he seemed to wield so well.

“Kiss,” Alice sighed. She reached one trembling hand to her mouth and touched her lips.

Needing no further prompting, Hatter pulled her up and kissed her as he had all the previous day, filling her with his own emotions. It seemed he had enough after all.

“Hatter,” she said again when he’d finished kissing her. This time it was stronger, and though her voice was a bit scratchy from disuse, Hatter had never heard anything sweeter.

“Love. You. Too.”

*o*o*o*

In the years that followed, Alice only once talked about her experiences during what Hatter called her Away Time. It wasn’t a happy memory for either of them, to be honest, but he’d wanted to know.

“I felt like I was standing outside in the cold, looking through a window,” she’d explained. “The glass was cloudy, either iced up or fogged up, so I couldn’t see very clearly. But I saw enough. I saw you take care of me, just like you promised. I saw you act on faith. I couldn’t hear very well either, but I could tell you were talking to me. I wanted so badly to get through that window, to come in out of the cold. And you did that for me.”

It had been enough for Hatter and he hadn’t asked any more questions. Alice didn’t tell him the terrible pain she felt when she drank the Happiness Tea. Or how she’d longed to feel what it was like to be in Hatter’s arms instead of just seeing it through that foggy window.

They’d never spoken of Hatter’s embarrassment at taking her to the bathroom, or dressing her. There’d been no need to rehash any of that, and it hadn’t taken anything away from the sweetness of their first time together. In Alice’s mind, it made it all the more special because she knew he’d never taken advantage of her when he’d had plenty of opportunity to do just that. He was the only man she trusted. Completely.

Hatter had said it countless times since that day, and Alice loved to hear it every time. But that first time, when he whispered it in her ear, the words had been like a life line. Never before and never again would such a simple phrase have so much weight and solidity, and Alice treasured the memory of it.

_I love you._


	62. Last One Standing

  
**Last One Standing,** by Hot Chelle Rae

  
_I need this like air in my lungs_   
_This element tears through my bones_   
_It keeps me fighting_   
_Well I, emotions that swim through my veins_   
_A fever that shows in my face_   
_I‘m not hiding_   
_And this fire is alive in your eyes_

_Well I can barely breathe_   
_And I can hear the dark hearts marching_   
_I won’t go down easily_   
_Stay here by my side_   
_And we will be the last ones standing_   
_Hold my hand and kiss me before the hearts collide_

_Cold, the feeling of fear on my skin_   
_Dying to find a way in the silver lining_   
_The stars, they burn out like dreams all around_   
_Falling like rain to the ground_   
_But you’re still shining_   
_And this fire is alive in your eyes_

_Don’t wake me up_   
_I feel your touch_   
_Your love like blood runs through me_   
_You consume me_   


* * *

Hatter sat in the grass, enjoying the stillness of the moment. Unaware of the events that would soon be unfolding, birds continued to sing in the trees. A cool breeze moved over the hill, ruffling his hair. Before him the Casino rose up, blocking out the blue sky; but it failed to hold his gaze. Instead his eye was drawn to the woman who stood several feet away, purple coat swirling around her thighs.

Alice was studying the Casino as if she could see right through the walls, her face set in determined lines. The shallow cut over her eye had stopped bleeding, but it added an air of danger to her beautiful face. She had only to tell Hatter what she wanted and he would do it; he would do anything for her, even fight this battle they had no way to win. 

To be truthful, it wasn’t only just for Alice. Something about her had rekindled the fire of rebellion in him that he’d thought died long ago. He wanted to make things better, wanted to be able help her undo what her father had done. For the first time in a long time, Hatter wanted to be proud of Wonderland.

He hoped like hell that reinforcements would be coming soon.

*o*o*o*

_Hatter waited, tense and anxious. If his plan failed, he didn’t know what he’d do, what further steps he could take. Beneath him Guinevere shifted, feeding off his nerves. He took a deep breath, tried to steady himself. The sword he clutched in his hand felt awkward and heavy, and he doubted it would be much use. Still, it was better than nothing. As long as Charlie kept up his end, there was a chance of saving Alice. And that’s all he cared about._

_“This is it,” he said. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to focus. “You ready? One, two…hyaaa!”_

_Hatter kicked Guinevere in the sides, urging her forward into the Suits. He swung the sword, taking down two of the Queen’s men._

_“Hatter!” Alice cried._

_And then the sword was useless; the Suits were pulling on his arm and he couldn’t get another swing in. They were trying to pull him off the horse and he knew there were only a few seconds left to do anything useful._

_“Charlie!” he called, turning to see where the Knight was. For a moment he thought the man had run away, but there he was looking incredibly magnificent on his whitewashed stallion._

_“Hold, miscreants!” he shouted, wielding his own sword with much more accuracy._

_Bolstered by Charlie’s presence, Hatter let himself be pulled off the horse, quickly cocking back his fist and taking down another Suit. After that, it turned into a big of a free-for-all. Charlie had managed to stay on his horse, but Hatter was down on the ledge, swinging that right hand and trying to get to Alice._

_“Hatter! Look out!” she cried. Hatter turned, catching a fist on his cheekbone courtesy of March. He shook his head, bright bursts of light springing up in his eyes. He was only dimly aware of Alice tackling March, using her tied hands as a hammer to pummel him with. And then March got an elbow up, hitting Alice in the forehead so hard that Hatter could hear the sharp crack of it. Blood immediately started to flow as she fell back, stunned._

_“No!” Hatter was on March before the assassin could regain his feet. The two of them grappled, rolling along the ledge so that they alternated holding the dominant position. Hatter took some body shots, and gave back a few of his own._

_When he saw the opening, he took it, and smashed his fist straight into that porcelain head. Wiring snapped and sparked under his hands, and March’s body spasmed. With a cry of disgust, Hatter rolled and used that momentum plus his feet to push March over the edge._

_He lay there panting, eyes closed, until Charlie came over and gave him a hand up._

_“Some got away,” the Knight said._

_“They took Carpenter with them,” said Jack. Up until that moment, Hatter had forgotten he was even there. But the Prince of Hearts was standing there, looking just as fresh as a daisy, with the Ten of Clubs at his side._

_“Alice?” Hatter ignored Jack, instead dropping to his knees and helping Alice get into a mostly upright position. There was a disgusting amount of blood on her face, like a mask, and it scared him even though he knew head wounds bled a lot. The skin over one eyebrow was split and still oozing; he pressed his hand against it._

_“What…what did you do?” Alice asked, still a bit unsteady. Hatter pulled her to his chest, holding her steady and trying to stop his heart from racing at the sight of her, injured._

_“Rescued you,” he replied._

_“Thanks,” she said, offering him a weak smile._

*o*o*o*

Things had changed between Hatter and Alice since that rescue on the ledge. She’d stopped pushing him away, and he’d stopped letting her. He couldn’t stand the thought of her in more danger, but he knew it was useless to protest. She’d been so upset about her father, about him not remembering her, but her sadness had turned to anger and determination. Hatter knew she’d not be leaving Wonderland without him, one way or another.

Feeling restless now, Hatter got up and paced in a loose circle. He should never have agreed to this half-cracked idea, especially once Jack had gotten on board with it. It was dangerous, and every cell in his body screamed at him to get Alice someplace far, someplace safe. She’d kick his arse for such a suggestion.

He tried to think it through, plot out all the ways they could win or lose, but there were too many variables. So much could go wrong. So much already had. He turned on his heel to make another pass round and found Alice blocking his way. Her expression softened when she looked at him.

“They’ll be here,” she said. 

Hatter didn’t know how she could be so calm about all this, so certain.

“What if…” he started to say.

Alice put her finger over his lips. “They’ll be here.”

*o*o*o*

_“We’ll go to the Casino, get word to the members of the Resistance that have been working there,” Jack said. He rubbed his wrists, which Charlie had just freed from the restraints. “There’s a contingency plan in place for just such an eventuality.”_

_“I want my father out of there,” Alice said. She pressed Charlie’s handkerchief to her head._

_“Alice, our priorities right now…”_

_“I don’t give a damn for your priority, Jack!” Alice glared at him. “My father is my only priority.”_

_“Perhaps we could mount a defense against the Casino?” Charlie offered._

_Hatter and Ten shared a look of mutual consternation._

_“Charlie, there’s no way we could attack the Casino. Even with help from the inside.” Hatter glanced at Alice and looked away quickly; he wished she’d wash the blood from her face._

_“On the contrary, that could be just the distraction we need,” Jack said thoughtfully. “Sir Charles, if you could get word to Gryffon…”_

_“If Caterpillar couldn’t help us, what makes you think Gryffon will?” Hatter asked derisively. “We need to get Alice back through the Glass.”_

_“I’m not leaving without my father, Hatter!”_

_“She can’t leave without the ring,” Jack said, speaking slowly as if to a small child. “The Suits who got away with Carpenter have the ring as well. We can do nothing without it.”_

_“Then figure something else out!” Hatter snapped. “Alice, this is too dangerous.” Why did she insist on choosing the course of action most likely to result in bodily harm?_

_“No, we can make this work,” Alice said. “Jack, you go back to the Casino and get your people ready. Do you know how Charlie can find Gryffon?”_

_“I can give him a location and password,” Jack confirmed._

_“I shall go at once, Just Alice!” Charlie said, snapping to attention._

_“Okay. Hatter and I will go to the Casino and wait for you there.”_

_“Oi, I didn’t agree to anything!” Hatter protested._

_“Then stay behind!” Alice shouted, losing her temper. “You came here and rescued me. To what? Run away? Hide? I’m not doing that, Hatter! I’m getting my father out and if that means I have to tear the Casino down brick by brick, that’s what I’m going to do!”_

_She looked fearsome in that moment and Hatter knew he was lost. There was no way to fight the fire in her eyes or the determined set to her mouth. Besides, if he didn’t go along who would have her back?_

_“I’ll come,” he muttered._

*o*o*o*

Hatter lost himself in Alice’s blue eyes, trying to believe as strongly as she did. He had the overwhelming urge to kiss her, to finally do what he’d wanted back in the forest. But now, as then, there was an interruption and the moment was lost. Again.

“They’re here!” Alice beamed and immediately headed off to greet Charlie. The Knight was riding at the head of a group of Resistance members, though Hatter only knew a handful on sight. There was no mistaking Gryffon, who strode down the hill in an almost palpable haze of power; he was clearly the leader here.

Hatter did a quick head count and estimated there were between twenty and thirty members of the Resistance on the hill. A sizeable amount, but he also knew there were far more Suits in the Casino, and with better weapons too. Again he was gripped with fear, for Alice and for the others. This was a fool’s mission.

“Alice of Legend,” Gryffon said, his voice booming and his sweeping gray moustache quivering. “An honor, my dear.”

Alice shook his hand. “Thanks for coming so quickly.”

“I brought as many of my people as I could, and Dodo’s and Turtle’s as well. Some wouldn’t come.”

“I’m grateful to those who did,” Alice said.

“So what’s the plan?”

“We wait for Jack’s signal. Then we go in.”

*o*o*o*

_When they got back down to the Lake, Hatter pulled Guinevere to a stop and slid out of the saddle. Despite her protestations, he helped Alice dismount as well._

_“Give me that,” he said, holding his hand out for the handkerchief. When Alice relinquished it, he wet it in the water. “Come here.”_

_Using gentle strokes, Hatter washed the blood from Alice’s face. She stood perfectly still, big blue eyes never looking away. The slice on her forehead was no longer bleeding, but was starting to bruise and swell, and Hatter wished he had something to put on it._

_“Thanks,” she whispered. “For everything.”_

_“Do you really think this will work?” Hatter asked._

_“We have to try, Hatter. Not just for my father, but for the Oysters too. Someone once said something, about how evil can spread when good men do nothing. I can’t do nothing.”_

_“Then we’ll do something. Together.”_

*o*o*o*

They didn’t have to wait long to catch the notice of the Suits. A force to equal that of the Resistance spread out around the side of the Casino and held their position there. It was an uneasy standoff. Hatter wondered if any of the Suits were on their side.

“Do you know how many Jack has inside?” Alice asked Gryffon, echoing his thoughts.

“No more than ten,” Gryffon replied. “And likely people in a position to help the Oysters. There won’t be any Suits, but possibly some Spades.”

Hatter wasn’t cheered by that news. They’d probably have techs and some Diamonds, none of them much good in a fight. He had no idea what Jack’s so-called contingency plan was, but he could only hope it was something effective.

“Do you have a plan?” Hatter asked. “Or are we to sit on our arses and wait to be picked off?”

Gryffon fixed him with a disdainful look. “I can see why Dodo chose not to come.”

Alice choked off a laugh, and put a hand on Hatter’s arm; he absently patted it.

“Be assured, Hatter,” Gryffon said. “We are all well armed. We have a supply of boomers, and some archers if the Suits come in high. We push forward, engage the Suits, and give Jack a chance to work it from inside.”

“It would help if we knew what he was doing,” Alice remarked. “He has to get the ring, and get the Oysters and my father. He won’t have enough help.”

“That’s what we’re for, yeah?” Hatter sighed. “Bait to lure the Suits out.”

“Perhaps not a glamorous part to play, but necessary all the same.” Gryffon nodded to Alice and went off to talk with some of his men.

*o*o*o*

It was another forty minutes of standing around before things started to happen. Gryffon announced his intention of talking with the Suits and asked Charlie to accompany him.

“Are you mad?” Hatter asked in disbelief. “They’ll shoot you as soon as you’re in range!”

Gryffon shook his head. “Rules of engagement, Hatter. Negotiations first. There’s always an opportunity to avoid violence and I must try, if there’s even a small chance of success.”

“I’m coming,” Alice declared. Hatter rolled his eyes. Of course she was. Walk right up to the lion and poke it with a stick.

“Me as well,” he said with a sigh.

They ended up a group of six – Charlie, Gryffon, Alice, Hatter, and two of Gryffon’s most trusted associates, Unicorn and Dragon. Hatter couldn’t help feeling that he was marching right up to the firing squad, the weight of the gun at his back a small comfort. Alice kept her chin up and her gaze steady, but her grip on his hand was tight and just a bit tremulous.

Six Suits came to meet them halfway across the large expanse of green grass, their hands up to show they were unarmed. Which wasn’t precisely accurate, because Hatter knew their holsters were just as full as his. Still, both sides made a show of waving the metaphorical white flag. When they all came to a halt, there were only two or so feet of empty space between them. Gryffon and the Ace in charge each stepped forward.

“Why have you brought the Resistance here?” The Ace asked. He was an older man, graying at the temples. He kept all his focus on Gryffon, as if the rest of them were unimportant.

“We’ve come for the Oysters, and the man called Carpenter. We wish to take them peacefully.”

“You speak of stealing the Queen’s property,” the Ace said. “You know this to be unacceptable.”

Alice pushed forward. “Those are people, not property!”

“Alice, please…” Gryffon tried to move her back. The Ace narrowed his eyes.

“Alice? The Alice of Legend?”

“That’s right,” Alice said proudly. She was still clutching tightly to Hatter’s hand and he gave it a squeeze. “You know what happened the last time an Alice came here; might want to rethink your position.”

Hatter could see doubt in the Ace’s eyes, and for a brief moment he felt a surge of hope. Maybe Gryffon had been right. Maybe they really could do this without fighting. And then it all went sideways.

*o*o*o*

Just when it seemed they had an advantage, an explosion ripped through the air. Everyone dropped to the ground, Suits and Resistance alike. Hatter moved so that he could shield Alice with his body, all the while looking frantically about to see what had happened. Had the Suits launched a boomer? Or did someone in the Resistance jump the gun? 

The cause of the explosion seemed not to matter. Both sides immediately went on the defensive, and Hatter and Alice were caught right in the middle. There was no-where for them to go, nothing to hide behind as the bullets started to fly.

“Keep down!” Hatter shouted. “Stay close!”

Using knees and elbows, they crawled closer to the Casino. As far as Hatter could determine, it was their best chance. The Suits were surging ahead, their line thinning around the base of the building. If they could only get there, at least they’d have some solid concrete at their backs.

From behind them came the sound of metal striking metal and Alice froze.

“Alice! Come on!”

“Charlie!” she screamed, and Hatter could see tears running down her face. He looked back, but he could only see a mass of black jackets fanning out.

“He’ll be fine. We have to go!” He hoped it was true, but his priority was and always would be Alice. She nodded her understanding, misery written large on her face, and they resumed crawling.

Hatter tried to listen to the action behind them, tried to hear if anyone was following, but the noise was too much. The Resistance started lobbing boomers, which only added to the general din. He just kept his eye on that blank stretch of wall and continued moving forward.

When they finally reached the minimum security of the concrete foundation, Hatter felt as if he’d been crawling for hours. His clothes were a wreck, and Alice had torn her red stockings. He tried brushing some of the dirt off, but it was pointless.

There was another explosion, and this time Hatter could feel it through the wall at his back. That was no boomer – it was coming from _inside_ the Casino. Whatever Jack’s plan was, it was clearly in motion.

“Did you feel that?” Alice asked.

“Jack,” Hatter replied. He surveyed the more immediate scene. There was less shooting now as the Suits and Resistance engaged in hand-to-hand combat. There were still some of Gryffon’s men up on the hill, taking aim with bows and arrows at the Suits who were now swooping in on Flamingos, dropping boomers.

“We need to clear that door,” Alice said, pointing to where three Suits were hanging back. 

“We don’t know he’ll be coming out that way,” Hatter said.

“I have to do _something!_ ”

“Alice…”

“Promise we’ll get him out, Hatter. Promise that’ll happen.”

Hatter just stared at her, wishing he could give her what she wanted. He hated having to leave it all up to Jack, who was concerned only with his own agenda. Well, he was done with that.

“We clear that door and I’ll go in,” Hatter decided. “You stay here and make sure I can get back out.”

He waited for her to argue, but she only nodded curtly. Together they hugged the wall, trying to move slowly as not to draw the attention of the Suits. Luckily the melee happening around them was a good distraction and they were able to get within a couple of feet before being spotted.

One Suit swung his pistol around, but Alice was there in an instant to kick it out of his hand. While she threw punches and elbows, Hatter charged the other two; they went down in a heap and he immediately started grappling with them for their weapons.

Alice gave a little scream of pain and Hatter glanced up to make sure she was okay. He was distracted just long enough to catch a fist to the temple, and then bright colors were blooming before his eyes for the second time that day. Simply reacting, he clenched his right hand and brought it down without aiming at all. He caught one of the Suits in the collarbone, which fractured under the power of his fist.

“Hatter!” Alice was suddenly there, a gun pointing in the face of the other Suit, hers having been knocked cold. She was breathing heavily, her eyes wide and bright. She wore adrenalin well.

“You okay?” Hatter asked, getting to his feet. He pulled the Suit up by his shirt and gave him a firm rap on the chin, knocking him out as well. The one with the broken collarbone just lay on the ground, moaning. Hatter divested him of his weapon.

“I’m fine. He pulled my hair.” Alice rubbed at her head, wincing.

“Stay here, Alice.” He pressed one of the extra guns into her hand. “Keep the door clear, but be safe. If you need to run, run. Don’t worry about me.”

“Hatter, I…” Alice faltered for a moment. “Don’t take any chances, okay?”

“I’ll get your father,” he promised, knowing he had no right to do so.

Alice reached out and grabbed Hatter by the front of his leather coat. She pulled him close, pressing her lips to his. He hesitated only a moment before wrapping his arms around her and kissing her back. The rest of the world simply fell away as a fire started burning in his belly.

“Be careful,” Alice gasped, taking a step back. “Please.”

“You, too,” Hatter said. He felt as if he must have the goofiest smile on his face, but he couldn’t help it. Kissing Alice was all he’d imagined and more, and he wanted nothing more than lose himself in her. He settled for pressing a kiss to her forehead, and then he went through the door and into the Casino.

*o*o*o*

The Casino was chaos, though at first Hatter couldn’t see any of it. What he noticed was how empty the hall was that he was in. There was screaming – lots of screaming – but it was coming from somewhere else. He hadn’t taken more than a step or two before there was another rumbling explosion, one that nearly had him off his feet. Chunks of plaster fell to the floor, sending up puffs of white dust.

Hatter had the distinct feeling that he was running out of time and so he got moving, running down the hall until he came to a flight of stairs leading up. He went up two levels before he found people, mostly Diamonds, who were likewise on the run. He reached out and snagged one by the arm, jerking her to a stumbling halt.

“Oi! Where are the Oysters?”

“What?” The Diamond’s green eyes were wide and scared, and Hatter resisted the urge to shake her.

“The Oysters!”

“Gone. They’re all gone.” She pointed a wavering finger towards the nearest window and Hatter released her. The window looked out on a small patch of grass bordered by trees, on the opposite side of the Casino from the raging battle. From his vantage point he could see people fleeing the building and heading for a path that led into the treeline. There were several Diamonds, technicians and Spades, but plenty of others that Hatter felt sure were the Oysters. He couldn’t tell if Carpenter was with them.

“Bullocks!” He’d promised Alice and he wasn’t about to break that promise. He took off running in the direction his helpful little Diamond had gone. There were more stairs, going down this time, and then another bank of windows. These looked out at the fighting and it was hard to determine who had the upper hand. The archers had abandoned the hill and were heading down to join the melee.

And then Hatter’s heart stopped when he saw a familiar purple coat in the midst of the fray. Alice had abandoned her post at the door and was exchanging blows with a Suit.

“Alice!” He banged on the window, but of course she couldn’t hear. Hatter felt torn now. Did he keep up the search for Carpenter or help Alice? In another second the decision was made for him when she went down and didn’t immediately get back up again.

“No!” Heart in his throat, he went in search of more stairs. He needed to get back to ground level. When he finally got where he needed to be, he couldn’t find a door. Growling in frustration, he went to the nearest window. He flexed his right hand and pulled his arm back; the glass shattered and he hurried through the opening he’d made, heedless of the rivulets of blood that ran down his arm.

*o*o*o*

There were several bodies strewn on the grass, Resistance and Suits alike. Hatter didn’t know if they were dead or just knocked out, and he didn’t care. He got the sense that things were starting to slow down as the combatants began to tire. They also finally seemed to be aware that something was happening inside the Casino; the whole building was shaking now, chunks of decorative trim dropping like little bombs.

“Pull back!” Hatter shouted. “It’s gonna go!”

As a hasty retreat was made on both sides, Hatter finally found Alice. She was lying in the grass, the bruise on her forehead standing out starkly against her too-pale skin. He pressed one trembling finger to her throat and released a pent-up breath when he felt the steady thrum of her pulse. Heedless of whatever injuries she may have sustained, he scooped her up and held her close. They needed to get as far away as possible.

Though he was able to get some distance, when the Casino imploded the shock wave knocked Hatter to his knees. He clutched Alice tightly, trying to protect her head as debris went flying. The noise was deafening and the air was soon choked with dust and dirt and smoke. He staggered back to his feet, coughing and squinting as he tried to see which way to go.

When arms came out of the smoke, trying to take Alice from him, Hatter snarled and tried to turn away. It took a moment for the ringing in his ears to lessen enough to make out that someone was speaking to him.

“…take her, Harbinger. I will protect her.”

“Charlie?”

The smoke shifted in the breeze and there he was, the White Knight resplendent in armor that had acquired several new dents and dings. Hatter felt hysterical laughter bubbling up and pressed his lips together to keep it from escaping. He gently transferred Alice to Charlie’s arms and followed behind as they headed back up the hill.

The air was a bit clearer up there and Hatter could see a ragged line of Suits and Resistance standing side-by-side, everyone agog at the burning rubble that used to be the Casino. Apparently he’d been wrong in thinking the techs would be of little help, and he wondered how much of that had actually been Jack’s plan.

“Ah…Harbinger?”

Hatter forced himself to look away from the destruction. Charlie was starting to struggle a bit with Alice’s dead weight, so Hatter took her back. He carefully sat down and set her in his lap, her head lolling against his shoulder. A quick inventory revealed a blooming bruise on her jaw and what seemed to be a broken wrist. He yanked his tie over his head, belatedly realizing he’d lost his hat, and used it to bind Alice’s wrist until something better could be arranged.

“Alice. Love, can you hear me?” He patted her gently on the cheek. “You need to wake up now, Alice.”

He started to worry that she’d hit her head. Surely she’d have come round by now. Hatter smoothed her hair back, thin fingers searching for bumps and bruises, and finding none.

“Look there!” Charlie said, pointing.

The Casino survivors were making their way along the top of the hill, emerging from the wooded area nearby. There were definitely Oysters, mingled in with the techs, Diamonds, Clubs and Spades. Jack had made it through as well, Duchess clinging to him like a limpet. The Queen of Hearts was there, though her hands were bound and she was looking a bit worse for wear. There was no sign of the King of Hearts, but Hatter saw the man he’d been looking for.

“Alice! Wake up, love. Your dad is here. He made it!” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Please. Please wake up now.”

Behind him, Gryffon went to meet Jack; he kept a hand clamped on his arm, which had a through-and-through bullet wound. Charlie seemed torn, but eventually he went along as well to offer his services. Hatter knew it was only a matter of time before Carpenter sought them out.

“Alice, don’t do this to me. Please. I can’t do this without you.” He pulled her tight up against him, trembling slightly now that things had settled down a bit. They’d survived the battle, something he’d thought impossible earlier that day. And even though he’d only known Alice a few short days, he wasn’t sure he could survive without her. She’d changed him, made him want more. All he wanted right now was her.

“Hatter?” It was little more than a soft moan, but his heart leapt at the sound of it. He loosened his grip, watching as Alice’s eyes fluttered open. “Are we alive?”

Hatter couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. “Well, I wasn’t so sure about you for a while there, love.”

Alice snuggled against him, the arm with the broken wrist folded against her chest. “Mmm. This is nice.”

It was clear that she was still out of it, but Hatter didn’t mind.

“I had a dream I kissed you.”

“That was no dream, love,” he assured her.

“Oh. Good.” Alice pressed a kiss to his neck. “I told you it would all work out.”

“You were right. We make one hell of a team, you and I.”

Hatter was content to sit there with Alice in his lap forever, though he’d known the moment wouldn’t last. Carpenter found them, his yellow leather jumpsuit spattered with blood and dirt.

“Alice? Is she okay?” The man dropped to his knees in the grass, one hand tentatively reaching out for his daughter. Hatter found himself quite unwilling to share her.

“Daddy?” Alice’s brow furrowed, then all at once reality seemed to click back into place for her and she sat up quickly, knocking her head into Hatter’s chin. “What…where’s the Casino?!”

Hatter opened his mouth, but it was Carpenter who answered. “It’s gone. Destroyed. Once I…when I remembered, I had to set things right. I helped Jack put it right.”

“You remember me?” Alice asked, her voice small and tentative.

“I remember everything, Jellybean. And I’m so sorry.”

Carpenter opened his arms and Alice threw herself into them, tears running down her face. Her father nodded at Hatter, and he nodded back. He was loathe to leave her, but thought the two of them needed some time. Besides, he’d never liked being the third wheel.

Before he could stand up, Alice grabbed hold of his hand, tugging him back down. “Where are you going?”

Hatter shrugged. “Thought you could use some time.”

“Daddy, this is Hatter. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here right now. He’s saved my life so many times in the last few days. He’s a hero.”

The way she was looking at him made Hatter’s breath catch in his throat. No-one had ever looked at him that way before, with such adoration. He knew he didn’t deserve it; he’d not been the one to rescue Carpenter, after all.

“I can’t thank you enough,” Carpenter said. He shook Hatter’s hand vigorously.

Hatter flushed, unaccustomed to such praise. “I…uh…I should go see Gryffon. Back in a sec, yeah?”

And he left Alice and Carpenter to reconnect.

*o*o*o*

Dust still drifted in heavy clouds around the remains of the Casino, and Hatter thought it might take a while for it all to finally dissipate. It was quiet up on the hill now; Jack had been ferrying people back to Wonderland City on Scarabs. The problem was that Hatter didn’t know what he was going to do. The business of selling Tea had now effectively ended, and it’s not like he had a lot of backup skills to put to use. For the first time in a long time, he was at a loss.

“Hey.” Alice came to stand beside him, the purple coat now slung over one arm. Her wrist had been set and bandaged, but the medics had left the cut on her forehead untouched. His own arm was dotted with red antiseptic.

“I thought you’d gone,” Hatter said, striving for nonchalance.

“We’ve been through a lot together, haven’t we?” she asked. “I feel like it’s been weeks instead of days.”

“Yeah, well, running for your life has a way of skewing time.” Hatter kept his gaze firmly locked on the rubble field below, ignoring the way Alice’s hair was blowing in the breeze and fighting the temptation to reach out and touch her. “You better hurry or you’ll miss the last Scarab back to the City.”

“It left ten minutes ago, Hatter.”

He looked around, surprised. It was true, all the Scarabs were gone. And with them all the people who’d survived the day. He and Alice were the last ones standing there on the hill.

“Why didn’t you go with your father?”

“Because I wanted to go with you. He’ll be waiting for us at the Palace. I thought maybe we could take the scenic route back.”

Hatter looked her in the eyes, finally. And saw that she meant what she said. He reached out and took her hand in his, a little thrill running through him when her fingers curled around his and squeezed.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

“Completely,” she replied.

With a grin, Hatter leaned in and kissed her. And this time there were no interruptions, no battles being fought, and no immediate danger to give everything a frantic edge. He thought it might well be the sweetest kiss he’d ever shared, because it was more than just a kiss; it was a promise of things yet to come.

“Let’s go,” Hatter said. “I know where we can get a horse.”

Alice laughed. They turned their backs on what was, and walked towards their future. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** This song fic was born completely from the song. When I first listened to it, I had an image in my head of Alice and Hatter standing on a hill, gearing up for a big battle. Then I just had to figure out the why of it! I’m going to use this chapter to conclude the Songs. Thanks for reading! (Especially you, taste_is_sweet! ::hugs:: You suffered through an awful lot of semi-colons, I know!)


End file.
